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  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

EADD Heroin thread v.XXIV -- welcome back, PinkPapaver!

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Does anyone ever get clean & stay clean?
I'm so fucking sick of this shit & I swear I can never see myself being clean, I've tried so many times it's a joke but the moment I get cash I am off to go score & a lot of the time I am hitting up dealers to lay credit on me (that I do pay off though but it causes me to be short next pay day)
It's like a never ending circle I see no break from, everyone I know is a addict & not a real mate, we are "drug friends" & if I am honest "normal people" I cant relate to, I fucking HATE the beer on a Friday night crown, I am quite misanthropic & spent over 1/3rd of my life living a very unique way to how most folks live.

I swear to God I wanna kick this to the kerb but then what am I left with?.........to live like everyone else? fuck that.

God knows what I am gonna do, life sucks & most people do too.

Don't despair my friend! Many of us on BL have come out the other side - though no-one will say it was an easy journey. I myself have just completed 3 years free from methadone. It's about 8 years since I touched heroin and nearly a decade since I used a needle. You need to learn to loathe the stuff with a passion - and it sounds like you're on the right track. Are you on a script? If not then get one asap - either subutex or methadone. Phase out the gear and other downers. Taper slowly off your script and try not to fuck it up (you will, but that's par for the course - it ain't the end of the world). Little by little you'll chip away at your dependence until one day you'll suddenly realise you don't need it anymore. Life without opiates can seem pretty bleak at first, but it gets better with time - and let's face it, it's better than no life at all...

Go for it my son!!
 
As someone who has had a habit on and off - mostly on except for 88-92 when i was a pill head, I find I just don't like being 'straight' and have just got use to taking gear even though it causes more trouble in my life than without it. I have done c.t. too many times to remember, been in rehab for 3 months (scored a week out) and probably say every time I have a nice bag of gear thats it im going to knock it on the head - but i never do. I have a script and get vals on it as well so its not as if i face any horrors if i do stop it really is a habit.
But deep down I know my life would be better so much better if i did stop - but there is always an excuse to score, money to me is smack tokens i rarely buy anything else all my salary goes in a joint a/c which i dont have access to as the missis knows what im like but fortunately i do have a kind of trust that gives me a few 100 every month she didn't know about that for years but found out about a year ago - our relationship has been poisoned by gear and if wasn't for the kids we would have split years ago.
I don't know how long you have been using but it is possible to stop just hard, but like they say in N.A a day at a time (the only bit of sense that that organisation makes to me.
I remember when i went in to rehab the doc said at 31 I was a bit old for this malarky that was 25 years ago......
It can be done but you have to want it more than anything btw i know quite a few peeps who have tried ibogaine and failed , it's not the method you use but the strength of will to put it down and walk away- just for today.
 
I'm glad I don't need to buy the dealer's obscene prices for shit product and unreliable service. Don't even have a H dealer. But the likes of dihydrocodeine...a little demethylation action and some esterification...6-monoacetyldihydromorphine is amazing, I haven't yet tried 6-monopropionyldihydromorphine or the propionate diester version of dihydroheroin, but soon I shall get to taste the kiss of the sisters of morphia, heroin and prope. Plus first, what I guess you could call their half-sisters, for the monoacylated dihydromorphine esters :)

Obviously still not free, although I have a morphine+oxycodone script, but the yields are really high, almost quantitative from the demethylation process using 30% hydrogen bromide in anhydrous glacial acetic acid. HBr demethylates DHC to dihydromorphine and then catalyzes Fischer esterification of the selectively demethylated '6 position to give 6-monoacetyldihydromorphine. Then its exploited again to remove the GAA, by adding MeOH, and using the HBr traces to catalyze another Fischer esterification and form the easily distillable methyl acetate plus a little methyl bromide (gaseous, toxic, needs venting carefully)

I've had it once before, and fuck me if it hadn't the most intense rush of any opioid I've ever had. Admittedly it was mixed with memantine, but soon I'll be able to compare with and without. That rush though lasted about 3/4 hour for the IV flash alone, before the high itself came out to play. Even beats dipropionylmorphine. And thats saying something, I am, I daresay, somewhat of a connoisseur of opioids exotic and more well known, and thus far, 6-AcO-DHM is top bollock. Although I do expect that the 6-monopropionyl ester 'hemi-dihydropropionylheroin' will replace it. And I cannot say how desomorphine-D will fare against these, although its meant to be short but intense.

Just means that desomorphine has to go get itself into the ri(n)g and strap on it's gloves, to see precisely which opioid batters the living fucking jesus out of which. Beating 6-AcO-dihydromorphine is gonna take some doing. That was one fucking fuck of an opiate, I've never, ever felt anything like that intense in terms of euphoria before or since. Will establish a memantine-free baseline for the drug to remove interference from the latter, and also, the propionyl ester ought to be pretty superior, given the way that fr.ex heroin has a decent rush IV'ed, whilst dipropionylmorphine is an absolute fuckin' belter that won't let you forget it, much, much more potent, and also rather than the 6 hours or so of H, you get most of a day. If it were offered as an alternative to H in detox programs, those using heroin rather than methadone or bupe coud be far more stable, less peaks and troughs, and have a better drug to begin with.

