Evil Enlightenment

[lazydullard]

Have you garnered any lasting benefit from evils you undertook? Breaking the law, violating other people, stealing, verbal abuse?

I have cured my existential anxiety from undertaking evil acts of stealing. I was a prolific shoplifter for about five years. It was the main source of my income. I feel that I have freed myself from cultural pressures from my evil actions. I feel that I have affirmed my right to exist by taking from others. I realized that life is what you make it, however you make it. I'm now a positive nihilist turned hedonist.

I haven't stolen in seven months. I'm slowly reworking certain cultural pressures back into my mind, because my life as a thief became untenable. I've been sober all this time too. I feel that my evil actions have gained me a better acceptance of life. I'm now attending college and have goals to be a self-actualized lawful citizen, because I found that good, honest living does feel good. I'm basically doing it because it feels better than being homeless, not because of any moral imperative. If homeless shelters didn't suck, I'd still be out there.

There's an old Christian sect known as antinomianism. It says that we're released from law by grace. Certain sects even took it further, claiming that committing evils like necrophilia brought them closer to God. I certainly feel closer to God than I used to. This is because I wielded my personal agenda with impunity for many years. I have experienced impunity. That's God right there. I don't mean this to be religious discussion (though I'm fine if it turns out that way) but I just wanted to include some historical basis for evil enlightenment.

My question is, has evil improved your life? Whether your evil or someone else's evil.

 

[Tubbs]

I think my past as a dealer and junkie have given made me more accepting of others in a bad position. I'm a lot more understanding.

 

[Cosmic Trigger]

No "evil" is what has made my life a living hell.

 

[Foreigner]

The cardinal sins are about what it does to your own spirit to commit them, and less about what it has to do with others. People get away with stealing every day, but how do they feel deep down inside about it? OP, you said it yourself, it feels better to live an honest life. I think anyone who's in touch with their true inner nature, which is that of goodness, joy, love and compassion, would not steal. That said, people steal for survival all the time and I support it because our monetary system is so commodified now that every facet of life revolves around money. It's virtual slavery.

That said, I don't understand the title of the thread. Enlightenment is neither good nor evil. It's a state of absolute clarity about the nature of oneself and reality that is purely momentary and unconditional. We have all experienced glimpses of that at some point or another, but almost none of us are experiencing that state 24/7. An enlightened person may or may not steal but their choices would not be governed by any narrative. It would maybe be a momentary joyful thing and then released the very next moment.

Why would you call yourself evil for stealing, especially since you did it to avoid homeless shelters?

 

[touchofgrey92]

My history with indulgence has brought me a lot of compassion.

 

[lazydullard]

The cardinal sins are about what it does to your own spirit to commit them...

That's the thing. I became more and more elated and powerful feeling as I committed the crimes. I would be ecstatic when I stole something. That's why I believe my nature is evil. I believe some people were put on this planet to do evil, and that they experience enlightenment when they free themselves of society's voice. I had no guilt during my crime spree.

Now I'm trying to embrace lawful life, and there's a tinge of shame, like that I'm less worthy than other people because of my thefts, but that's society's voice on me. There's also the old outlaw presence within me, who thinks I'm better than normal people because I was a thief.

I think my soul more beautiful because of my crimes. I think there is a cosmic truth in evil, in taking from others, that weathers and tempers your soul when you commit evil. That it makes you stronger and better. I wouldn't want to have lived any other way, because I realized the truth in evil. Now I'm trying to be good as an intellectual exercise, as its the underdog, because evil is superior.

 

[Volsam]

lazydullard, I may be wrong, but it sounds like you may be confusing a spirit with an ego, a step in the journey of personal liberation/transformation through self-acceptance for the actual enlightenment.

Enlightenment suppose to include all the truths, one of which is that we are an inseparable One, no matter how you look at it and all we do is interconnected. Our thoughts and our speech is mostly a product of the society we were born to. I think that by hurting those around you, you inevitably hurting yourself at the same time, intensifying your own suffering. Masochists of certain kind would like that, I guess...

IMO Its plain egoistic and irresponsible to claim to achieve an enlightenment by taking from others and committing crimes.

But, I can see how you may be viewing yourself as a tool of some greater forces, (evil forces if you like) and accepting it provides you some form of relief for your identity (ever been diagnosed with borderline pd?..).

I myself used to think a lot that I might be an "evil force trooper" in this world and my purpose is to bring havoc and chaos (and I did, which brought up a lot of painful understanding), but during the self-induced psychotic out of the body experience I was literally forced to look in the face of God and that experience had changed me quite a lot. Subsequent DMT trips showed even more of that and had me really ponder the existence of karma and the purpose of suffering.

I think everything is very simple in our life and if each one of us would follow their true voice within, there won't be so much suffering and confusion in the world. We rely too much on others in making our own decisions, thus rerouting the responsibility we suppose to be having onto someone else.

 

[Xorkoth]

That's the thing. I became more and more elated and powerful feeling as I committed the crimes. I would be ecstatic when I stole something. That's why I believe my nature is evil.

You felt ecstatic from stealing because you experienced a rush of dopamine from getting away with something. I used to shoplift also, mostly in my case to feed my addiction at the time, or to get food because I was always dead broke, also because of said addiction. It was neither good nor evil, it was just something I chose to do because it helped me at the time. It's similar to how people get a rush from gambling and making money.

"Good" and "evil" are subjective, human concepts.

 

[lazydullard]

There must be an objective reality. You can cause enormous pain to another person. I take that as evidence of an objective reality. Sadism is transcendent, because it's objectively real.

 

[Xorkoth]

There is an objective reality, for sure. If someone gets hurt or killed, they're dead. You wake up every morning as the same person. There are factors that affect you that thinking about differently won't remove. But morality is in the eye of the beholder.

 

[lazydullard]

I reject that enlightenment is a transient rare peak experience. Enlightenment are aphorisms that increases satisfaction with your life. The most efficient route to gain these aphorisms is to undertake a quest of antisocial behavior to prove that nothing you do will cause you to hate yourself. It's simply the fastest way to experience unconditional love.

I have hurt everyone who hurt me. This is real, modulable unconditional love. There is nothing to interpret unlike meditative compassion.

Evil is a methodology of interaction. If you dole out reliable antisocial interactions, there is a transcendent component to them. Hurt is not an interpretation, else PTSD would not exist. Evil is a real experience that borders in most places antisocial behavior. To deny the stability of evil is to deny the soldier and the victim. Evil shapes identities, the very force that would argue subjectivist values.

A good action doesn't cause PTSD. An evil action can. A wound is the most objective experience there is. That's part of the secret why being evil teaches you so much about people, if you pay attention.