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Today decided I am going to stop this relapse in its tracks.

I'm in a similar situation to you CfZrx... breaking a sobriety streak with getting high and then basically just being in a constant low state which eventually causes me to break down. Luckily, at least, my chronic pain has been in check and I haven't experienced any in a while. It seems to me that I'll hit a breaking point either early on or a week in after I start to feel a little better, but a craving hits so intense and derails me entirely. Not sure how to cope anymore, but really giving it a hard shot this week.
 
I'm on bupe and haven't had real cravings for months. OTOH, when I was on methadone I still had cravings. It feels more drug like in effects and generally when I'm on an opiate I just want more opiate :\ Whereas my low dose bupe just makes me feel "normal" but somehow stupidly satisfied with things. Have you tried bupe?

My trick with cravings was always to try and just wait 5 minutes, then another 5 and so on. I used to get shakey and sweaty though but some meditation helped.
 
spondy said:
I'm in a similar situation to you CfZrx... breaking a sobriety streak with getting high and then basically just being in a constant low state which eventually causes me to break down. Luckily, at least, my chronic pain has been in check and I haven't experienced any in a while. It seems to me that I'll hit a breaking point either early on or a week in after I start to feel a little better, but a craving hits so intense and derails me entirely. Not sure how to cope anymore, but really giving it a hard shot this week.
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What does your pain come from? Hope u can make use of this time to become clean w/ me :)

swilow said:
I'm on bupe and haven't had real cravings for months. OTOH, when I was on methadone I still had cravings. It feels more drug like in effects and generally when I'm on an opiate I just want more opiate :\ Whereas my low dose bupe just makes me feel "normal" but somehow stupidly satisfied with things. Have you tried bupe?

My trick with cravings was always to try and just wait 5 minutes, then another 5 and so on. I used to get shakey and sweaty though but some meditation helped.
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When i entered pain mgmnt, the first thing the doc tried to get approved by insurance was a Butrans patch. They said, no way, try something cheap like Duragesic. He seemed to think that was a lame idea, so he did a DNA cheek swab which showed that methadone would hit me hard as a mofo at a small dose. It has worked wonders from minute 1. i don't ever get cravings for opiates or anything else...I think that's the cannabis replacement therapy. It's just that once I get going using it is hard to sit through the little sick feelings and clean up again. But I'm gonna keep trying. I don't work today, so I hope to slow the roll.

I like your 5 minute wait trick. Gonna see how that works for me :) Another good trick I heard at AA is to tell yourself "tomorrow I will drink, yes tomorrow I will get fuckin wasted". And then tell yourself the same thing tomorrow,lol. Btw, sounds like subs have done wonders for you! Good to hear some non-negative publicity for sub. I think it sounds like a great tool.
 
Well, I didn't stop this relapse in its tracks yet, but I am hating myself more each day that I don't quit. At least all the dilaudid is gone! They were a lot more habit forming than anything else I've tried other than heroin. Getting high has been a big letdown. I have felt profoundly depressed most of this relapse. The high from sobriety is so much better. Loving yourself and feeling crisp and fresh is the way to go. So I will re-commit myself to this brief taper with the 9 (i think) mscontin 60s that are left. Any suggestions are welcome. I will promise to Bluelight right here and now that I will only use the pills orally :) Thanks for listening-CfZrx p.s. If you are just tuning in, I began this relapse because I was overwhelmed with pain. I told myself I would only use to help get through work, but immediately ramped up to all day use.
 
I have a couple fractures in my lumbar and crushed discs with ddd, plus same thing at a few levels in my neck. It's gotten pretty arthritic but manageable.
 
spondy said:
I have a couple fractures in my lumbar and crushed discs with ddd, plus same thing at a few levels in my neck. It's gotten pretty arthritic but manageable.
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Sounds like legit pain! What helps the most for your pain?
 
CfZrx said:
Thanks JahSEEus :) I am remembering that one should make use of days off work to pull this off proper. Today went for a light run, and then grabbed some Starbucks...was trying to find some energy that the poppy stole from me. Used again. Struggled with myself for awhile wanting to dose big, but talked myself into staying low. Tomorrow I'm off. Will keep it very green. Last time i dealt with this shit was late 2014. JahSeeuS, where are you in regards to your addiction if I may ask?
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Well removed from a 240-320 mg oxycontin habit. Was about 8 or 9 years ago when I did a quick taper and stopped CT. Was hell for a week and misery for a year after PAWS. Still not sure how much my brain changed in that time (roughly 3 years of heavy use). I feel really good now though. It's amazing how you think there is now way through life without them but now I don't give them a second thought, even when I injure myself.

