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Recovery The Hard Road

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ClearFreedom

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Joined
Jan 13, 2018
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29
Day 11 has started for me and I'm still unable to sleep so I took 2mg of diazepam. My mood is one of despair now as life is hard and I'm in physical pain. I was on low dose OxyContin for 6 plus years and stopped CT. Day 2-5 was the worst :(

I'm having a lot of pain associated with my failed spinal fusion resulting in permanent nerve damage. I hope things improve because I wouldn't want to be in this amount of pain the rest of my life. Also I'm mad at myself for taking diazepam but I don't feel well. I went to the pain clinic today to hear there's no magic pill........yeah I already know this.

I'm trying to function during the day with appointments without enough sleep and it's not going well.

I feel like I'm in Hell!!!!!!!!!

Being present in the moment and turning down the deafening pain volume just isn't working.

The depression is crippling. I did just get that book, "The Noonday Demon" by Andrew Solomon but my brain fog is so thick at the moment I'm unable to concentrate on reading.

I hope things improve because I'm not in a good place right now.................:(
 
Start of day 12:
Getting a few hours of sleep in the afternoon but way off schedule. I want to sleep at night and try so hard but it's not going well. By the afternoon I drop in exhaustion and sleep a few hours.
Taking gabapentin 200mg, Prozac 40mg, advil pm/advil as needed plus vitamins--multi, D, C, trying to eat well, premier protein shakes. Diazapam on day 2,4,8,10
 
Take whatever you need to get through this initial period of withdrawal if that includes a benzo it's no big deal. What your trying to do is very difficult
 
cj said:
Take whatever you need to get through this initial period of withdrawal if that includes a benzo it's no big deal. What your trying to do is very difficult
Click to expand...
Thanks for saying taking a benzo is no big deal. I have no one who knows about the withdrawal process to talk with and it's so hard.
 
It's been two weeks and today I'm missing the Oxycontin that helps with pain and my mood. 8( Withdrawal.......It's the "gift" that keeps giving!!!!!!!!!
 
Hey ClearFreedom - it gets better. It feels like a bit of a roller coaster that keeps getting closer to the end of the ride but occasionally takes you on a dip that almost makes you puke - IME. The dips just start coming farther and farther apart. You can do this.

Have you talked to your doc about the pain? Do you have a plan for dealing with it? I had planned on having a nerve stimulator implanted if my pain w/out meds wasn't bearable. So far, though, my pain level is really not much higher than with the med.

You are doing great. Congratulations!
 
Melhell said:
Hey ClearFreedom - it gets better. It feels like a bit of a roller coaster that keeps getting closer to the end of the ride but occasionally takes you on a dip that almost makes you puke - IME. The dips just start coming farther and farther apart. You can do this.

Have you talked to your doc about the pain? Do you have a plan for dealing with it? I had planned on having a nerve stimulator implanted if my pain w/out meds wasn't bearable. So far, though, my pain level is really not much higher than with the med.

You are doing great. Congratulations!
Click to expand...

TY for the support----

I did look into having an implanted simulator a few years ago but decided against it. I spoke with a disabled Vet who had one implanted and every time he crossed his legs or moved in a certain way he would get an unpleasant zap, Ouch!! The only pain plan I have is physical therapy and clean living by food choices including vitamins. My schedule is so off I haven't made any P.T. appointments yet. I did do P.T. for years including pool therapy and it only helps somewhat. Best news was I slept from 6:00 to 2:00 am without using any benzos for the sleep. Yesterday I went grocery shopping and thought I was in the twilight zone. I don't feel normal, whatever normal is anyway. I've starting eating a lot of food for some comfort which is not good, :\ Yes, I'm a comfort/emotional eater. I made it two weeks and I hope to feel better after the first month. We shall see...............
 
day 19 and feeling better with the help of comfort drugs. I also applied for my marijuana medical card through the dept. of health.
I still need to work hard on getting enough sleep
 
Recommend getting to bed earlier and just relaxing, eyes closed. Don't put so much pressure on sleeping and maybe put on some violin music while you just space out for a bit
 
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