Hi, this is a post I made but I don't know what form (if any) it belongs to or what to do about the whole situation. It has to do with Scapegoating and being treated like crap, so if you don't like this message, then ignore it.
From the research I have done, I am definitely the Scapegoat in my family. Anything I do wrong is scorned and will be brought up again and again, even years later, yet if someone does something to me and I bring it up, even if it's only a little while after it happened, I will be told how I was wrong and the person that hurt me didn't do anything wrong or didn't mean it, yet if I do what the person did to me it is my fault and I will be scolded for it/told off even if I didn't mean it. I will be accused of not letting things go and because I have social challenges due to a brain injury I had since birth (a cyst covers the entire right side of my brain; I'm not in a wheelchair and completed academic school successfully as well as graduated with a 96% average in an Office Administration program in college. I am looking for a job and will soon be returning to college to upgrade to Medical Office Administration so I can apply for a job within the Health Care System as I have been not having any luck finding a job so far) that is always a reason my mother uses, claiming that I always misunderstand things because of the cyst on my brain, that it impedes my understanding of social situations. That may be true, to an extent, but I have done enough research to know when I am right about a situation but no matter how much I defend myself and point out that I am right I am shut down and told that I am wrong. This is Scapegoating and I have come to accept it. I live with a Narcissistic Mother; she has all of the traits according to the research I have done; she claims that because she does a lot for me (which is true) I shouldn't be offended if she says something and asks me what would she have to gain by saying something hurtful to me (such as I cause grief because of past mistakes I made when I was younger or I am "too sensitive" if I defend myself in any way or disagree with her about ANYTHING). She always finds fault in me by bringing up mistakes or pointing out something that she claims I'm wrong about when I actually know I'm right about it! I learned to just go along with her and agree that yes, I'm wrong. I learned you can't win any arguments with her, I'm always wrong and if I say that I'm wrong about that too! She makes me feel anxious and I end up taking Clonazepam or Ativan when I have it to calm myself down, but she never knows that I take anything, that's the only way I can handle her. I rarely drink because I'm epileptic (and if and when I do drink, she doesn't know that I have done so) and she is a drinker, she once claimed that if I didn't bring so much stress into her life she wouldn't drink as much. She thinks that I have grown up and improved a lot; that's not true, the truth is I learned to just play along and agree with everything she says; when I defend myself she flips out and I will be told off, reprimanded, and told that I am wrong. I still defend myself sometimes and even though it's not in a mean way she will ALWAYS flip out and make me out to be the bad one; she will not take any responsibility for her actions.
If I had friends to move in with or the money, I would move out. Mom has money put away for me in a Savings Fund but I can't access it until I'm 60 years old and I hate being negative but I know I won't make much money in my job so it seems I am stuck living with her until one of us dies. I guess my "payment" for living with her is to be her punching bag or Scapegoat; last year I kept track of the number of days each month she made me a Scapegoat (I put a check mark on a Calendar I had on each date that this happened, it was a total of 106 days out of the year. I am doing the same this year and so far, I have spent 16 days being the Scapegoat). I am lucky that she is gone most weekends (she is seeing someone) but I notice that she will always treat me like crap at least the two days before she goes away; perhaps this is to make up for when she is gone, since she won?t be able to treat me like dirt for a few days because she is gone.
Does anyone else have this issue (someone will treat them like dirt just before one of them goes away for a period of time)? Like I said, if I had friends or the money, I would leave. I have social anxiety due to extreme bullying when I was younger and the treatment I receive from my mom doesn't help at all. Because of the social anxiety (and the fact that I have social challenges due to the brain injury I had since birth) I have difficulty socializing with people. If you have ever seen the movie Carrie or read the novel, my life is basically Carrie White's, the bullying is almost identical too, except I didn't freak out about having my period nor did I announce it to anyone.
Yes, my mom may be a support for me in a lot of ways, but does that give her a right to Scapegoat me every chance she gets? She seems to do this all of the time. I know if I did what she did to me, I would be scorned. Yet she is somehow always justified in the way she treats me.
She even dated a man who, at one point, drew a picture of me with my head cut off (she found it first and I then found it by accident when I was looking for something). She didn't break up with him when he did that; she claimed she couldn't prove it was him even though she said he did it in the first place since he wrote my name on the picture and some other things (he drew a picture of someone with their head cut off and a sword besides it! I am not good at drawing, I tried drawing the sword once but couldn't do it so I know I didn't do it; she tried to blame me for the drawing at one point but I showed that I didn't do it; why would I draw a picture of someone with their head cut off then write my name underneath it? The guy she was seeing didn't even spell my name right. And he also made fun of the things I liked, she heard him making fun of me (he would do it in front of her and say it loud enough for her to hear) but claimed that I never told her about it so she didn't know about it, so apparently it's my fault that she stayed with a man that made me feel like shit. Maybe it's just me, but if I was dating someone who drew a picture of my kid (and I don't have any kids) with their head cut off, I would break up with the person and I would not claim it's the kid's fault that I didn't break up with them nor would I say that the kid didn't come to me when they were upset with the person or that I never saw any evidence the person was mean when there was - such as the drawing and making fun of things the kid liked. She is no longer seeing the man but they didn't break up because of me. Yet it's my fault that I was miserable when she was with him. because apparently I didn't speak up. Once again, she is Scapegoating me. I think the reason she had me to begin with is so she could have her own personal punching bag/Scapegoat and she takes advantage of the fact that I have a brain injury by claiming because of that I misunderstand a lot of the social communication that happens between us; apparently I am wrong about anything that I may find offensive that she does or says since nothing she does or says is offensive! In other words, she's perfect even though she didn't say that to me.
