Stupid teenage love issues

[TONI BALONEY]

So there is a guy in my orchestra that I see every week and at concerts and gigs we do. We became friends pretty quickly and about a week ago he asked me out (after 3 months). So I said yes, thinking "Okay cool, I'm in a relationship." I guess I thought I liked him, but I'm questioning it now. I read about what love feels like, and it doesn't feel like much for me. The thing is, we talk a LOT on snapchat, but we live probably a hundred miles away. I want to have those feelings that people have in their guts and to have my heart racing, but I don't have it.

He's pretty sensitive, I fear. He has depression and I feel like if I call it off he will think I'm a huge jerk and will actually hurt himself. He's not one to threaten me with suicide. He is extremely polite and sincere, almost to the point where I feel bad about receiving a gift from him-- naturally, I do, because I feel this way. I know I need to call it off but I don't want to make him feel bad, but that's inevitable. I want to love him but I feel like a liar because I've said it already. I know I've made a mistake and I'm a jerk for lying but I don't know how to do this and obviously didn't know what I was doing earlier. My choices now are to call it off asap or keep pretending and hope I gain some feelings for him other than that of a friend. We have admitted it's awkward and being far away doesn't help and that it's more like a "good friends" relationship than a romantic one at the moment. I'm just hesitant.

 

[SamanthaB]

Hi Toni,

Well, a date or two does not mean you are "in a relationship." You did not say how he feels about that. If he has not said anything, then perhaps he feels the same way you do. Let's leave him out of the equation for a minute. People date to hopefully find "the one" someday. You are not obligated to be with anyone after a few dates or anytime after that for that matter. You just don't feel what you think you should be feeling about someone you want to have a relationship with and that is ok. When u talk with him again, I would just throw out something like, "I really like having you as a friend" when he says something interesting or witty. And, leave it at that. This will give him the message that you see him as a friend and nothing more, unless he is clueless, which is always possible. He may throw out the boyfriend/girlfriend card and you can say nicely that you like him as a friend, but because of the distance it will just not work as a relationship between the two of you. Since, you do not live near one another, it makes it much easier to not take this any further than you have already. I am assuming you have not had sex with him or maybe even kissed him. If you have not, it will also be much easier. Let us know how this works out.