Mental Health Adderall, depression and addiction

[simco]

I've struggled with major depression for years, and the last year has been especially bad. I'm also an ex-heroin addict (had about a year clean in October followed by a couple small relapses in the last few months).

My question has to do with the potential for harm that comes with Rx'ed adderall for someone like me.

Quick description of the situation: when my depression is bad, I get deeply anhedonic. I lie in bed for days and feel like a giant weight is pulling me, making it all but impossible to do anything, including the kinds of things that I know might help my mood (such as getting a job, visiting friends, exercise, etc). My depression is also fairly resistant to treatment. I've tried many antidepressants, mood stabilizers, anxiolytics, and antipsychotics over the years, with glimmers of success here and there, but mostly the depression has just worsened with age.

Recently, I got my hands on some adderall (not Rx'ed to me). Taking 10mg of it bid had a surprisingly good effect. It seemed to cut through the haze and exhaustion. I wasn't the picture of health, but I was way less depressed than I had been prior.

With that in mind, I asked my psychiatrist if he would prescribe me some adderall of my own. He complied, and now I'm scripted 10 mg/2times/day.

Since starting this regimen (it's been four days now), I have been feeling quite good. But I'm worried that I'm letting a genie out of the bottle with this. Which brings me to my questions.

Assuming I'm able to limit my use of this amphetamine to my scripted dose, is it likely that I'll find myself worse off down the road?

Part of the reason I ask is that after 20+ years on benzos, I'm pretty much married to those...I don't abuse them. But I've tried several times to get off and simply can't do it, at least at this time. I would really hate to get seriously dependent on another class of drugs.

I suppose what I'm asking is: what are some of the risks of long-term but physician-monitored use of a substance like adderall?

 

[achemicalreaction]

Hey Simco,

Can totally relate to the anhedonic and depression paralysis. Also been prescribed benzos for 20+ years.

I had a psychiatrist prescribe me Ritalin for a while for exactly that reason, and he seemed to take the stance that it was a bit gentler (not sure how to interpret that) than the adderal. Not sure if that helps. My best friend took Adderal for a long time and her aggression/agitation went up quite a bit / tho she ended up tapering off during pregnancy and stayed off. An anti depressant that had an energizing effect on me was Wellbutrin - it didn’t do much for my depression but felt much the same in terms of a stimulating effect. Guessing you may have tried this though as you mention being on many different kinds over the years.

Are you doing any supplements?

Hang in there, sounds like the adderal is helping get you out of bed at least! And I know how that feels

 

[simco]

I take a simple multivitamin but that?s it.

Yeah, I?m inclined to give the adderall a chance and see what happens. It?s got me feeling pretty edgy. But I?m some ways that?s an ok change for me at this point.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

No, and there are other threads that talk about this too, fyi, stimulants (Adderall, Ritalin, and so on) are not sustainable antidepressants. They receded greatly after a month or two. At that point, best to not raise the dose, or you'll be closer to "letting the genie out of the bottle"--side effect incidence will increase, and positive effects decrease, and then eventually you're at baseline again. At a low dose with no abuse, things might be a little better, but it's never like the first few times, even if you mega dose later on. If you're taking it for depression, sounds like a bad idea from what I've read.

 

[Supermomgettingby8]

Hi there, I just wanted to share a little bit of my experience with this because I to a few months ago was in the position of really wanting to give some of these meds a try in long-term Recovery. First let me say, Everyone is different, and I did a lot of research before hand and so much of it was supporting research about how our brains, as Addicts, work and how medication like this is really what we needed all along. Like I said this is only my experience and you may have a different one. As matter fact as an addict myself, I know your brain may even tell you that you will have a different experience because the meds are working for you. I took my prescribed dose for about a week after the best of the best intentions. I have one speed and it's go . So I started experimenting with how more milligrams could get any farther in the day and how I started to like the euphoria but I can still control my life which is what I really actually like about the drug. Needless to say according to general recovery standards the first time I went off the prescriptive dose, I had technically relapsed. I have a pretty high tolerance to uppers so I just gradually continue to take more and more, now I have been prescribed the meds for three months and so far I'm still managing my life which is not something that I was able to do smoking crack or snorting cocaine, or even drinking heavily for that matter. I'll just say, it's a slippery slope. Like I said, this is my third month on the medicine and this month I've managed to blow through my script in less than two weeks. I think there are separate concerns for people who have been addicted to uppers and downers. I think you said 10 mg which is a pretty low dose so as an experience drug user you are going to think, at least I think you will think after probably a week that more would be better. After I started experimenting taking more for the desired effect, it wasn't long before I started researching different methods of administration. I mean I feel like we are just wired this way. In the event that you do end up taking more than prescribed you are either going to keep taking it or you're going to want something to come down which is where the downers come in which is what you were addicted to in the first place. I'm sorry I need to keep talking out my own experience. Like I said everyone is different and I know that there are plenty of people in this world that take his medication as prescribed to have addictive pasts, I am just not one of them. But, Ive never been to downers person so instead I picked up a drink and that helped with some of the symptoms when I did decide to take more. If you?re experienced in benzos or downers you will probably seek them out if you've taken enough to feel like you need something to take the edge off when you come down. What normal people will not recognize as a come down you will. I really wish you the best of luck, I've been wanting to share my experience so I was glad to see this post.

 

[simco]

Thanks for the feedback so far, folks.

I'm starting to think this script is indeed a bad idea. Between my own misgivings and what you all have posted, it seems risky at best and probably worse than that.

Still curious to hear other people's thoughts if anyone stumbles on this thread.

 

[Crazy#1370977]

I suffered from postpartum depression, alcoholism, anxiety, ...you name it. I was a mess with an abusive partner and a new baby. I was baker acted twice. Diagnosed all kinds of things... put on a whole load of anti depressants, anti anxiety pills. Then i really talked to my doctor, and we went through another journey with Ritalin and others.
I did some research and asked her to try adderal. I hated it like the others. Always the "stuck'" feeling . She told me to get brand, and made them extended release. I take 30 mg in the morning, and 10 mg at noon. I've always had trouble with sleep, but worked through the other obviously promblematic side affects I had (muscle tension, chewing inside of my cheeks)
A year later, I still have trouble with alcohol, and my ever present feeling of missing something. Still, I can now organize my thoughts, motivate, enjoy myself (the feeling you talked about)
Unpleasant situations are easier... the past year I finally feel like I'm an adult, and not a kid acting like one.
I honestly can say, it saved my life.
I've gotten a lot of c rap from people judging me for it, though.
others.. (usually older therapists and counselors) they point out things about adults with adhd, and the insight to wjy i am the way i am just floors me.
It's been said already, everyone's different. I used to HATE when people claimed they NEEDED a pill to do something... to feel something. Always thought it was a lame as excuse to hide in a high. But I hid in a bottle.. so.. yah.
Find what's safe for you. Good luck