People bullied me in school and the staff allowed it (even when they saw it) and mom never once did anything about it, yet she claimed that when I was in trouble she always defended me and would always be at the school because I was always in trouble. That wasn't true; yes there were things I did that were inappropriate but that wasn't very often, and it wasn't severe. I mentioned that a lot of the time I was in trouble I didn't do anything wrong; the bullies would either lie or there would be a misunderstanding. She won't listen to that. She mentions that I don't let things go if I bring something up yet she brings things up all the time, even things that happened eleven years ago! I guess there are different rules for Scapegoats. The scary part is I make a goat sound sometimes (she doesn't know this) when she is really making me a Scapegoat (I do this in private). I can replicate the sound perfectly! I guess that is a "talent" that a scapegoat can have!
I am so sick of being treated this way; today I did something I had not done since last year (May 2017 due to being treated like crap by someone who was supposed to be a "health professional" - I went looking for help at a Mental Health Hospital and instead of receiving the help I should have received, I was turned away - I bought alcohol; the last time I did that was 2012 due to stress. I deal with a lot of stress in my life but it has only been a few times that has caused me to consume alcohol - nobody was home then so nobody knew that I drank anything and nobody is home right now so nobody knows that I drank anything). I never had a drinking problem but stress like this has pushed me to drink. When I bought the alcohol today, like in 2017, I drank it all.
I am so sick of all of this; psychologists and psychiatrists won't see me on my own because I have a "brain injury" - they will only see me if my mother is present, even if I haven't mentioned her or displayed any "bad" behaviour (such as feeling upset)! They ask what medical issues I have and when I say I have a brain injury they shut me down and say that they will not see me unless someone (like my mom) is present. To me, that is prejudice and stereotyping. Not all people with brain injuries need someone there with them! I go almost everywhere by myself but if I seek help from a mental health professional, they don't want me to be by myself because of my "brain injury". I am so sick of this treatment and have attempted suicide several times, without anyone knowing. I am sick of this and if I express any feelings like this to my mother I will be yelled at; the problem is, I have nobody else I can express these feelings to either.
From the research I have done, I am definitely the Scapegoat in my family. Anything I do wrong is scorned and will be brought up again and again, even years later, yet if someone does something to me and I bring it up, even if it's only a little while after it happened, I will be told how I was wrong and the person that hurt me didn't do anything wrong or didn't mean it, yet if I do what the person did to me it is my fault and I will be scolded for it/told off even if I didn't mean it. I will be accused of not letting things go and because I have social challenges due to a brain injury I had since birth (a cyst covers the entire right side of my brain; I'm not in a wheelchair and completed academic school successfully as well as graduated with a 96% average in an Office Administration program in college. I am looking for a job and will soon be returning to college to upgrade to Medical Office Administration so I can apply for a job within the Health Care System as I have been not having any luck finding a job so far) that is always a reason my mother uses, claiming that I always misunderstand things because of the cyst on my brain, that it impedes my understanding of social situations. That may be true, to an extent, but I have done enough research to know when I am right about a situation but no matter how much I defend myself and point out that I am right I am shut down and told that I am wrong. This is Scapegoating and I have come to accept it. I live with a Narcissistic Mother; she has all of the traits according to the research I have done; she claims that because she does a lot for me (which is true) I shouldn't be offended if she says something and asks me what would she have to gain by saying something hurtful to me (such as I cause grief because of past mistakes I made when I was younger or I am "too sensitive" if I defend myself in any way or disagree with her about ANYTHING). She always finds fault in me by bringing up mistakes or pointing out something that she claims I'm wrong about when I actually know I'm right about it! I learned to just go along with her and agree that yes, I'm wrong. I learned you can't win any arguments with her, I'm always wrong and if I say that I'm wrong about that too! She makes me feel anxious and I end up taking Clonazepam or Ativan when I have it to calm myself down, but she never knows that I take anything, that's the only way I can handle her. I rarely drink because I'm epileptic (and if and when I do drink, she doesn't know that I have done so) and she is a drinker, she once claimed that if I didn't bring so much stress into her life she wouldn't drink as much. She thinks that I have grown up and improved a lot; that's not true, the truth is I learned to just play along and agree with everything she says; when I defend myself she flips out and I will be told off, reprimanded, and told that I am wrong. I still defend myself sometimes and even though it's not in a mean way she will ALWAYS flip out and make me out to be the bad one; she will not take any responsibility for her actions.
