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Is it normal to want sex a lot?

A

AlwaysRight

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 23, 2018
Messages
3
Hello,

Right so I?ve been with my partner for just over 3 years, sex has always been a bit of a ?taboo? with us. I am very sexually active and would happily do it everyday (although let?s make this clear I do not expect that!), my partner on the other hand very rarely wants sex. She has told me numerous times it is nothing to do with performance etc. She doesn?t doesn?t crave it like I do.

This is obviously putting pressure on our relationship, it?s got to the point where I no longer wish to try it on with her out of fear of rejection... which happens 9 times out of 10. I 100% trust her - I know she isn?t getting it elsewhere she does never wants it.

The problem is now she has started using it as a weapon against me, so if we have an argument or have a disagreement and I were to make a move later on that day/night she will tell me ?no, you?re not having sex after we have argued? or something along hem lines.

I will pleasure myself most times now just avoid disappointment and rejection which she then says I shouldn?t be doing that as it?s disgusting....

Has anyone else been in this situation? Have any tips to share? Or am I just wrong for wanting sex a lot of the time...
 
Course your not wrong for wanting to have sex with your girlfriend .
Has she suffered any sexual abuse as a child maybe?
 
After 30 yrs of putting up with this same subject as married couple, Move On to someone else! Trust me, It Will Not Get Better!!! :X
 
pofacedhoe said:
mismatched sex drive is not something that will ever change.

either accept your sexless fate or move on
Click to expand...

Well its not completely sexless to be fair. And the only thing that would make me say move on is the way she is holding it against the OP. People can change psychologically or emotionally or hell even biologically that can make sex more desirable. Idk what the best answer is but surely open communication or some therapy is worth a shot. I kind of equate what you say pofacehoe to us simply telling someone to not take drugs as the only form of HR. There may be a time and a place for it, but not without knowing more info.

But again, her weaponization of holding back sex is a major problem. Think you need to tackle that first or consider other options in a mate.
 
my point is that there will always be a sex deficit in this scenario. he's never gonna be satisfied with whats on offer

after 3 years is it going to get any better? if not why bother
 
Thank you for the replies.

My girlfriend hasn?t suffered any sexual abuse.

The weaponising sex has started happening in the last 6 months, this maybe because I have tried talking to her regarding our sex life (or lack of) lately, she says work is stressing her out (recent promotion more stress) but then or sex life has never been as frequent as I would like... when I say that I don?t mean that I want sex every day, but as it stands we are lucky to have sex once a month! I?m 29 not 50...

I have tried talking to her and explaining how I feel, we always come to the same conclusion of we will try and do it more often, this never happens, it just means we?ll have sex within 48 hours of having that conversation then back to no sex for a month. Maybe I should force this conversation every week...

Thank you again for the replies.
 
Last edited:
In a very similar boat here. I knew it going in. We have increased her climaxes 100% but she has no drive. She wants very routine with all lights off. I want adventure lights on. It is very difficult for me as my imagination runs wild
 
I think there is NO SUCH thing as to much sex! Pleasure is a great thing and when you have that in your life ,you never can have to much!!
 
once a month if it is all you have ever gotten is probably all you will ever get within this situation

is there a big difference between you two financially/ looks wise?

who pays for everything?
 
What do you want in a relationship? Think about what you personally demand and what you will put up with and if the relationship is serving your interests in the long run.

With that said woo her be romantic. Make out with her more. For 30 mins. Then leave and go watch TV. If she doesn't jump you then there's something wrong with her and you should definitely find someone else who loves sex as much as you do.
 
In my current relationship we have sex daily or even few times a day and it has been going on ten months now and it hasn?t been decreasing as the time goes by.

Also few of the best sessions we have had have been after some really loud arguments and I guess our neighbours think arguing has to be a foreplay for us as it will most likely end up into us tearing our clothes apart and having very passionate sex.

Weaponising sex sounds something really disgusting for me as it makes it sound like she is a whore but instead of cash she receives her payment as your obedience.

Due my sex drive I wouldn?t want to be in a relationship in which I couldn?t satisfy my needs although I am satisfying her needs. It just doesn?t make sense.

Also from prior experiences women who don?t like to have sex ?often? also don?t have as passionate attitude towards sex meaning they don?t like to have some discomfort when satisfying their partners so you won?t be getting deep throating and such and some even don?t like to give head at all.

Have I generalized enough?
 
Financially we both earn roughly the same, I earn a little more. Looks wise, we have both never struggled to find partners, I would say we are both similar in the looks department.

The sex department is totally different. I think you make some interesting points MrRoot... when we talk about sex I am totally open to anything yet she is very ?vanilla? if that makes sense. The weaponising of sex does anger/upset me, not sure how to feel when this gets brought up to be honest.

