I'll try and be as short as possible as a kid I've always had bad anxiety never to the point of panic attacks. Long story short about 3 years ago a friend introduced me to Xanax bars, for about 2 months I finally found something that was able to make me see life again... so shortly after that and experimenting with cocaine I stopped both. I needed a outlet with my highstress job. After 4 days of not taking any Xanax I found myself on the way to the hospital with what I thought was cocaine overdose.
I only do small amount a few bumps. And it made me happy dealing with my crippling depression. Come to find out it was a panic attack. And that's where it all started. I went on for weeks of hell. Uncontrobale thoughts constant panic attacks crippling me to my room. I couldnt eat. When I tried to sleep I would get labored breathing and battle that all night until it turned into a panic attack. I fessed up to my doctor she put me on ativan over a 3 week period to get me off. I was fine for the tapering. I was fine a month after. And after a month all hell broke loose. I wasn't drinking I wasn't doing any drugs.
I still remeber the event and it makes me terrified I could not of been ant closer to seizing that ride home from work I went 5 hours on what I thought was this panic attack I had to have my dad give me a Xanax to get it to stop. Another few weeks Go by or pure terror I quit my job lost my house lost my car. My doctor sent to a physcatrist who put me on about every ssri ssni and anti depresent all of which made me worse. We then tried mood stabilizing for suspecting of bipolar 2. Still nothing stopped this terror.. until she gave me .5 klonopin twice a day and my life was back. Now skip 2 and a half years later until now. I have never gone up in dose. I have been clean of everything for 3 years now except the klonopin I got my job back I now run my department.
I had some break through anxiety and some odd symptoms that now that I' find myself over analyzing everything it feels like ive been at tollerance withdrawl for the last year but have been dealing with it. So instead of taking my 2nd dose of klonopin I would skip it so I could have a FEW drinks. A few is never more then 2! Like mikes harders or 2 beers knowing I'm on the meds i drank as little as possible. So I recently bought a house a bout 2 weeks ago I have closed yet. So I'm not sure if that's stressing me out. Or leaving my alcoholic father who I find myself bringing to the hospital atleast once a week for falling and smashing his head. As horrible as it sounds it's making me worse hense why I bought the house.
And 2nd I go to Texas in 2 weeks for a week and I just keep picturing coming hone and finding him dead. But let's get back to the drinking so my problems started exactly 9 days ago. I started feeling like when I did when I was off the benzos. The wierd zaps in my head and on the brink of panic attacks one hasn't came through yet. So thinking I developed a cross tollerance I've been 2 weeks sober off alcohol. I don't mess with my life anymore. I just want to be normal again like 3 years. I haven't drank and my symptoms have been slowing creeping back these last few days. Not as bad as 2 weeks ago. But rushing thoughts. Night sweats. Unbearable anxiety and just a overwhelming feeling of dread.
I tend to kick them after about an hr. But everytime I lay down to go to bed my labored breathing comes back and it takes me alot longer to pass out. My doctor sent me to an addiction therapist which is why I stopped drinking she wants to start me on a 8 month taper onto valium. Which at this point if it helps me I'm all for it but I'm worried about what is under the klonopin blanket that I left behind before any of this. I see a physcatrist and a therapist weekly and no-one can answer my questions. Have i built up a tollerance to my meds and me and klonopin have to part ways or am I just so stressed out my heads ready to explode and the meds just can't fight it. I need help. My problem is I over analyze and just like most of you I need to stay off these damn sites because they make me worse. I cannot go awall again I can't loose everything again. Any insight will be great. I want to get my life back. But I don't know what's causing this.
I only do small amount a few bumps. And it made me happy dealing with my crippling depression. Come to find out it was a panic attack. And that's where it all started. I went on for weeks of hell. Uncontrobale thoughts constant panic attacks crippling me to my room. I couldnt eat. When I tried to sleep I would get labored breathing and battle that all night until it turned into a panic attack. I fessed up to my doctor she put me on ativan over a 3 week period to get me off. I was fine for the tapering. I was fine a month after. And after a month all hell broke loose. I wasn't drinking I wasn't doing any drugs.
I still remeber the event and it makes me terrified I could not of been ant closer to seizing that ride home from work I went 5 hours on what I thought was this panic attack I had to have my dad give me a Xanax to get it to stop. Another few weeks Go by or pure terror I quit my job lost my house lost my car. My doctor sent to a physcatrist who put me on about every ssri ssni and anti depresent all of which made me worse. We then tried mood stabilizing for suspecting of bipolar 2. Still nothing stopped this terror.. until she gave me .5 klonopin twice a day and my life was back. Now skip 2 and a half years later until now. I have never gone up in dose. I have been clean of everything for 3 years now except the klonopin I got my job back I now run my department.
I had some break through anxiety and some odd symptoms that now that I' find myself over analyzing everything it feels like ive been at tollerance withdrawl for the last year but have been dealing with it. So instead of taking my 2nd dose of klonopin I would skip it so I could have a FEW drinks. A few is never more then 2! Like mikes harders or 2 beers knowing I'm on the meds i drank as little as possible. So I recently bought a house a bout 2 weeks ago I have closed yet. So I'm not sure if that's stressing me out. Or leaving my alcoholic father who I find myself bringing to the hospital atleast once a week for falling and smashing his head. As horrible as it sounds it's making me worse hense why I bought the house.
And 2nd I go to Texas in 2 weeks for a week and I just keep picturing coming hone and finding him dead. But let's get back to the drinking so my problems started exactly 9 days ago. I started feeling like when I did when I was off the benzos. The wierd zaps in my head and on the brink of panic attacks one hasn't came through yet. So thinking I developed a cross tollerance I've been 2 weeks sober off alcohol. I don't mess with my life anymore. I just want to be normal again like 3 years. I haven't drank and my symptoms have been slowing creeping back these last few days. Not as bad as 2 weeks ago. But rushing thoughts. Night sweats. Unbearable anxiety and just a overwhelming feeling of dread.
I tend to kick them after about an hr. But everytime I lay down to go to bed my labored breathing comes back and it takes me alot longer to pass out. My doctor sent me to an addiction therapist which is why I stopped drinking she wants to start me on a 8 month taper onto valium. Which at this point if it helps me I'm all for it but I'm worried about what is under the klonopin blanket that I left behind before any of this. I see a physcatrist and a therapist weekly and no-one can answer my questions. Have i built up a tollerance to my meds and me and klonopin have to part ways or am I just so stressed out my heads ready to explode and the meds just can't fight it. I need help. My problem is I over analyze and just like most of you I need to stay off these damn sites because they make me worse. I cannot go awall again I can't loose everything again. Any insight will be great. I want to get my life back. But I don't know what's causing this.
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