If I had friends to move in with or the money, I would move out. Mom has money put away for me in a Savings Fund but I can't access it until I'm 60 years old and I hate being negative but I know I won't make much money in my job so it seems I am stuck living with her until one of us dies. I guess my "payment" for living with her is to be her punching bag or Scapegoat; last year I kept track of the number of days each month she made me a Scapegoat (I put a check mark on a Calendar I had on each date that this happened, it was a total of 106 days out of the year. I am doing the same this year and so far, I have spent 16 days being the Scapegoat). I am lucky that she is gone most weekends (she is seeing someone) but I notice that she will always treat me like crap at least the two days before she goes away; perhaps this is to make up for when she is gone, since she won?t be able to treat me like dirt for a few days because she is gone.
Does anyone else have this issue (someone will treat them like dirt just before one of them goes away for a period of time)? Like I said, if I had friends or the money, I would leave. I have social anxiety due to extreme bullying when I was younger and the treatment I receive from my mom doesn't help at all. Because of the social anxiety (and the fact that I have social challenges due to the brain injury I had since birth) I have difficulty socializing with people. If you have ever seen the movie Carrie or read the novel, my life is basically Carrie White's, the bullying is almost identical too, except I didn't freak out about having my period nor did I announce it to anyone.
Yes, my mom may be a support for me in a lot of ways, but does that give her a right to Scapegoat me every chance she gets? She seems to do this all of the time. I know if I did what she did to me, I would be scorned. Yet she is somehow always justified in the way she treats me.
She even dated a man who, at one point, drew a picture of me with my head cut off (she found it first and I then found it by accident when I was looking for something). She didn't break up with him when he did that; she claimed she couldn't prove it was him even though she said he did it in the first place since he wrote my name on the picture and some other things (he drew a picture of someone with their head cut off and a sword besides it! I am not good at drawing, I tried drawing the sword once but couldn't do it so I know I didn't do it; she tried to blame me for the drawing at one point but I showed that I didn't do it; why would I draw a picture of someone with their head cut off then write my name underneath it? The guy she was seeing didn't even spell my name right. And he also made fun of the things I liked, she heard him making fun of me (he would do it in front of her and say it loud enough for her to hear) but claimed that I never told her about it so she didn't know about it, so apparently it's my fault that she stayed with a man that made me feel like shit. Maybe it's just me, but if I was dating someone who drew a picture of my kid (and I don't have any kids) with their head cut off, I would break up with the person and I would not claim it's the kid's fault that I didn't break up with them nor would I say that the kid didn't come to me when they were upset with the person or that I never saw any evidence the person was mean when there was - such as the drawing and making fun of things the kid liked. She is no longer seeing the man but they didn't break up because of me. Yet it's my fault that I was miserable when she was with him. because apparently I didn't speak up. Once again, she is Scapegoating me. I think the reason she had me to begin with is so she could have her own personal punching bag/Scapegoat and she takes advantage of the fact that I have a brain injury by claiming because of that I misunderstand a lot of the social communication that happens between us; apparently I am wrong about anything that I may find offensive that she does or says since nothing she does or says is offensive! In other words, she's perfect even though she didn't say that to me.
People bullied me in school and the staff allowed it (even when they saw it) and mom never once did anything about it, yet she claimed that when I was in trouble she always defended me and would always be at the school because I was always in trouble. That wasn't true; yes there were things I did that were inappropriate but that wasn't very often, and it wasn't severe. I mentioned that a lot of the time I was in trouble I didn't do anything wrong; the bullies would either lie or there would be a misunderstanding. She won't listen to that. She mentions that I don't let things go if I bring something up yet she brings things up all the time, even things that happened eleven years ago! I guess there are different rules for Scapegoats. The scary part is I make a goat sound sometimes (she doesn't know this) when she is really making me a Scapegoat (I do this in private). I can replicate the sound perfectly! I guess that is a "talent" that a scapegoat can have!
I am so sick of being treated this way; today I did something I had not done since last year (May 2017 due to being treated like crap by someone who was supposed to be a "health professional" - I went looking for help at a Mental Health Hospital and instead of receiving the help I should have received, I was turned away - I bought alcohol; the last time I did that was 2012 due to stress. I deal with a lot of stress in my life but it has only been a few times that has caused me to consume alcohol - nobody was home then so nobody knew that I drank anything and nobody is home right now so nobody knows that I drank anything). I never had a drinking problem but stress like this has pushed me to drink. When I bought the alcohol today, like in 2017, I drank it all.
I am so sick of all of this; psychologists and psychiatrists won't see me on my own because I have a "brain injury" - they will only see me if my mother is present, even if I haven't mentioned her or displayed any "bad" behaviour (such as feeling upset)! They ask what medical issues I have and when I say I have a brain injury they shut me down and say that they will not see me unless someone (like my mom) is present. To me, that is prejudice and stereotyping. Not all people with brain injuries need someone there with them! I go almost everywhere by myself but if I seek help from a mental health professional, they don't want me to be by myself because of my "brain injury". I am so sick of this treatment and have attempted suicide several times, without anyone knowing. I am sick of this and if I express any feelings like this to my mother I will be yelled at; the problem is, I have nobody else I can express these feelings to either.
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