Prope dope is the fucking bomb. And so is 6-monoacetyldihydromorphine. Never (yet) had dihydromorphine, although I will try it, cracking the ester off 6-monoacetyldihydromorphine, but to establish a baseline for IV, IM, intranasal and up the theresa may, so I expect that 6-monopropionyldihydromorphine is going to turn out to be something rather special. And also that the dipropionyl analog of dihydroheroin will be a winning ticket too, when it comes to the skag olympics. Street smack and/or fent or fenta-dope don't even get to run, they can only ever hope to sit in the crowd and watch, although fent cut gear would probably be told to uckfay offnay at the entry door
 
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I had a tl;dr reply for this thread that I ended up deleting as I'm a bit stoned and wish to save EADD from my pointless views just this once. Needless to say that the heroin is good this morning hence my intoxication and predilection for generating an essay in an echo chamber. Surprisingly good as the only hed that was prepared to drive out to me.. (here I go again so I'll just stop now)... mmmm... heroin =D :\ :|
 
Going to order myself some mitragynine methinks. Maybe a couple of other things too, and after I've finished watching star trek, get back to work. A little something I had going needs to be salvaged as a bromine synthesis instead of a production of hydrogen bromide, so means adding more sulfuric acid, and distilling, in order to reclaim the bromine. Oh well no harm done, had been meaning to prepare some bromine and bottle it up anyhow. Just means I'm going to need a bigger bottle that will come to no harm from Br2. Because there's probably going to end up being about a half liter of the stuff needing to be stored. And its a nasty, vicious little escape artist, corrosive, foul smelling and generally a noxious brown fuming pain in the behind. Useful though, even if the HBr I'm after will have to come via a different route (rxn of aq. HBr prepared with phosphoric acid with triphenylphosphine to form the triphenylphosphonium bromide, extraction into DCM, vacuum distillation to strip the dichlor after drying over Na2SO4 or MgSO4 and finally, addition of the desired quantity of triphenylphosphonium bromide to dry xylene, in a flask with a gas outlet tap connected to it, and a short condenser to return the xylene, and brought to reflux it decomposes, giving anhydrous HBr prepared from the azeotropic solution essentially on tap. )

So for now, watching star trek with my feet up, before starting to get to work. Don't need the Br2 atm, as such, so this is just clearup and recovery. I like to recycle.

Got a good few lines of oxy in me and a shot of morphia, some DXM earlier.
 
Bit worrying that Zopiclone Bandit hasn't checked in for several days considering the tone of his last post and his regular contributions prior to that don't you think? ZB, are you there??
 
Bit worrying that Zopiclone Bandit hasn't checked in for several days considering the tone of his last post and his regular contributions prior to that don't you think? ZB, are you there??

He's a big lad touch wood he's fine. Mores the point it's been 11 months and 5 days since OM went AWOL :(
 
Bit worrying that Zopiclone Bandit hasn't checked in for several days considering the tone of his last post and his regular contributions prior to that don't you think? ZB, are you there??

Thanks mate I just seen this & I will not lie I was actually touched.
I came really fucking close to doing something that would have been a mistake looking back.

Gimme a few mins & I will PM you as I don't wanna post it openly on here for people to mock me over & take the piss.
 
Good to see you back again mate. Glad you resisted the urge to do owt daft. Got your PM, will respond soon...
 
I've just been through a particularly brutal withdrawal experience, that actually required time off work. Partly my own fault, of course, for chugging through between 'teenth and an eighth a week for six months on the bounce, and not even having the foresight to fit in a tolerance break.

I'm now in that ultra-vulnerable second week; when the worst of the memories of the last week are beginning to fade, leaving me forgetting just how lousy a time I was really having and responsive to any real or imagined excuse to go and score.

But this morning, Jess appeared to me in a dream, just to reassure me of a point. Which I actually found kind of reassuring more generally.

If I can last this week, maybe I can last longer .....

I've no illusion of quitting for good, but I do need a few weeks off the gear. I'm still looking forward to my next suck on the old tinfoil nipple; just hoping it's a long way forward .....
 
You could try using DXM, as a withdrawal aid, it really helps cut out the worst of it, especially the overstimulation, akathisia/restlessness and inability to sleep. Good luck getting down on the skag BJ.
 
Auden's .

what are these? i have some that i erm, acquired, accidentally, maybe. ha.

i'm totally losing my shit craving anything like nobodies business and ready to do anything were i not stuck at my parents in the middle of nowhere. i thought i'd come back after 3 weeks clean-ish, getting the odd few bits in the post- ready to stop fucking my life up but now i'm a few days from going back i just want to binge binge binge.

i'm sorry if that question is against the rules. anyway now it looks like they're definitely recreational i guess i'll take them anyway but given i'll mix them with codeine, clonazepam, diazepam and zopiclone, if someone could at least tell me what family of drugs in that'd be useful cos i don't wanna OD.

edit: ah fuck. used the search function, looks like more clonazepam, was hoping for a less shitty opiate than codeine. two days til i can score and feels like fucking forever.
 
