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February Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread, v oh my! What happened to January?

did you feel like you had much choice or control, or do you really felt like you were on auto pilot?
 
My taper kinda stalled out it seems...today is 4th day on 0.375mg and my mood keeps deteriorating :(
 
artmo66 said:
My taper kinda stalled out it seems...today is 4th day on 0.375mg and my mood keeps deteriorating :(
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it's OK, you are adjusting to the dosage

give it time

stay at the dose for a week or two if you have to, don't give up!!!
 
artmo66 said:
My taper kinda stalled out it seems...today is 4th day on 0.375mg and my mood keeps deteriorating :(
Click to expand...

I'm in agreement with CH...one of the hardest things about tapering is giving your body adequate time to stablize between drops. Take the time you need.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
did you feel like you had much choice or control, or do you really felt like you were on auto pilot?
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I don't know how to explain it I just drove towards his house and the thought of how low my tolerance would be and the thought of the buzz I would get just over took me
 
yubacity said:
I don't know how to explain it I just drove towards his house and the thought of how low my tolerance would be and the thought of the buzz I would get just over took me
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Man, I've been there many times. Those are some of the most brutal moments in recovery. I'm just really glad you're back and ready to move forward.
 
simco said:
Man, I've been there many times. Those are some of the most brutal moments in recovery. I'm just really glad you're back and ready to move forward.
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This forum is helping me greatly. I can't go express my feelings in places like NA it's just how I am.In a weird way I'm glad I relapsed on day 13 that buzz was so filled with shame and disgust it in a way proved to me I want to change.Yesterday my 5 year old daughter sat on my lap and hugged me It brought tears to my eyes that should be my buzz not opium.I just have to live my life sober no drugs or drink.I know I ain't normal I will abuse every mind altering thing I do .The saving grace was I was a functioning addict so my home life and work life was good.

The one thing I'm worried about is while on the black tar my staying power in the bedroom was great.My wife is back from the states on Saturday what will she think
 
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artmo66 said:
My taper kinda stalled out it seems...today is 4th day on 0.375mg and my mood keeps deteriorating :(
Click to expand...

What are you tapering?

yubacity said:
This forum is helping me greatly. I can't go express my feelings in places like NA it's just how I am.In a weird way I'm glad I relapsed on day 13 that buzz was so filled with shame and disgust it in a way proved to me I want to change.Yesterday my 5 year old daughter sat on my lap and hugged me It brought tears to my eyes that should be my buzz not opium.I just have to live my life sober no drugs or drink.I know I ain't normal I will abuse every mind altering thing I do .The saving grace was I was a functioning addict so my home life and work life was good.

The one thing I'm worried about is while on the black tar my staying power in the bedroom was great.My wife is back from the states on Saturday what will she think
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Do you have any strategies for how you'll avoid getting in a place where you can't handle the cravings involved in not using/etc?

With the staying power thing, try devoting more time to foreplay. That might help. Learning how to make love without whatever DOC is a process though. Not being too hard on one's self about it (as always) and talking with your partner about what's going on in terms of sex is probably worth considering.

Though I'm in zero positions to be giving relationship advice...
 
yubacity said:
I don't know how to explain it I just drove towards his house and the thought of how low my tolerance would be and the thought of the buzz I would get just over took me
Click to expand...

I hate that feeling of a loss of willpower. Really sucks.

Doesn't mean you have to keep using though, you can quit again whenever you want.
 
toothpastedog said:
What are you tapering?



Do you have any strategies for how you'll avoid getting in a place where you can't handle the cravings involved in not using/etc?

With the staying power thing, try devoting more time to foreplay. That might help. Learning how to make love without whatever DOC is a process though. Not being too hard on one's self about it (as always) and talking with your partner about what's going on in terms of sex is probably worth considering.

Though I'm in zero positions to be giving relationship advice...
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At the moment I'm just taking it day by day the cravings are there but I try to ignore them what a bastard drug opium is.The other thing will just have to see when the wife comes back thanks for the advicr
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I hate that feeling of a loss of willpower. Really sucks.

