nightonthesun1
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2018
- Messages
- 3
This is a well-intentioned post coming from a Percocet addict at 28 months clean. This is my first post here but I am no stranger. Bluelight is the site I turned to when I had questions all throughout my addiction because IMO it is frank and realistic which makes it helpful. Some of these threads could have saved my life as I'd be up Googling things like "why can't I stop," "drug interactions between x and y," and many varieties of the question "what is happening to me?" This site would always appear in my search results, leading me like a lantern through those difficult but necessary nights.
To me, 'clean' does not indicate flawlessness. Throughout my 2 years, 4 months' sobriety I have not been perfect. During my early period of sobriety I took the antidepressants, I got the sponsor, I had to rely on the generosity of others, and I smoked cigarettes relentlessly until I was comfortable enough to quit. Eventually I no longer made the time to attend NA meetings (I still don't; sorry if that discredits me with some of you). I lost friends during my own recovery, to the law and overdose alike, and failed to attend funerals. I changed my number and to some people I'm sure I disappeared. I had to let go of all of that.
I believe every decision throughout my 'to-clean' journey impacted the outcome of my life today. I am not here to preach to anyone nor am I hear to diminish my own experience or generalize drug addiction and recreational or medical use in any way. I am just here to extend a hand to anyone who might feel inclined to ask questions. I can and will talk to you about my personal transition from active addiction to.. well, an addict at 28 months clean.. and some cognitive and emotional effects I have experienced since quitting opiates in 2015. There are many downsides to living a healthy lifestyle post-addiction including the mismanagement of emotions including feelings of emptiness and disconnectedness, nostalgia and the longing to escape, and obviously the dreaded PAWS not limited to physical pain and anxiety.
I know what it's like to take those first few little steps. I also know what it's like to be met with mountain over river under mountain over river. Please let me know if anyone has any questions regarding these challenges.
To me, 'clean' does not indicate flawlessness. Throughout my 2 years, 4 months' sobriety I have not been perfect. During my early period of sobriety I took the antidepressants, I got the sponsor, I had to rely on the generosity of others, and I smoked cigarettes relentlessly until I was comfortable enough to quit. Eventually I no longer made the time to attend NA meetings (I still don't; sorry if that discredits me with some of you). I lost friends during my own recovery, to the law and overdose alike, and failed to attend funerals. I changed my number and to some people I'm sure I disappeared. I had to let go of all of that.
I believe every decision throughout my 'to-clean' journey impacted the outcome of my life today. I am not here to preach to anyone nor am I hear to diminish my own experience or generalize drug addiction and recreational or medical use in any way. I am just here to extend a hand to anyone who might feel inclined to ask questions. I can and will talk to you about my personal transition from active addiction to.. well, an addict at 28 months clean.. and some cognitive and emotional effects I have experienced since quitting opiates in 2015. There are many downsides to living a healthy lifestyle post-addiction including the mismanagement of emotions including feelings of emptiness and disconnectedness, nostalgia and the longing to escape, and obviously the dreaded PAWS not limited to physical pain and anxiety.
I know what it's like to take those first few little steps. I also know what it's like to be met with mountain over river under mountain over river. Please let me know if anyone has any questions regarding these challenges.
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