Cannabis induced derealisation

[Deadyunna]

Hi, i?m 17 years old and started smoking weed when i was 14. I was also diagnosed with asperger?s syndrome from a young age. one day I had a really bad experience after i smoked way too much and felt as if i was alienated from reality and everything was like a dream. When i sobered up everything was pretty normal i was just a bit traumatised about my experience and started getting random flashbacks of my experience whenever i would do something such as sit down or walk around etc. this freaked me out enough but one day out of nowhere at school it hit me again and I had no idea what to do. Soon after i this i was in a state of crisis for quite some time and sought psychological treatment after about 6-8 months of suffering. I was put on SSRI?s about 6 months after i started seeing psychologists/psychiatrists. I was on them for about 6 months when i made the decision to wean myself off them as i was feeling a bit better and often found i was unable to drink with my mates because I was on them. Anyway things started getting a lot better for me and this illness became something i could control and cope with. Anyway roughly a year later I did what I do best and ruined my life once again by experimenting with weed again. since april fools day 2017 I have had derealisation probably worse than the time before and being in such a low state of mind and being dissatisfied with my life at the time in an attemp to try have some fun and get away from my problems i experimented with ecstacy at a party, which i can say was actually a positive experience for me in which i had a lot of fun, however the next time i had some which was at leavers after i?d finished high school, i inhaled a line of ecstacy up my nose at a rave and noticed that by brain felt a little bit funny almost like it was actually cooking. to this day i have this feeling +derailsation as i also smoked at leavers, which made things worse yet again. i have also experimented with nangs and these left me feeling cooked in the head aswell. I?m in a very low state of mind and feel as if my life has been altered in such a way and that i?m so out of this world that i can?t perform well in my new job that i?ve just started. I?ve also been sick on an off multiple times within the last year and have a cough that won?t go away so on top of all this my physical health is poor as well as my mental health. I just want this nightmare to end and get on with my life but sadly i think that this isn?t going to end due to my reckless and poor choices with substances. Personally i believe i have done permanent irreversible damage to my brain and am unsure what i should do. If someone could please give me some advice it would be appreciated.

Feel free to contact me on [email protected]
Thanks.