Doesn't mean you have to keep using though, you can quit again whenever you want.
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It was only a relapse on day 13.What I thought would be one of the best highs because of tolerance being so low was one of the worst I got real high but it was so racked with shame guilt and regret I did not enjoy it.I can't believe how we relapse even after the pain of wd
 
^what are you doing with your time during the day? Maybe you can try and explore activities that support your health/wellbeing. Lots of little things will help, super simple basic stuff a lot of the time. Finding people to help encourage and support is also sooooo helpful.

Is your wife supportive with the not using stuff?
 
toothpastedog said:
Damn, and gotcha. Perhaps kratom is worth a shot. Let us know how it goes with the psych. Hopefully he can get you some meds that help.
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toothpastedog said:
^what are you doing with your time during the day? Maybe you can try and explore activities that support your health/wellbeing. Lots of little things will help, super simple basic stuff a lot of the time. Finding people to help encourage and support is also sooooo helpful.

Is your wife supportive with the not using stuff?
Click to expand...
My wife is so over the moon I have quit I waited until I had fully detoxed to tell her.She is visiting her mom in the states we have been together Since we were sophmores in high school.When I came to the UK at 21 we got married and she settled here with me she is my rock.At the moment my free time is spent listening to music and taking care of my three kids who drop of at cousins before work and pick up after.The trouble is my kids have got used to a dad who would never really discipline them because I was always high I was easy going a cool dad.They are running riot at home.My wife comes back on sat and I can't wait but even with her I don't share my feelings and I don't think she would understand the cravings I'm having after the wd.I thought it would be so easy after the wd period right now it is 4 20 in the morning I'm wide awake I stopped the pegablin because I started taking more to get a buzz instead of just a sleep aide.Taking the kids to a zoo tomorrow That should keep mind of opium joining gym as soon as wife comes back.Im thinking if I have got an addictive trait might try getting addicted to gym.My biggest test will be when I go see pearl jam play in a few months.I have never watched a band play without being off my head on something.But I'm hoping by then the cravings will subside.Why did I ever smoke that first bowel why did I ever do that first line of crank why when I was on a coke come down did I smoke a bit of h to level me out.
 
Hey guys . Just wanted to stop by really quick and say thank you...from one internet stranger to another , it really means a lot . Sim , Capt . and TPD and everyone else offering support and non judgmental advice . love yall . I don't have much time but will be back later today .
Shine On .
 
artmo66 said:
Hey guys . Just wanted to stop by really quick and say thank you...from one internet stranger to another , it really means a lot . Sim , Capt . and TPD and everyone else offering support and non judgmental advice . love yall . I don't have much time but will be back later today .
Shine On .
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Hell yeah, man. It's our pleasure, seriously. Really glad to hear you're busy.
 
artmo66 said:
Hey guys . Just wanted to stop by really quick and say thank you...from one internet stranger to another , it really means a lot . Sim , Capt . and TPD and everyone else offering support and non judgmental advice . love yall . I don't have much time but will be back later today .
Shine On .
Click to expand...

What simco said :) looking forward to hearing how you’re doing. Hold that head up high comrade %)
 
My Boss: Something's different about you lately.
Me: Well, I quit drinking.
My Boss: That can't be it. I've never seen you drunk.
Me: Actually, you've never seen me sober.

Peace&Love,
jasper
 
Havent been doing well at all . I only seem to be able to taper when my supply is low. Been doing 40-60 mg of oxy a day . I have been super productive and In a great mood , just wish they didn?t cost so much or I would prob do them forever :( Sucks I need a drug to be happy, considering I have a good life, loving husband , great job , 2 healthy daughters. Im just bored I guess and the oxy make me happy with just chilling at home with the hubby, kids and my parrots. Ugh.
 
3 days sober..

Got absolutely shitfaced the other night. For whatever reason I made justifications on why it would be ok (sound familiar?); In the end I felt ashamed the next day, not only because I was extremely hungover, but I essentially flushed 53 days of sobriety down the toilet. I had a trigger the day before and I even worked through it just fine. So i'm kind of mad at myself, but at the same time it's just another reminder that me and alcohol really don't go well together and I'm capable of living a sober life.
 
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