So I used to be a bad opioid addict but got into it on kind of an odd schedule. I used heroin and morphine IV for a couple of years before finally beginning to use it every day and becoming physically addicted. In the very beginning I was using heroin in a city that did not have on-the-corner heroin dealers and actually not much of a supply of heroin at all. I had one connection for it and she would only come through about once a month or so. I had been experimenting with meth, coke, crack and others so this just seemed like another thing to try.
But anyway, before I had felt the true fire of physical addiction I introduced several people to it. To me, it was an amazing feeling that I wanted to share with my friends. In my circle I was usually one of the more drug-knowledgeable people and a lot of my friends looked up to me for info on drugs and for drugs themselves. So when they tried it, I measured their dose and injected them.
As you can probably imagine, several of them ended up becoming addicts. Several others didn't and either used it occasionally for a while before completely stopping or never even took up an offer from me again. But of the ones who did become addicted, several of them went hard into it. One thing I did not know about my city was how readily available high-dose prescription pills were. This was right around the early days of the "OxyContin epidemic" around 1998 or 1999, when even most drug users did not know what they were. Most of the people I introduced that became addicts eventually made the switch over to prescription pills which were much more common in the area. This is the same switch I made that would eventually see me reaching the worst points of my addiction.
A couple people I introduced to heroin had a really tough time of it but were eventually able to get off. One is still going to the methadone clinic to this day and doesn't think they will ever get off of it. One is still actively using on the streets. Two of them died of an overdose some years later.
I have a ton of self-loathing about this and it feels like it never goes away. I imagine a lot of addicts have introduced friends to their drug of choice who went on to become addicts themselves. Do you feel guilty about it? How do you move past this? In this circle of friends everyone knows I was the one who first brought it in. We aren't close like we were years ago but we still see and talk to each other from time-to-time. They always say they don't blame me but it can be hard to understand how. In my mind I have destroyed so many lives.
But anyway, before I had felt the true fire of physical addiction I introduced several people to it. To me, it was an amazing feeling that I wanted to share with my friends. In my circle I was usually one of the more drug-knowledgeable people and a lot of my friends looked up to me for info on drugs and for drugs themselves. So when they tried it, I measured their dose and injected them.
As you can probably imagine, several of them ended up becoming addicts. Several others didn't and either used it occasionally for a while before completely stopping or never even took up an offer from me again. But of the ones who did become addicted, several of them went hard into it. One thing I did not know about my city was how readily available high-dose prescription pills were. This was right around the early days of the "OxyContin epidemic" around 1998 or 1999, when even most drug users did not know what they were. Most of the people I introduced that became addicts eventually made the switch over to prescription pills which were much more common in the area. This is the same switch I made that would eventually see me reaching the worst points of my addiction.
A couple people I introduced to heroin had a really tough time of it but were eventually able to get off. One is still going to the methadone clinic to this day and doesn't think they will ever get off of it. One is still actively using on the streets. Two of them died of an overdose some years later.
I have a ton of self-loathing about this and it feels like it never goes away. I imagine a lot of addicts have introduced friends to their drug of choice who went on to become addicts themselves. Do you feel guilty about it? How do you move past this? In this circle of friends everyone knows I was the one who first brought it in. We aren't close like we were years ago but we still see and talk to each other from time-to-time. They always say they don't blame me but it can be hard to understand how. In my mind I have destroyed so many lives.