About 4 years ago I got into a minor habit of taking some 10 mg hydrocodones every now and then, but the feelings started creeping back and I left them alone.
 
JahSEEuS said:
About 4 years ago I got into a minor habit of taking some 10 mg hydrocodones every now and then, but the feelings started creeping back and I left them alone.
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I hope my story soon echos yours. I'm feeling positive about this for now. peace bros/sis
 
30mg oral beyond my prescribed dose. I'm putting the tiger back to sleep. You are cordially invited to stop your relapse in its tracks with me.
 
Twist in plot. Accidentally saw my prescribing doc in person. I'm worried he noticed the extra 30mg MSC in my behavior/eyes. Now I'm motivated to jump the fuck off this stupid relapse quick! I think it will be easy. I was wrong last time, but a broken clock is right twice ;)
 
Today I am on track to go back to my prescribed dose! I stretched a ton, and believe I will not feel the need for a chunk of morphine in order to sleep :) MotivationalDoc on youtube sure offers good insight into helping the pain of cervical degeneration.
 
Case closed! Today is day 2!!! :) Whoohoo! A few more wrong moves and it could have been months, and thousands of dollars. Thanks all for the support! Hopefully I didn't get any bacteria into my bloodstream from that one IV shot I tried. Definitely got some pill chunks in there :( I was in such a rush I forgot to use more than a silly cotton.
 
Well done! Keep it up. Maybe i missed something but I didn't see anything about a shot.

Hope all is well! :)
 
JahSEEuS said:
Well done! Keep it up. Maybe i missed something but I didn't see anything about a shot.

Hope all is well! :)
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Hey Jahseeus, yeah I think I neglected to mention the IV episode of the relapse due to shame. Thought about doing it again (of course) but decided it could lead to further addiction. --------------------So today is day 3 and I'm dying in pain. The original reason I relapsed has reminded me about it. I still have morphine, but am choosing to not take it! I'll admit this is because I want to be able to test clean when I next see my doctor. I had to stop sometime though, so better now than later. Making appt with pain doc. Thanks for the support :) How are you/your pain?
 
If you're serious about quitting, then you should flush your morphine. Otherwise the temptation will always be RIGHT THERE. Plus, it's empowering to do it. I relapsed many times before I finally got off opiates because I kept some around "just in case", or even kept some around because I felt bad wasting it since I paid for it. Both of those thoughts were rationalizations and until I dumped my opiates that I had remaining, I was never able to stay off. In fact I only very rarely even got through acute withdrawal. Usually I'd make it 5 days or so and give in, since my stash was still at hand and lack of sleep and restless legs/arms were driving me insane.
 
Xorkoth said:
If you're serious about quitting, then you should flush your morphine.
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Definitely worth considering! Well, I made it through day 3 without taking any pills beyond my 15mg daily methadone dose! Believe me I thought about it. I brought 30mg to work in case I needed it, but the methadone was enough thankfully! I would like to flush em, but I'm scared of pain and of running out of methadone for random reasons like happened this winter.That withdrawal put the fear of god in me! I asked my doctor to up my dose a couple pills a week to help with the 2 long days I typically do. Fingers crossed.
 
Day 4 i think, i took 30 mg after a horrible night of sleep to help go to bed. Next day(day 5) i took 15 mg. Now this is day 2 of zero, so I do believe the spell is broken. Of course it's a life long struggle living with chronic pain in a medical world that's been traumatized by addiction to opiates and the media frenzy around oxy then fentanyl. And like Xorkoth said, I'm playing with fire having easy access, and I do hear the demons whispering in the wind here and there... But I'm happy to be sober again, at least my version of it :)
 
^Good on you mate :)

But I'm happy to be sober again, at least my version of it
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Ha, I'm with you man. I consider myself sober even though I am taking 2 medications a day. I consider them both medicines that really do keep me well and normal seeming. And, mainly, away from the things that really fuck me up.
 
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