• H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

One Last Vent...

Escape Fantasy

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 27, 2018
Messages
82
Hey there, guys.

I uhhh, just wanted to vent here one last time. I've realized a pretty plausible flaw in my character. I tend to forcefully project my feelings onto others and sometimes in my daily life. I guess the reason for this being is because all my life I've always talked to a psychologist/counselor about my feelings. I haven't had an actual friend to hangout with since 9th/10th grade.

Drugs and Mental Illness are all I know.

I've become pretty misogynistic and racist at times.

And those are pretty huge flaws to have on one's self. They all stem from my past horrible experiences. But, I've realized it's time to grow up.

In the real world, I cannot be sexist or prefer one race over another.

I should welcome everyone with open arms if I want to find a good career.

I've realized I've become addicted to this way of thinking. I need to change. The reason I would to come to this website was because I guess to project my craziness on to here since I had no one or nowhere to go. But if I want to change, I'm going to have to let this craziness, drugs & mental illness, go and be a thing of the past.

I was normal. At one point. I had potential all along when I was playing basketball with my friends and knew of a girl who potentially liked me.

I don't know what went wrong after that point, I have a couple hypotheses why, but I'm done trying to explain it. It's done.

5-ethics-of-life

life-spirit-feature-img.jpg


So, I'm leaving you all with this. I'm off to live in the real world now, without being labeled as crazy. Just a normal guy in a normal world. Goodbye Bluelight
 
Escape Fantasy, I'm happy to hear that you are taking your life into your own hands and going for change. I hope that you realize the courage you are showing by doing this. It's never easy to say, "My thinking was wrong". It takes a lot of strength to say it to yourself and even more to make it public. It sounds like you just kind of got swept away by the trials and tribulations of growing up in our image-driven society--I'm sure whatever mental illness you have dealt with is something you can continue to work on throughout your life--none of us can claim to be completely mentally balanced at all times. I hope that you keep believing in yourself and your worth to others. You would be surprised how many people go through adolescence and their early adulthood without good friends. We are never really taught how to make friends and yet it is simple: be one. If there are people in your life that you think may be experiencing the same kind of loneliness, reach out. The truth is that we all want to be seen and appreciated for who we really are--so let yourself be known and get to know others without too much judgment. I wish you the best and I hope you will drop me a PM sometime to let me know how things are going.<3
 
It sounds like you have a lot of really valuable insight into yourself, which is a wonderful quality. If there are things about your character that you don't like, but you are aware of them and consciously trying to change them, that counts for a lot in my opinion. We can all be a bit judgmental at times and "project" our experience onto other people. I certainly have, at least. I always try to make a point not to be judgmental or close-minded toward other people, not to project my experiences onto them, but I do it sometimes still. Doesn't make us bad people. Just makes us human.

I'm sorry that you're leaving Bluelight. You rubbed me the wrong way at first because your initial comments came off as kind of abrasive, but you actually seem like a really decent person. I really appreciate you apologizing on my other thread, on that note. That was a very respectable move, especially considering how anonymous the internet is. Like I said, being aware of your flaws is one of the most important steps in being able to change them. And you're not alone in trying to find happiness in your life, wondering what went so wrong and why you're so different now from how you used to be. I feel the same way, and I'm dealing with the same thing. I struggle with mental illness too. It's rough, and really wears me down at times. But you're definitely not alone there either. And hey, I saw on another thread that you mentioned your six months clean? So am I! Sobriety twins, haha. August is a great month for a clean date :).

Like herbivore said, if you do change your mind and decide to stay on Bluelight and you ever need to vent, feel free to message me! Best of luck, friend!
 
Top