• H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

When will I feel normal

It's not soppy, we're friends, and that's what real friends do. Loyalty is everything.


Thanks Yuba, I am so glad you're happy and doing well!


Hugs,
here for you anytime,
your friend,
Ash.
 
How is everyone doing hope all good.I feel like shit had a back tooth taken out.That was ok but got a infection.The dentist gave me metronidazole.That is a killer of a antibiotic I feel like I felt after my detox major fatigue horrible taste in mouth and depression.Not going to take any more going to ask for amoxilin.
 
Sir, I have asked you not to post walls of text. I do not have the time to edit this post as I did your last one. And do not make redundant posts. You already shared this information in another thread. Consider this your final warning on the matter. --aihfl

well it depends on what you were using, from personal experience suboxone cold turkey at 14MG is a living hell. I am one year clean from everything on 10/18(in 10 days!!!!!!) expect weed lol i still like my smoke found it helped/helps me sleep if you dont smoke all day then take acuple puffs before you lay down atleast for me it helped with the RLS. and i am still having issues sleeping but i am basically all good now and just trying to help anyone i can to get through this situation in the least painfull/agonizing way, and to maybe warn/inform people on my personal reasons i would not recommend suboxone to anyone and as far as getting back to normal well who knows what "normal" is because i started so young i guess i dont remeber what "normal" is my story is long and very harsh honestly i will post if if anyone is interested but you can do this. YOU WILLLLLL DO THIS, and one day it will just be a memory one that you are proud of because you did what alot dont do and thats you getting clean for real i know you can do this keep it up


this is my story thought if anyone wants to read it that is......

hey just saying you got this i went to sub after a 10 year addiction, i was doing about 2grams a day of good H when i went to subs i was on subs 16MG 2 8mg stripsin the morning i first off will say this dope withdrawl sucksbut its not a sub WD i would recomend staying off the subs or only using them for like 2 weeks tops they are a bitch to get off of, after 3 years of sub use and klonapin 2mg a day i walked off everything one dayi said nomore long story short i ended up in a hospital and then after i got out they gave me bad medications that interacteded negativly with eachother and made my body stifffen up i was stuck all my musclesmy moulth was even stuck it looked like i had a stroke or some shit, after i went to another hospital they helped me stop that interaction the WD was still so intense this was like 6 days in i got nitrous oxide and did accuple whippets from what i rememeber. i was later told i did over 200 that night laying there in agony and i slipping intoa full blown phycosis, not fun at all. i thought i stabed someone i was going to jail i broke up with my girlfrfiend i tried letting some random person into the car, while we were driving still mind you i was crazy and i thought everyone else was insane when i was addmitted into the phycward i remeber being like i dont need to be here wtf is going on like why am i here, i remember laying down in the bed they gave me and trying to sleep i was still kicking hard obvusly fromthe subs next thing i know i woke up in yet another hospital bed with tubes down my throat and a cathitor in....... not my best moment lol i know but i was with it i pointed to the tubes like get these out of here. i went manic so they had to intubate me or put me under they told my perents at this point to not expect me to ever recover and be prepared for me to be a vegatable for the rest of my life they said it was over a 99% chance i would NOT recover and would be a veg but they said nothing is impossible, when they tryed to put me unbder my opiate tolorance was so high that they tried morphine 3 times finally they used propafol and fyntenal i have no memory ofthem strapping me to the bed and i was pulling the nurses across the roomapparently trying to restrrain me i was lifting my arms and they were slidding across the floor they could not hold the straps down i am a small guy very small lol but it took 5 nurses apparently one on each arm one on each leg and one sitting on my chest holding me down apparently it was some heavy shit i was latter told by my parents to have to watch this as i did not want to be restrained apparently..... it has been one year sence i walked and i am doing so much better i still dont really sleepfor shit but im not living in a bath tub and bugging out 24/7 they say it takes time to get back to :normal: whatever that is i used at such a young agei dont think my brain really rememebrs what that is, or i dont remember what that is like, i rememebr sitting on my couch and i jjust started cryingg one day it was like color came back and i didnt even know it had left but i damn sure knew when it was back it was beutifull, you can get through this and you will be so happy you did opiates are grate if you can take like an oxy once in a blue moon but we all know thats not how it works atleast for me its not like its the weekend i can have a beer or two or whatever cant do that with opiates i know this and i will never make that mistake again, i have a beautiful girlfriend that is soon to by my fiance we are moving within the up comming weeks out of my home town and getting a fresh start she was not from my home town i met her back when i was in college but we are planning on having kids andi can tell you for sure i will not be addicteddd to nor abusing drugs when i have a kid i have sceen first hand what happens when paretns party/do drugs with there kids i could nevereven imagine if i had a stash or a bag of h someone and my child got into it i wouild never live that down i want my kid to be prud ofme and i dont want to explain that daddy is sick cuz of this or that or he needs hismedication for whatever cuz asmy child grows up i know they eventually will just in there heads be like yeah my dad is a dope head or have there friends saying shitthat there dad is a dope head kids are mean we all know this atleast they can be either way my future kids are a very big thing to my recovery i realized the life i wanted, needed,can have , and do have is only goinhg to last if i dont use opiates my GF has never done dope she is not an addict at all actually, my whole familyis like how did YOU get HER and i now thats messed up but i ask myself sometimes that question too and the answer is because i stopped fucking up and did the right thing insteadof doing what i wanted to do like always i did what i needed to do for once and the pay offf actually was amazing so much more than i ever thought it really does open your life up everything is possible again and its not that way cuz i am high and just feeeling good i am sobor as we speak and i have so much happiness in my heart everyday i wake up and can say my name is .... and i am ....... and i am with it not lost in a phycosis anyway i have wanted to share that story for so long but not many people want to hear that story or they dont know i was an addict cuz when people find out they treat you differently and persevere you differently anyway thanks to anyone who actually felt like readding this whole thing, and just know that if you are struggling to get off i promise i really is worth it actually even though it most deffinatly does not seem like it would be worth it at the time i remeber saying fuvk this its not worth it i rather just take some sub everyday thge rest of my life.... thandeal with the lack of quality of life i was experiancing but it finally got to a point where i did start to get bettter, after 1 month i said to myself well i made it this far im not slipping up now to just have to re do everything ive just done, my GF was one of the best most insperatinol person/thing that helped me to get clean i know you arent supposed to do that or whatever but she inspired me too get myself clean for real no matter what this time but as inspiring as she was/is, it still came down to me and me not doing something stupid everyday thats what and who it comes down to its not her job to make sure i am clean dont get me wrong i love that she cares enought that if something weird was going on with me or i was acting strange she would/will ask if imok and i know if i relapes i can tell her right away she knows that too and knows that it is 100% a real possibility even though i told her its been a year ive done all this for our future family for you and for me i am personally not going through a withdrawl like that again no matter what even ifnshe was to leave me jusst hell no that WD legit kicked my asss so hard i wouldnt even think about it, ever again
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Congrats on getting your life together you have done great.Like you I have 27 years of drug use and 13 of those years on opium.I had to do a cold turkey I was just fed up.I think the detox is a cunt but the recovery is harder.You are right we did gear early in life so we don't know what normal is.Took me 6 months after detox and trying to use recreationly that don't work I even had to wd from lyrica which is hard.I loving life not having your day revolve around gear is such a good thing.Keep strong mate you doing well
 
