In desperate need of assistance for recovery plan. (knowledgeable posts preferred)

[PureWitness00]

Straight to the point: I have serious ADD and attention issues. Also, I have a severe trauama based anxiety disorder that has been misdiagnosed by multiple doctors, often as psychosis, and because of that I have been given inappropriate medicines for years, which have caused de-humanizing side effects. I have tried 17 different antipsychotics. I have tried 6 different SSRIs. Neither of these types of medicines have helped. I've also tried many benzos including xanax, ativan, clonazepam, diazepam, and a few thianobenzodiazepines such as etizolam - all of which have been tremendously beneficial in a short term sense. I refuse to use anything as far as amphetamines or methamphetamines are concerned for fairly obvious reasons. Modafinil, and other nootropics have been useful for motivation and even some of them have helped with anxiety.

Now, I need to make this clear - over the 5 years I've had said issues, I have discovered transformative practices from hindu and buddhist traditions that have repeatedly proven to make my symptoms vanish. I am incapable of doing these practices if I am in a state of panic, which is most of the time. And when I'm not panicking I'm usually too exhausted to do anything at all. The attention issues make this situation far more complicated...

I'm 24 years old and I am unable to work or take care of myself. I am frequently prone to physical illness as my immune system is shot from so many different factors -sleep deprivation, chronic stress, hypertension, etc.. I am lucky my mother is temporarily helping me out after she found out I was sleeping in bathrooms in 34 degree weather for days on end. Her patience is wearing thin as the panic attacks are taking a toll on her life, her free time, and so on.

I am looking for a plan to get temporarily stabilized so I can focus all of my energy on mastering these practices. The ideal goal of them is to master the precision and smoothness of my breathing to make staying out of fight or flight, or stay in the parasympathetic nervous system a deeply ingrained habit.

I have access to 200,000 dollars and I am using that money to get on my feet. That can include nootropics, supplements, benzos, or whatever is needed. Then I am going straight back to work, school, etc.

What is a good reigmen of medicine I can take on to meet these needs? i.e. 1 mg xanax + 50 mg modafinil mon-wed. thursday 100 mg modafinil friday 200 mg modafinil saturday-sunday 2 mg. etizolam

Any help appreciated

-pure witness

 

[JahSEEuS]

Damn, I am sorry to hear about the misdiagnosis. My cousin went through a very similar situation.

My advice would be to stop worrying about the medicine and start focusing on your mindfulness / meditation practices. You know your body and mind best, so whatever works for you in that regard I would leave up to you and a doctor you trust.

I prefer to stay away from any and all benzos. Cannabis can be a rather safe alternative, but some people do not respond well to it. I have found THC and CBD oils to be most effective for my mood vs. plant material which has other properties that seem to produce the paranoid/anxious side effects.

I would save / invest the money or put it into a passion or small business idea or school.

I don't know much about nootropics, but have heard of phenibut being useful in a once or twice a week setting

Have you tried any sort of talk or behavioral therapy? Have you tried to locate the root cause of these anxieties or are you merely trying to medicate the symptoms?

I'm sorry I'm not of great help, but I wish you the best of luck.

 

[PureWitness00]

Thank you!

I am already planning on opening a yoga center with the money -i've been planning this a while actually.
I hate benzos too but they are needed right now I think.
Behavioral therapy is on the agenda once I am stable enough to commit.

 

[Painful One]

Trauma based anxiety disorder- I know this one well.

Some things that have helped me are diet, daily exercise, MEDITATION, forgiveness, and spirituality.
You have got to dig deep. Be honest with yourself. Brutal honesty.
Focus on breathing and staying centered in your heart. Keep focusing on it all the time until you automatically do this without having to focus on it all the time.

Pray. Even if you don't believe, pray. I will be praying for you. This is something you can overcome with unconditional love.

I would keep the medications stable too. Same amount, same medication everyday. Find what works for you.
Work through this. You can do it.

Sending love and encouragement!