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Thread: 15-20 tabs, permanent body high, my story & a question

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    15-20 tabs, permanent body high, my story & a question 
    #1
    I was a moderate/semi-heavy user for about 2 years, taking 100-300mg biweekly, then the next 2 years I was doing upwards of 300-1000mg 2 to 3 times a week, usually in the 300-500mg range. But one night about 6 years ago a few of my friends and I decided to have a tab eating contest. Yea, we were extremely foolish, and although ignorance had a part to play, we also just didn't really care.

    The tabs tested for MDMA, but the exact dose was unknown. From experience I would say they were about 75-100mg. We were eating them whole, parachuting, snorting, plugging, the whole rainbow except for injecting.

    Long story short I had about 15-20 in a 24 hour period. I could tell something wasn't right when I started to have what felt like brain spasms, which would make my whole head twitch. After about 24 hours my roll hadn't decreased much, but out of sheer exhaustion I fell asleep mid-high. When I woke up I still had a fairly strong body high, had unusual sensations in my head, and was extremely forgetful.

    6 years later, after staying away from drugs for about 4 years, other than the occasional mush and lsd trip (which I've experienced no negative side effects, only positive), I still have some seemingly permanent side effects. I have a body high that's never gone away, similar to a 100mg MDMA body high. For some reason I can change the intensity of the sensation in specific areas through conscious effort.

    My memory at the beginning was bad enough that I could forget what I had just said to someone before they even had time to respond. Luckily my memory has substantially improved, although it's nowhere near where it used to be. I sometimes forget conversations I've had with people that they swear we had talke about on several occasions, and can sometimes have a hard time recalling things. I barely remember what items of mine are mine, so if they're mixed with another person's I usually rely on them to remember so I don't accidentally take something of their's. I try to focus my memory on people, and the experiences/conversations we have instead of material possessions, as it seems much more important to me. My ability to learn seems to still be intact, which I'm very thankful for.

    I developed pretty severe anxiety, but with regular meditation I was able to get it under control. At one point it was so bad I couldn't make cohesive sentences. I had depression before this, but it was definitely exacerbated. But meditation, dietary changes, reading, exercisjng, and a few enlightening hallucinogenic trips ended that and brought me to a much more positive place.

    Since that day I've never felt temperature the same. Cold sometimes feels like an extremely hot temperature, almost like a burning sensation.

    I've been able to stabilize myself well enough to have jobs, think critically, learn new skill sets, and have a calmer, more collected demeanor. It's obvious to me I did permanent damage, but I don't think it is to others. I think I'm a much better person as a whole than I was even before the experience, but that's because of major efforts to become a better human being.

    What I'm wondering is, if anyone could give me a more scientific reason for the things I've continued to experience, I have no hope of things improving at this point, but it would be nice to have some idea of what's going on.

    For those of you who are also suffering the aftereffects of MDMA abuse, perhaps still years later, just know it is manageable, you can still have a great life, and that even if you've done irreparable damage, you've still got an incredible amount of potential as a human being. Even with the issues you're dealing with you can still accomplish more than a member of any other species on the planet, so don't let your mistakes get you down. At least you're still here.

    Edit: I can't stress enough how important meditation was/is for my recovery and to maintain my state of mind. With how chaotic my mind was, I would have either had to medicate myself out of existence, live out my days in a psych ward, or committed suicide. Now I have dreams and aspirations, and actually feel capable of making them my reality. Meditation should be taught at every school, it's that important.
    Last edited by 20 Too Many; 14-02-2018 at 00:03.
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    #2
    Ha crazy story!
    So are you saying you dont really feel cold anymore?
    Do you still suffer from depression?
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    #3
    PDATE: The whole weekend I was having trouble sleeping and eating. But I would just eat some fruits and drink some green tea , I started feeling a little like myself Sunday morning but it would go and come. I went to see the doctor and he told me I basically ran a marathon and body is drained and tired and needs time to recover. He also advised for me to do a check Thursday which I am going to do then next week Tuesday I have an appointment again. Thanks for the help but I have a couple questions. 1. Why did I feel back to normal after my 1 week comedown and right after 1.5 week I started feeling shit again. 2. Why did I struggling with sleeping and eating. I?m slowly getting back my appetite and sleep but I?m still kinda concerned. 3. My eyes and brain have been feeling a little heavy / foggy. I?m feeling like my eyes are little slow and I?m scared that I did permanent damage to brain from just one dose. Is it possible ? Thanks in advance and I would appreciate if you can explain in dept what happening.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Shunsui View Post
    Ha crazy story!
    So are you saying you dont really feel cold anymore?
    Do you still suffer from depression?
    I feel cold, but sometimes I just feel a burning sensation like my body is sensing the wrong temperature.