At the stage where I'm not really craving.Now the regrets have come in.The years wasted on gear my oldest is 11 and her growing up seems like a blur.Also the money I have spent on gear in 27 years how much have I spunked well over 200 000 pounds and dollars.I functioned on brown It kept me at home not out in a hotel with mates snorting drinking get escorts to rooms and cheating on wife.Truth be told I still love gear even after all the shit I went through I still love brown.But it's a cunt in divorce.But clean life is better it lets you get back to normal things.
 
Get that negative feedback right out of your head. You just focus on now. Like how amazing you are to your family and what an accomplishment this truly is. That's what you need to keep on replay. Ok?

You have no time for that bullshit regret. You are living your life, and don't let anyone or anything come in the way of that.

I bet your family love the new you my dear friend!!


Love and support to you always, and always very proud of you,
your friend,
Ash.

At the stage where I'm not really craving.Now the regrets have come in.The years wasted on gear my oldest is 11 and her growing up seems like a blur.Also the money I have spent on gear in 27 years how much have I spunked well over 200 000 pounds and dollars.I functioned on brown It kept me at home not out in a hotel with mates snorting drinking get escorts to rooms and cheating on wife.Truth be told I still love gear even after all the shit I went through I still love brown.But it's a cunt in divorce.But clean life is better it lets you get back to normal things.
 
It sounds hard, but if you put it like this:

"I just don't have to do something"

It become easier to bear.
 
Get that negative feedback right out of your head. You just focus on now. Like how amazing you are to your family and what an accomplishment this truly is. That's what you need to keep on replay. Ok?

You have no time for that bullshit regret. You are living your life, and don't let anyone or anything come in the way of that.

I bet your family love the new you my dear friend!!


