I Slipped

[amediocrity]

I'm sorry this is brief, but I typed out a huge background to my situation and my computer decided to freeze. I'm feeling so angry right now as it is, I had a minor breakdown over it, because I just need help and I can't think straight.

I have binged on codeine on four days in the last two weeks. I had a year clean time. I can't do this again. I stopped going to meetings a while back, and I had a lot of stuff happen that caused stress and upset in recent months. So I guess I should have seen this coming.

long and short of it is I plan on throwing away what I have left tomorrow. What should I expect? Any physical WDs likely, or am I just looking at the mental side of things? Any tips on controlling the cravings? Last time I quit I obviously made it to a year and I was at my lowest point so quitting was kind of the only way I could go other than dying. Now it seems in some ways more difficult because I have been using again for such a short time.

I am just so concerned because my mental health has suffered hugely from this setback, I am so overwhelmingly angry and disappointed in myself.

Please if anyone has experience of binging after a relatively long period of clean time, please advise me on what to expect (I understand it will be different for everyone but a relative estimation would be much appreciated).

im sorry if I come across as a whiny brat, I'm just frightened about how much anger I have suddenly from this relatively minor slip. It feels more like relapse. And that scares the hell out of me.

thank you for your time

 

[Cheshire_Kat]

Don't be disappointed, everyone slips. The temptation is giving into the disappointment to reinforce your habit.

I slipped quite a few times before finally keeping clean from H since June 1977. Have faith in yourself, dust yourself off and start over again.

You've got this!

 

[amediocrity]

Thank you White_Rose, it's very true, the disappointment leads me to feel like I might as well resign to living my old life again and allowing the addiction back in. I am determined to start afresh tomorrow. Got my empowering playlist at the ready. Thank you for your encouragement, I think I just needed someone to tell me I can do it

 

[Xorkoth]

It's likely there will be some light withdrawal, well, maybe not even if you left days between uses. If it was only 4 days out of the last 2 weeks, you'll probably just feel a little shaky at worst. Don't beat yourself up! Slipping happens. Don't think of it as, oh god I fucked up, think of it as, okay I caught myself, I can learn from this.

 

[Trabbamab]

I would not think you would have much WDs at all. After a year you are about as close to a non-addict's brain as you will get and even if you used those 4 days in a row, I would not expect codeine to have caused a physical dependence.

Rather, I would expect more of a mental situation. While counting clean time is a huge motivation to a lot of recovering addicts, it also adds a sense of loss when someone inevitably slips. This can cause self-loathing and start a cycle that can make a relapse even worse. You have had a taste of it again, and that can make cravings more powerful than they would have been before. But it is good that you caught yourself after only using 4 days. You will likely have no WDs so you can get back on the boat again with little to no physical pain, leaving you more focus to really figure out what happened and how to prevent it again.

 

[Mafioso]

I'm sorry this is brief, but I typed out a huge background to my situation and my computer decided to freeze. I'm feeling so angry right now as it is, I had a minor breakdown over it, because I just need help and I can't think straight.

I have binged on codeine on four days in the last two weeks. I had a year clean time. I can't do this again. I stopped going to meetings a while back, and I had a lot of stuff happen that caused stress and upset in recent months. So I guess I should have seen this coming.

long and short of it is I plan on throwing away what I have left tomorrow. What should I expect? Any physical WDs likely, or am I just looking at the mental side of things? Any tips on controlling the cravings? Last time I quit I obviously made it to a year and I was at my lowest point so quitting was kind of the only way I could go other than dying. Now it seems in some ways more difficult because I have been using again for such a short time.

I am just so concerned because my mental health has suffered hugely from this setback, I am so overwhelmingly angry and disappointed in myself.

Please if anyone has experience of binging after a relatively long period of clean time, please advise me on what to expect (I understand it will be different for everyone but a relative estimation would be much appreciated).

im sorry if I come across as a whiny brat, I'm just frightened about how much anger I have suddenly from this relatively minor slip. It feels more like relapse. And that scares the hell out of me.

thank you for your time

I can imagine the way you might be feeling right now, but all things considered, it really doesn't seem like that big of a deal. It needs to be taken seriously to prevent further problems, but stressing out about it and beating yourself up isn't going to help better the situation. It sounds like things have been coming to a head for a while now and they got a little out of control so you resorted back to your old way of coping. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone falls down. Don't let your mistakes define you, get back up and persevere. Rather than beating yourself up because you had a minor relapse, direct your focus and energy to understanding what lead up to the relapse and what you can do differently to avoid another one.

I would think the WDs will be pretty minior. Not sure how much you were using before, but I'm guessing that you've gone through some pretty rough WDs. It will probably be mostly mental and the cravings will probably be the hardest part to beat. Staying busy is really the best way I've found to manage cravings. Make yourself a daily schedule and plan out your day by the hour so you never have down time. It doesn't have to be elaborate or difficult, just simple tasks like cleaning your house, organizing, reading, studying, exercising, working, and what not.

 

[herbavore]

Don't think of it as, oh god I fucked up, think of it as, okay I caught myself, I can learn from this.

^This. Let's say you were potty training your kid and they did great for a while and then had an accident--you would never dream of getting angry with him (or her). You owe yourself the same understanding and compassion while you are learning new habits for dealing with everything in life but especially stress.

 

[weegee]

i promise you you are not a fail you had the strength to speak the truth of consuming again that is the step that will move the mountain 12 years all types of opiates for me tried programs and suboxone but i was lucky to make it out alive its the devil but know youre not alone breath when you live the life of opiates you are living the addiction not your own life dont give up you just had a min we all do each day is a new beginning you are not alone forgive yourself and just ik its more then just i wanna get high its like the lite in your life without it you feel hopeless but being sick and just ehhh is better than being an animal searching for blood day by day is a success promise you.