She keeps saying she is overweight and depressed and is now finally seeking help from the doctors, which I am very happy about that she is taking the right steps and I will stand by her through it. But in a very selfish way I know if/when she starts feeling better our sex life will always be stale and basic... I love almost everything about her, just not the physical side of our relationship to the point where I?ve almost considered other options but I really don?t want to hurt her if she ever found out.

Jgrimez - there have been times where I have tried to be a soppy romantic, I have tried different things to woo her, I?ve even tried telling her straight how I feel, but nothing really seems to work and because she is now seeing a doctor I don?t expect any changes to happen anytime soon.

Thanks again for the replies.
 
Ive been in this situation several times in my life (now 56) & no, you are not wrong to have a healthy libido. Long story short, about 3 years ago I met my current girlfriend who has a libido which is at least the equal of mine! And everything fell into place which means, for the first time in my life, I'm sexually satisfied. That & the fact that she's very sweet & caring means she's a keeper...
Mismatched libidos are always going to be a source of contention in my opinion!
 
It's normal. Unless you want it so often that you think about nothing else and it interferes with your life, just about any frequency of wanting sex is 'normal' because people have wildly differing libidos. But relationships tend not to work out long-term if your partner is at the opposite end of that spectrum. You're going to feel deprived and she's going to feel pressured. You need to be sexually compatible.
 
I've dated guys like your GF and I dump them pretty quickly. When they weaponize sex against me in order to get leverage in the relationship, like when they withhold intimacy until they get their way, or they complain about my very normal sex drive, those are huge red flags telling me that they have issues. Either mental ones or physical ones or both.

I only did the blue balls thing in a relationship one time and I vowed I would never do it again. Sex is normal and healthy and if your partner tries to shame you for wanting to have it then they are actually the one with the problem.
 
I think about sex often but I don't really act on it anymore I think the fantasy is more productive than the action a lot of times. Safer that way. I can't hurt someone's feelings I can't get to attached there's no STDs.

Like I'll flirt with people all day but when it comes down to doing the nasty I'll pass I have a partner there's plenty of sex. I'm not missing out on anything I haven't already experienced
 
As others have said, mismatched sex drives is a recipe for disaster. You need someone who can keep up with you. I personally have an extremely high sex drive and I’m lucky I found someone who wants it as much as me
 
AlwaysRight said:
Hello,

Right so I?ve been with my partner for just over 3 years, sex has always been a bit of a ?taboo? with us. I am very sexually active and would happily do it everyday (although let?s make this clear I do not expect that!), my partner on the other hand very rarely wants sex. She has told me numerous times it is nothing to do with performance etc. She doesn?t doesn?t crave it like I do.

This is obviously putting pressure on our relationship, it?s got to the point where I no longer wish to try it on with her out of fear of rejection... which happens 9 times out of 10. I 100% trust her - I know she isn?t getting it elsewhere she does never wants it.

The problem is now she has started using it as a weapon against me, so if we have an argument or have a disagreement and I were to make a move later on that day/night she will tell me ?no, you?re not having sex after we have argued? or something along hem lines.

I will pleasure myself most times now just avoid disappointment and rejection which she then says I shouldn?t be doing that as it?s disgusting....

Has anyone else been in this situation? Have any tips to share? Or am I just wrong for wanting sex a lot of the time...
Click to expand...
My relationship is similar except I'm the one who doesn't want sex hardly. We wet over 8 years together with me always wanting sex and getting shot down, then he found drugs and became horny but still didn't have traditional sex. He likes to receive and quite frankly I don't have that body part, without buying it and then wearing it. He wants me to sleep with others so I can get pleasure but he sleeps with some too, men. We play together but it's just touch, not intercourse with me. I don't want anyone else so it's hard to get turned on. He doesn't understand my mental aspect of it bc to him sex is just sex. To me it's more than that. I love him with every ounce of my soul and thinking deep down that perhaps he just doesn't want me, and this whole thing is a cover up bc of our years together he loves me too I don't feel sexy, and it makes me sad bc I'm not enough to please him, not ONLY me. I'm so tired of hearing about sex in my/our relationship that I think this has soured me unfortunately. I do sleep with others in front of him but it's just an act and not a very enjoyable one most times. To me it's like watching a TV show that used to be good except I'm waiting for something to happen to help change my mind and feel better about things.

The pressure of performing so often really gets me down, I just wish he would be more patient with me.

So long story short, mental can be very powerful. Hopefully your lady is just stressed and exhausted. I hope she opens up to you to tell you what she needs to get that back and I hope you remain patient enough with her through it, that it all works out for you both.
 
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