    No depression anymore. For a couple years it was difficult to feel emotions, but after awhile I started to feel negative emotions, which is a much better starting point to try and work on yourself. It took a combination of systematically removing unhealthy habits, adding better ones in their place, and a few enlightening hallucinogenic trips to guide me back into a more positive state of mind. The depression was caused by previous trauma, before I started abusing drugs, the drugs were just a coping mechanism.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by 20 Too Many View Post
    I feel cold, but sometimes I just feel a burning sensation like my body is sensing the wrong temperature.

    No depression anymore. For a couple years it was difficult to feel emotions, but after awhile I started to feel negative emotions, which is a much better starting point to try and work on yourself. It took a combination of systematically removing unhealthy habits, adding better ones in their place, and a few enlightening hallucinogenic trips to guide me back into a more positive state of mind. The depression was caused by previous trauma, before I started abusing drugs, the drugs were just a coping mechanism.
    Ah, glad you are feeling better!
    Psychedelics also helped me a great deal, although now I crave that intense feeling of love you get when you discover who you really are.
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    #6
    My name is King Cuzzo and I would like some information or advice. I am 19 years old , 5,6 ft and way about 59 kg( 131 in pounds )On Jan 12th 2018 I had my birthday and it was really fun. But I had a lil too much fun. I drank and smoked a lot but also did about 150mg of ecstasy that night. I woke up the next morning and continued to party again but this time i took two pills of 200mg each. Yes I know it?s a lot but at the time I wasn?t aware I just wanted to have fun. I?m not a regular user that was my 3rd time in my entire life. They day after I felt like shit. I was depressed, having brainzaps ( shocks through my body) at one point during that week I had a panic/ anxiety attack. I didn?t feel like I was in tune with reality merely just walking and I would after feel like I was having a delay. The weekend I stayed by a friend and drank lot of tea and vitamin C and slowly I got better. I had my appetite back and I felt normal. I started gym about 2 weeks after so I started sweating. After a couple days I started feeling the symptoms coming back but I still felt kinda normal. I would just feel a little out of sync. I?m not having any memory problems or spasms but I did get about one or two brainzaps during this time. I feel the same but just a little out of touch. And the two weeks before I was perfect. Is it because it?s still in my system and I started sweating it out or did I take to much and it?s just taking a while to come down. I?m going to see the doctors Tuesday. But would still like some advice

    PDATE: The whole weekend I was having trouble sleeping and eating. But I would just eat some fruits and drink some green tea , I started feeling a little like myself Sunday morning but it would go and come. I went to see the doctor and he told me I basically ran a marathon and body is drained and tired and needs time to recover. He also advised for me to do a check Thursday which I am going to do then next week Tuesday I have an appointment again. Thanks for the help but I have a couple questions. 1. Why did I feel back to normal after my 1 week comedown and right after 1.5 week I started feeling shit again. 2. Why did I struggling with sleeping and eating. I?m slowly getting back my appetite and sleep but I?m still kinda concerned. 3. My eyes and brain have been feeling a little heavy / foggy. I?m feeling like my eyes are little slow and I?m scared that I did permanent damage to brain from just one dose. Is it possible ? Thanks in advance and I would appreciate if you can explain in dept what happening.
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