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Questions.

Mommadukes

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 23, 2018
Messages
4
Hi I am new to the group. I have some questions. First I'll give a quick intro. I was with my boyfriend for 9 years. We were a very in love couple. He started using meth 6 months ago and it has completely destroyed me. I have never done drugs, but I am a nurse so I understand addiction. This is not my first go-around with him and drug use but this is the second time he has gotten on Meth and this is the worst he has ever been. I have kicked him out of our house. He is 39 and I am 43. He almost immediately started dating a 24 year old meth addict and they moved in together. I'm so hurt by all of this. How do I move on? He has kept in contact with me and tells me that he still loves me and he in my opinion is trying the back and forth thing but I am not having it. I let him come back one time even after all of this because he said he wanted to go to rehab only for him to start running the streets again and I immediately kicked him back out and will not put up with it. I've never been this hurt in my life. Even in the past when I kicked him out he never started dating anyone or anything like that. I was completely in shock and devastated by all of this. We have been broken up over 2 months and I still cry every day. It's like I don't even know him anymore. That sweet loving man is gone. How do I get over this? It is like he took all of that attention that he used to give to me and threw it right into this girl and this lifestyle and these drugs and. Deeply hurt me even though I don't require a lot of attention. I don't understand why I'm struggling so much.
 
Hi Momma and welcome to Bluelight! I'm sorry to see you're hurting. Do you think you may have been incompatible before his drug use was an issue? I ask this because you said you've thrown your boyfriend out in the past. The girl may have been in the picture before he actually moved out. There is no easy way to move on in my experience. The only thing that helped me is time and no contact at all.

I would suggest an organization like Al-Anon where you can talk with other people who are going through the same. Talk therapy would be good as well so you can get to the root of why you keep letting this guy back into your life. Whether you've been together for two years or twenty, it's still an investment of your emotions. It's going to hurt because even if he does go through rehab and get sober, there are no guarantees it won't happen again.
 
Yes we've always had issues. He was very jealous and immature. She wasn't in the picture before, but that still doesn't make it hurt any less. Thank you for your time. He didn't work, and was always stuck up my butt, which I told him wasn't healthy. This drug has completely changed him.
 
he's bad news

good luck to him

at this age he should know better than to keep going down this road

you need to cut him out and find someone you can trust who has a job and isn't a drug using parasite

of course it will hurt but if you were looking in at this what advice would you give "yourself"
 
I would tell myself that I'm worth more. I have. I am. I'm still just in shock. I'm so ashamed of myself but at the same time I'm proud because I know that it's over for me.
 
Hello,

Though this situation will seems like it's irreparable,it is. Just remember that.

First of all, I'm not going to say fuck him or he's an asshole or anything like that because it is literally useless if not counterproductive.

My only advice is, what makes you happy ASIDE from him pre meth use? Kids, exercise, friends, animals, art, music ECT ECT? Whatever it is, do that. Take this time to focus on yourself.

Buuuut, especially if there are children in the mix and you still love and care for him, take every opportunity to help/support/be there for him presented to you. Because if there is a chance for him to rid himself of this habit and his sober self still loves you then your influence on the wellbeing of him can have a drastic impact on his recovery.

The only tricky part is not enabeling him. Make sure he knows he can't talk, met or see you if her still using (assuming he might call you once his sex fling goes away) but also making sure he knows you still care a love him.

Now, you talked about his side chick and that hurting you. She is completely irrelevant. He's not using her to get back at you or to hurt you. Simply put, when on meth you are incredibly hypersexual. So I'm assuming his relations with her are just that, someone who's okay with doing meth and is equally hypersexual. Just try to remember it isn't a personal blow towards you and your boyfriend/husband is the same man you know and love, it's the meth that makes him, for lack of a better word, seem to not give a fuck.

Focus on you and finding things, other than him, that truly make you happy. Do those, be strong even if you feel like you may be losing it, and handle any other situations as they come because your happiness, not his or hers or anyone else's, comes before yours.

Hope something/ anything I said helps. :)
 
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