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I'm now in that ultra-vulnerable second week; when the worst of the memories of the last week are beginning to fade, leaving me forgetting just how lousy a time I was really having and responsive to any real or imagined excuse to go and score.

ditto. apart from 3rd, but only by separating myself from where i use. and my brains just lost its shit. good luck.

if you find a way to convince yourself not to, please tell me. not liking the inside of a cell didn't work, not liking withdrawals didn't work, not liking ruining my sisters 30th birthday, not liking having pissed away 30k in 6 months and having nothing but debt didn't work, not liking being on the precipice of losing my job and home is not working. daily NA meetings not worked so far. i hope you find something that does work to get your use reined in a bit.

light is more of a problem for me now than dark but i'll get a dark habit anyway cos in my head there's no point not having one when i'm pending. >200 on light per day anyway.
 
What comes closest to working for me, is putting off scoring for another day, and another day, and so on, and so forth .....

I have to make a trek to the next town to pick up, and it's not worth my while buying less than a gram at a time. That soon accelerated to an eighth a fortnight, which is unsustainable.

I suppose I should really have got some co-codamol in, so I could do a CWE if I got really desperate. But I'm over the worst already. Plan now is just to do all the jobs I was too stoned to do in the past 6 months; after which, I'm promising myself, I'll go sliding back down the old rainbow into the waiting arms of my dealer, score a massive baggie and enjoy the living daylights out of it.
 
ha thats how i stop myself killing myself. but i promise to get through another week, not day. feel like that right now but promised myself i'll wait til i actually lose my job and my home first, which feels like an inevitability. really wish i'd just stuck to the gear, i'd never be in this situation, but i self medicated for post viral fatigue with light cos it was easy given i had a dark habit anyway. did some of the best work i've ever done as a result... so it got me. and now i can't really do anything apart from act out on addiction.

you're lucky. i have at least 3 dealers within a 2 min walk of my house.

it always will accelerate if you don't take effort to put the brakes on.... glad you're over the worse. enjoy when you do score. sounds like you've been doing this for years and can roughly control it. well done. i was like that til i added w and am jealous as hell of you.
 
I guess I am just extremely lucky, in that freebase cocaine really doesn't do anything enjoyable for me. Stinks of burning plastic (though that possibly was due to my mates' dodgy pipe construction techniques) and very occasionally results in a short but blinding headache. Like standing up suddenly under a cupboard, only more expensive .....

And you're right, I've been on and off the gear for several years now. I used to have it under pretty much perfect control until the first time I used it for actual pain. Not sure if that's significant, though .....
 
it didn't to me til the post viral fatigue and it facilitating the best work i've ever done. even now, most of the time i don't enjoy it, its just smoking it is the only way to think because its comprehensively taken over my brain.

so all the people on this thread who pick up a few light every so often with your dark. fucking stop it!!! i'd swap my old gear habit for what i have now, hellish though i thought it was, any fucking day of the week.
 
Mate, I spent hours trying to get a dig with that stuff. Most of my decent veins had disappeared anyway, then coupled with that gear solidifying in the pin and my blood congealing at the same time - it was a fuckin nightmare. I used to reheat and backfill so many times it was untrue...

I don't usually post in this thread but this reminds me of a very specific day...

Gear we'd be getting had been pretty decent for a while so when the fella dropped off an amount very shortly to be described as "more than any single user could possibly require to have in their possession" I/we had at it... only couldn't... then couldn't some more... and some more... then...

Phone calls were had... Promises were made... Then doors were kicked in. Sadly, in this particular happenstance, my doors. By several fellas in black stab vests and riot gear (they really do go in for overkill now don't they :|).

Anyways, I couldn't swear to what the fella eventually said way down the line in interviews weeks later... but when he reeled off a list of constituents then called "That's fukkin' Bisto, mate" I didn't then nor would now call him a liar.

Hitting arteries... I hit what I believe was a nerve with heroin 6 weeks ago. Fire flared from my elbow to the tips of my finger; I came out in hives. My fingers turned red and swelled, turned hot, the hives became red and pronounced, I was shit scared.

That was hitting an artery. Trust me, I've not only seen it and done it a gazillion times I actually used to "have" to do it deliberately (into several fingers and a thumb or two amongst other places). Go slow - very, very, very slow - and is doable - just - if desperate enough. Will always swell up like a mofo and hurt like a bitch though. And, quite seriously, put life and limb at risk.

In all honesty, I'd avoid arterial shots given the option.

True story.

:\
 
Hitting a nerve ,you'll know about it. It isn't something you could do and then push the plunger of a rig, its a sudden, intense, electric shock-like pain, the sort of high-priority message meaning 'STOP THIS', chances are you'd have pulled the rig out on reflex anyway.
 
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