Partyboy888
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2018
- Messages
- 1
Hey everybody,
Ive been reading blogs and peoples journeys on this site for many years. Its really helped me out in dealing with my addiction. Hearing what others have done to try to help themselves get out of some of the dark places they have been in. Ive been in many dark places myself over the years, but I now see some light at the end of the tunnel, but only because I have had to change my mind set, as Im getting very ill and the realisation of the permanent damage I have done to my health is now very apparent.
Ive always used and abused drugs from a very early age, and I don't remember a time when I was not doing something. Ive been around the block with substances from silly kids stuff at school like lighter fuel gas, tipex thinners and glue, moving on to alcohol, weed, acid, speed, ecstasy, coke, MDMA, mkat, ketamine and prescription drugs throughout my life. Ive been able to hold a good job throughout everything and on the outside everything is pucka. But realistically Im killing myself with my addiction and the cracks are starting to appear.
I always thought, (as my health until recently was fine) I was indestructible. I was always able to take what ever I wanted, whenever I wanted, but now the realisation of massive memory loss, lung problems, nasal problems, headaches, bladder problems, teeth & gum problems, Tinnitus, eye sight problems etc has made me think about my future and how I can possibly save myself.
Im now in my 40's, so my journey has been a good 30 years long. I have to say I wouldn't change it for the world, as it has made me the person I am today, and I am very lucky to be that person, but the good times must come to an end, at least on a daily basis.
Up until 6 years ago I would of classed myself as a recreational user, although if I'm honest I did have a bit of a coke problem for about 4 years, but generally I would only do stuff 3 times a week. I left the silly kids stuff behind when I was a kid. I don't do weed, acid, speed, ecstasy, coke, MDMA, or mkat anymore and haven't done for a decade or so, apart from the mkat, but my problems are ketamine and alcohol which I have been taking daily for the last 6 years but these are the only ones I take now.
It started off with Ketamine recreationally once or twice a week in 2012 but within 6 months I was doing 2-3g a day, then 6 months later it was 4g+ a day. I have to say I learnt so much about myself over the 6 years and so much about life in general, and it changed me from the arrogant coke head, to a more humble, respectful, patient person. So there were some benefits from my last 6 year journey.
Dont get me wrong, Ive suffered the ket cramps and been hospitalised quite a few times, Ive had the massive paranoia, Ive been the selfish little wanker putting ket before my friends and family and life in general which I'm not proud of. But I also did some amazing things which I am proud of. But Ive been in many many dark places with the drug and trying to weigh the benefits of the good places with the dark places are very difficult especially now I have the realisation of the permanent damage I have done to my health.
I noticed a couple of years ago my memory was failing, trying to remember the most basic of things was becoming difficult, but a good line always made things better. Everything's ok, no need to worry.....If only!! Then all of the other problems mentioned above slipped into play, but again a good line said it all...everything's ok.
In the last 6 months Ive had to reduce my intake so Im only on a g a day + a bit if I'm stressed.
Im at the hospital for my bladder. Im really struggling. Pain every time I go to the loo. Passing blood, its becoming a nightmare. They want to do a bladder neck incision on my bladder, but i haven't been honest with them about my addiction, and I don't really want the surgery as it will totally fuck up my sex life which is amazing.
If I could only ditch daily abuse and use once or twice a week to keep my spirits high that would be amazing. IS THAT POSSIBLE??
Ive had 3 days off over the last week, one on and another 2 off. Ive purposely spent all my money so I cant buy anymore till next Wednesday which is 7 days off. Im struggling like fuck to do my day to day work and just general living as my body is going into free fall and my mind is now panicking knowing I cant get any for another week.
Is there anything I can do to stop my cravings and help my panic brain, as I am getting a bit depressed and I suppose Im at rock bottom??
Any advice would be amazing
Thanks for reading
Ive been reading blogs and peoples journeys on this site for many years. Its really helped me out in dealing with my addiction. Hearing what others have done to try to help themselves get out of some of the dark places they have been in. Ive been in many dark places myself over the years, but I now see some light at the end of the tunnel, but only because I have had to change my mind set, as Im getting very ill and the realisation of the permanent damage I have done to my health is now very apparent.
Ive always used and abused drugs from a very early age, and I don't remember a time when I was not doing something. Ive been around the block with substances from silly kids stuff at school like lighter fuel gas, tipex thinners and glue, moving on to alcohol, weed, acid, speed, ecstasy, coke, MDMA, mkat, ketamine and prescription drugs throughout my life. Ive been able to hold a good job throughout everything and on the outside everything is pucka. But realistically Im killing myself with my addiction and the cracks are starting to appear.
I always thought, (as my health until recently was fine) I was indestructible. I was always able to take what ever I wanted, whenever I wanted, but now the realisation of massive memory loss, lung problems, nasal problems, headaches, bladder problems, teeth & gum problems, Tinnitus, eye sight problems etc has made me think about my future and how I can possibly save myself.
Im now in my 40's, so my journey has been a good 30 years long. I have to say I wouldn't change it for the world, as it has made me the person I am today, and I am very lucky to be that person, but the good times must come to an end, at least on a daily basis.
Up until 6 years ago I would of classed myself as a recreational user, although if I'm honest I did have a bit of a coke problem for about 4 years, but generally I would only do stuff 3 times a week. I left the silly kids stuff behind when I was a kid. I don't do weed, acid, speed, ecstasy, coke, MDMA, or mkat anymore and haven't done for a decade or so, apart from the mkat, but my problems are ketamine and alcohol which I have been taking daily for the last 6 years but these are the only ones I take now.
It started off with Ketamine recreationally once or twice a week in 2012 but within 6 months I was doing 2-3g a day, then 6 months later it was 4g+ a day. I have to say I learnt so much about myself over the 6 years and so much about life in general, and it changed me from the arrogant coke head, to a more humble, respectful, patient person. So there were some benefits from my last 6 year journey.
Dont get me wrong, Ive suffered the ket cramps and been hospitalised quite a few times, Ive had the massive paranoia, Ive been the selfish little wanker putting ket before my friends and family and life in general which I'm not proud of. But I also did some amazing things which I am proud of. But Ive been in many many dark places with the drug and trying to weigh the benefits of the good places with the dark places are very difficult especially now I have the realisation of the permanent damage I have done to my health.
I noticed a couple of years ago my memory was failing, trying to remember the most basic of things was becoming difficult, but a good line always made things better. Everything's ok, no need to worry.....If only!! Then all of the other problems mentioned above slipped into play, but again a good line said it all...everything's ok.
In the last 6 months Ive had to reduce my intake so Im only on a g a day + a bit if I'm stressed.
Im at the hospital for my bladder. Im really struggling. Pain every time I go to the loo. Passing blood, its becoming a nightmare. They want to do a bladder neck incision on my bladder, but i haven't been honest with them about my addiction, and I don't really want the surgery as it will totally fuck up my sex life which is amazing.
If I could only ditch daily abuse and use once or twice a week to keep my spirits high that would be amazing. IS THAT POSSIBLE??
Ive had 3 days off over the last week, one on and another 2 off. Ive purposely spent all my money so I cant buy anymore till next Wednesday which is 7 days off. Im struggling like fuck to do my day to day work and just general living as my body is going into free fall and my mind is now panicking knowing I cant get any for another week.
Is there anything I can do to stop my cravings and help my panic brain, as I am getting a bit depressed and I suppose Im at rock bottom??
Any advice would be amazing
Thanks for reading