Will I regret this

[cyberius]

Being around other people is like nails on a chalkboard nowadays. I'm at a point with speed usage where I kinda feel like I'm the only person that actually exists. Would I regret using my 20's to just isolate myself and work on my art.. Just take a very long break from caring about anything but myself? The pressures of other people have gotten way too great and I can barely function. I want to love and be loved, have friends, but I'm pretty far gone and I just want to be completely away from everybody and everything. I'm watching my mind deteriorate sorry if this isnt so clear

 

[pofacedhoe]

its very clear

you are at the point of speed use where you want to be around people but when you are around them you want to be away from them. its like a horrible contradiction type mega dissonance

this is deep addiction cos its a sign that your mind is out of sorts- you got the mega ego thing too where only you are real so you sound mildly ego psychosis



i would say the problem here is speed not people

but coming off speed is brutal and takes a long time to recover to normal though its very possible just hard (in the end its worth it because you will know what relaxation and sanity are once more)

 

[zephyr]

Being around other people is like nails on a chalkboard nowadays. I'm at a point with speed usage where I kinda feel like I'm the only person that actually exists. Would I regret using my 20's to just isolate myself and work on my art.. Just take a very long break from caring about anything but myself? The pressures of other people have gotten way too great and I can barely function. I want to love and be loved, have friends, but I'm pretty far gone and I just want to be completely away from everybody and everything. I'm watching my mind deteriorate sorry if this isnt so clear

Hi mate

Im sorry you are having a hard time and pretty much relate to what you are saying.


That dissassociation effect that happens is not unusual and its hard to tell you exactly how to deal with it as you do have to spend some time without the pressure of other people weighing on you.

Drug related issues are hard to discuss if you are feeling like people are judging you .

If you are wanting someone to talk to who has been there a few times shoot me a pm .

Everythings going to be okay mate. Lifes got ups and downs but the general trend is upwards.


Some time with peace and quiet and no one bothering you is really helpful. I would guess you would know what meds can help reset your thoughts .

 

[bomber]

Been there. The problem is that the long break is not something you can easily get out of. Wake up-let's look for pleasure-sleep again-repeat.More and more you feel like you are finaly OK with your self.It's cool I know. But after a while pleasure starts feeling less pleasurefull, while more and more you despise social interactions. You forget how it feels to MUST do something.
BUT... both you and your habbits are expencive things to feed.Luck of the draw and freebies from life just end at some point. You need social interactions to preserve your self. Work, propably with people you don't like etc. BUT YOU FORGOT HOW YOU DO THAT. You are used in only doing things you like to do. You loved that you didn't care what others thought of you. But now the opinions of others is much affecting you. And now... you figure out you are not as ok with your self as you thought. YOU DON'T TRUST YOUR SELF TO GO OUT THERE and be liked from other people. You start hating your self. And and and... You see where it's going don't you.
To be clear, that's what happened to me when I starting developing a way of thinking like yours and took me way to much effort to snap out of it and still haven't fully recovered yet. JUST BE CAREFULL TO NOT MAKE THIS ONE YOUR STORY.

 

[swilow]

Being around other people is like nails on a chalkboard nowadays. I'm at a point with speed usage where I kinda feel like I'm the only person that actually exists. Would I regret using my 20's to just isolate myself and work on my art.. Just take a very long break from caring about anything but myself?

I think that yes, you might regret this. But, there isn't much point in living under the shadow of what we might regret. Its a given that any human life accumulates unanticipated regrets and disappointments without us even really worrying about it. My main advice would be to live in a way that feels right for you right now, but keep an eye to the future which comes around before you even know it. And suddenly you're a grown up

 

[JahSEEuS]

I think that you should make some effort for social situations. It is important to keep some things in tact, and is very easy to fall into depression and hopelessness when one does not interact with others. The longer you stay isolated, the easier it is to stay there.

I do know an old acquaintance that cut pretty much all ties to his friends and social circles when he was freshly graduated. Here is his website

http://www.biondoart.com/