Love and support to you always, and always very proud of you,
your friend,
Ash.
How you doing my friend how are your pain issues.You right I should look at what I have done.Im clean not craving much and enjoying my life.But the regrets are there now.Times I've nodded out on the sofa with a drink in my hand wife having to put me to bed.The time missed with kids not going places with them b3cause I could be home alone smoking gear.I feel like I woken from a blur and ended up a old man.I was watching better call Saul on Netflix last night in the light of the laptop saw my beautiful wife who I been with since 15.I must have given her so much grief.I used to say to her all the time if you want to leave you can I'll give you everything the house business with cousin bank accounts.She stood by me I got everything a man could want so why can't I be happy with that.There are kids who go sleep hungry here I am being a knob about my life.On q happier note me m
 
Don't know what I did there I was just saying me my wife so close now.Ash you are a diamond so is this site.This site is a godsend for people like me who can't open up can't go to meetings it's a life line in recovery.You was my lifeline remember if you ever need anything you just have to ask
 
It sounds hard, but if you put it like this:

"I just don't have to do something"

It become easier to bear.
That is the biggest buzz now I don't have to do something I not physically addicted to any thing.I can go on holiday anywhere not just India because I could
 
Hello my dear friend,

I was just thinking of you, getting ready to ask about you and your lovely wife, and here you are!! Isn't it funny to have a good friend but have never actually met? You are you know. A good friend of mine. I hope you know that.


I am pretty good, my pain management is going well, but the climate is so against pain patients here, it's quite sad actually, oh well, I better toughen up, I don't see that changing for the forseeable future.

What have you been up to today lately Yuba, besides staying out of trouble of course. ; )

Love you,
Ash.
How you doing mate hope all is good.What you been up to ash how's your pain management going.
 
Hello my dear friend,

I was just thinking of you, getting ready to ask about you and your lovely wife, and here you are!! Isn't it funny to have a good friend but have never actually met? You are you know. A good friend of mine. I hope you know that.


I am pretty good, my pain management is going well, but the climate is so against pain patients here, it's quite sad actually, oh well, I better toughen up, I don't see that changing for the forseeable future.

What have you been up to today lately Yuba, besides staying out of trouble of course. ; )

Love you,
Ash.
How you doing ash.I am always amazed how much someone I have never met means so much to me.Once im back in the States I will have you come t6o California and meet me and my family I will pay for it and I know the perfect time.My wife has got the most stupidest fucking idea in her head of renewing our wedding vows.She wants my family to see it because my dad had made my family boycott our wedding because I was marrying a white girl.I can think of nothing worse but this is what happens when you. fall in love with a American girl.I will do it for her because she my everything.
 
I would proudly come to your renewal of your vows. I think that is a great idea, and your wife definitely deserves that. As do you.

Look how far you've come, I couldn't be happier for you and your whole family!!

here for you always
your friend,
Ash.

P.S, I mistakingly signed my name as ASS before instead of ASH....lol...bahaha!! One of those days Yuba!! ; )

How you doing ash.I am always amazed how much someone I have never met means so much to me.Once im back in the States I will have you come t6o California and meet me and my family I will pay for it and I know the perfect time.My wife has got the most stupidest fucking idea in her head of renewing our wedding vows.She wants my family to see it because my dad had made my family boycott our wedding because I was marrying a white girl.I can think of nothing worse but this is what happens when you. fall in love with a American girl.I will do it for her because she my everything.
 
I would proudly come to your renewal of your vows. I think that is a great idea, and your wife definitely deserves that. As do you.

Look how far you've come, I couldn't be happier for you and your whole family!!

here for you always
your friend,
Ash.

P.S, I mistakingly signed my name as ASS before instead of ASH....lol...bahaha!! One of those days Yuba!! ; )
I would love to have you there so thats set.You will meet two sets of families.My wife side are normal my side are fucked all the men my dad brothers are either recovering alcoholics or pissheads all live a functional life like me but all addicted to something.I hate being the centre of attention.My wedding day was torture but at least I knew in a few hours I could finally sleep with my wife.My wife would not sleep with me until we married imagine being a teenager addicted to crank which made me horny as hell and my wife girlfriend at the time not giving in to my begging.After the day from hell what ever you fancy doing we will do.
 
She deserves it ash this the first time she ever seen me clean apart from the weed I smoke.I made so many bad choices in my life but she is the best most important choice I made.I can remember the day I met her so clearly.Crank gave the confidence to talk to her checked her out beautiful blue eyes banging body only down side she was wearing converse so was worried this beautiful girl could have fucked up feet.Im serious without her I would be fucked when I started on gear she made me promise I would not use the needle and that the only reason I never did.
 
That all sounds fine to me, as long as your wife is happy and okay with me coming I'm happy and would of course come to be there.

You can pm me details when you have a date and time chosen. If your wife would like to chat with me first or at any time I will give you my contact information.

your friend,
Ash.
 
That all sounds fine to me, as long as your wife is happy and okay with me coming I'm happy and would of course come to be there.

You can pm me details when you have a date and time chosen. If your wife would like to chat with me first or at any time I will give you my contact information.

your friend,
Ash.
My wife knows how much you helped me she is fine with it.I make my family sound bad but you will see our punjabi hospitality we treat guests like gods.She will chat too you before.Ash this vow thing is such a bad idea its not me at all but wife is into it.Are we just going to repeat our wedding vows or will she get the bright idea to write our own.Im so stoned right now and this vow thing doing my head in my old man will take the piss.
 
Top