Long term addiction

[Jcc7220]

My first thread but a True concern
Ok so I was injecting heroin for 2 years, then went on methadone and started injecting cocaine daily for about 3 years... I?ve been clean for a year and been thinking about my health a lot, it?s truly been keeping me up at night. I have slight discomfort in my chest so I?m thinking maybe I have clogged arteries. I have been getting headaches my sinuses are messed up my eyes and ears hurt, my skin on my arms is starting to clear up I brokeout big time on my arms(almost like all the dirty shit I injected was being pushed out through the skin) Oh and of course I?ve been smoking cigarettes since I was 14 and was an alcoholic teenager that took more exstacy then the skiddles taste the rainbow commercials befor the IV addiction.
I have been lifting wieghts for a year now and lost a ton of fat and have come a long way but I guess someones life experiences would help ease my mind,
I?m starting to come off methadone now and I honestly can?t get off fast enough,. Just want to feel like me again

 

[JBrandon]

I think that body anxiety is totally normal in recovery. I think you'll find that you're so much more resilient than you ever imagined. Keep hitting the gym and see.

 

[Jcc7220]

Thank you for replying. I keep thinking about blood flow through my arms because of the abuse to my veins. And this discomfort I have in my chest which I?m hoping is in my head because I don?t get winded or loose my breath or anything that would suggest heart damage.
I think about all those injections all that cocaine going through my heart and I think wow I was so stupid

 

[Escape Fantasy]

Yeah, you're body is repairing from the damage you've done.

Drugs are more than just drugs, they are life-destroyers.

 

[Jabberwocky]

^lots of things can be "life-destroyers" Escape, like certain kinds of love, not to mention any kind of harmful overwhelming involvement (so whether it's food, drugs, sex, work, religion, media, social media, whatever, they can all be life destroying - drug use actually isn't really that special even if our culture tends to make the consequences of using [certain drugs] as dramatic and damaging as possible).

Drugs are a lot like poison in only one sense - used in certain contexts they can kill someone, but used in others and they can heal someone too.

My first thread but a True concern
Ok so I was injecting heroin for 2 years, then went on methadone and started injecting cocaine daily for about 3 years... I?ve been clean for a year and been thinking about my health a lot, it?s truly been keeping me up at night. I have slight discomfort in my chest so I?m thinking maybe I have clogged arteries. I have been getting headaches my sinuses are messed up my eyes and ears hurt, my skin on my arms is starting to clear up I brokeout big time on my arms(almost like all the dirty shit I injected was being pushed out through the skin) Oh and of course I?ve been smoking cigarettes since I was 14 and was an alcoholic teenager that took more exstacy then the skiddles taste the rainbow commercials befor the IV addiction.
I have been lifting wieghts for a year now and lost a ton of fat and have come a long way but I guess someones life experiences would help ease my mind,
I?m starting to come off methadone now and I honestly can?t get off fast enough,. Just want to feel like me again

OP, please try not to rush off methadone too fast. What dose are you on these days and what does you taper look like?

That is awesome you are working out and physically sound pretty healthy. Do you have a doctor you see?

It would be a good idea to get a physical if you're concerned about your health, especially if you haven't had one in a while. Stuff like getting things organized with doctors, therapists and supportive communities (whether recovery related or not) is really important to do in terms of setting you up for success when you eventually come off the methadone completely.

Remember, with the methadone (and addiction and recovery and life more generally), this is a marathon not a sprint. The slow and steady win this race. It actually got really nice once I figured that out - it took a LOT of pressure off of myself to be perfect and shit.

 

[Escape Fantasy]

Drugs destroy relationships, suppress appetite, turns you into a possible sex-offender, no work, no job, stops you from going to church, makes you post and act like a weirdo on social media, etc.

This is why they are life-destroyers. People just like to protect their drugs, denying it is the root-cause of their problem.

 

[Monsterhighness]

You are fine. That shit happens to everyone that uses long term. Go to the dr and get a physical if ur worried. Good luck.

 

[smokeymcpot42088]

Escape Fantasy.

That is a very one dimensional attitude. Drugs have never done any of those things to me after too many years of use. Catholic, BA (not glamorous), fit, no work and no job are the same thing *insert insult here. eh have to be a little more careful with social media for obvious reasons.

I would argue that: You share the same attitude about drugs as .gov and most citizens; said attitude is the root cause of the drug use problem. but I will digress here because launching a pro drug argument in sober living isn't cool.

OP, as long as you have been checked for hep aids all that fun stuff that comes with IV'ing than I would be willing to bet your on the road to recovery and health. altho currently you are at risk for being a sex offender.... ya know how methadone makes ya rapey. (A better argument would have been decreased sex drive for future verbal battering)

as far as methadone, no one gets off it as fast as they want, I don't think. There are UBER TAPERING threads on blue light if you are looking for a comfortable taper schedule. Which IMO you should be, rushing could lead to relapse. And yea see a GP if you are concerned, it should get ya sleeping better if nothing else.

 

[Jabberwocky]

as far as methadone, no one gets off it as fast as they want, I don't think. There are UBER TAPERING threads on blue light if you are looking for a comfortable taper schedule. Which IMO you should be, rushing could lead to relapse. And yea see a GP if you are concerned, it should get ya sleeping better if nothing else.

+1 I've heard of some people coming off shorter term 1-6 month long methadone programs, but I've never heard of someone getting off methadone quickly and it being successful long term.

Only people I really hear about coming off methadone quick who don't end up relapsing or struggling in some serious way are those who physically cannot get their drugs (like they're forced to detox cold turkey in jail and go through hell; and of course incarceration is no guarantee one can't get drugs).

Think of it like investing in recovery. The more time, effort and resourced one devotes to their recovery today, the more they will benefit down the road. That kind of investment takes time. How much time it's impossible to say, but generally people have a good idea if they're going too fast (as in it gets uncomfortable).

If someone looks at their history of drug use, it doesn't make much sense to think coming off methadone quickly will work well. I think I spent 150-300% more time and energy coming off methadone than I did stabilizing on it. I've spent infinitely more time and energy devoting myself to recovery compared to what I did to get drugs. The difference is that making progress in recovery feels amazing, whereas digging myself deepening into addiction was soul crushing.

It took a while (I was on methadone for 2.5 years, took me about 1.5 of that time to come off comfortably), but taking my time coming off was so worth it. Gave me the time I needed to organize some semblance of long term recovery program for myself (in other words, to locate people and principles I could rely on to sustain continued forward momentum and personal growth).

Whenever someone is struggling with the mundane quality of tapering, I try to encourage them to recognize that mundane is a lot of what recovery is about - the little things, the small steps, putting one foot after the other over and over again. Recovery can be exciting, but I'd also hope it involved less drama than addiction.

Whenever I find myself bored or feeling like I'm stagnating with my recovery, whether it was when I was tapering and coming off methadone or where I find myself today, there is always something else I can be doing with my time to continue orienting towards the long term success I so desire (and deserve - that anyone deserves).

With time recovery does get easier. With practice it comes more naturally.