relapse after day 4

[Saffa]

Hi

i feel like a loser i have been through withdrawel before 2 years ago afetr 2 years on oxycodon pushing 50mg a day through my nose ..... i paid the price going cold turkey and made it i vowed to myself never again....

recently i had chronic shoulder pain and got short working oxy 10mg its helped the pain but before i knew it i was abusing it again up to 40 mg a day for the last 2 months...

I stopped cold turkey and it was somewhat easier than the first time but still mentally and pysically painful i got benzos from doctor for the anxiety .... i feel better today ending day 4 ...... i promised myself not to take but i know and confess im a addict and could not resist so i took 10 mg and flushed the last 27 pills down the toilet....

i feel real bad and its my own fault ....

do you guys think i have screwed up my 4 days that i was clean and will i go back to feeling like day 1 .....

anyone have experince on this .... please help ...

 

[Scrofula]

Sorry I missed this, Saffa.

Nope, those things happen. Nobody ever quits a habit on the first try. That doesn't even really count as a relapse, just a hiccup. Keep going, make it another four days, then call it an eight and never talk about it that pill again.

I'm going to move this thread over to the Sober Living forum, where they're a little faster to help with people struggling with addiction.

 

[cj]

You won't go back to day 1 but you did set your progress back. No worries though things like that are inevitable. Just try to keep in mind that your feelings are temporary

 

[rwkregime]

No, I think you are doing great. You should not feel like a loser at all. As I am sure you know opiate addiction is extremely hard to deal with and the fact that you have made yourself stop twice and do not have a higher tolerance and have not started using IV after using this long means you are doing much better than most statistically. You flushed the rest of what you had so you should be fine. Do you have easy access to more and have you been thinking about getting more? Try to remember how shitty the withdrawal feels if you feel tempted. The 10mg wont reset everything as the moderator above said above (nice avatar R.I.P eyedea) but it could extend the residual withdrawal process a little. Please do not beat yourself up, I assure you, you are being strong and should be commended. Good luck.

 

[Saffa]

Thanks for all your input guys im feeling better already

 

[Saffa]

yeah i have such easy access still however ..... im really struggling to not think about taking again ..... its constantly on my mind just one more but with me it leads to snorting 10 pills a day ....im ashamed im a addict , i never told my Girlfriend that i do this to the extreme she supports me through my withdrawels ...im just so afraid of telling her im a addict ....we live in amsterdam ...so drugs are everywhere i used to do speed/ketamine,coke,oxy daily and got over that phase however when..i buy a gram of anything i cant let it stand for the next party i snort just a bit everyday....

i dont want to go to na ----i went once before to aa meetings and that made me drink even more .... i dont have a issue with drink now at all i drink maybe once a month socially, my dad died of drink by the age of 42 ..... i feel i have the same problem as him but just with drugs ....

i come form South africa and only smoke pot i never used hard drugs as i was always surfing and had a natural high ... it since i moved to Holland when i wheels came off as there is nothing for me here to do ie extreme sports....

im on the verge of leaving this place to go home so i can be far away from all the drugs in Holland

 

[Saffa]

Hi Guys

me again i have been clean 10 days with 2 relapses ..... i cant control this addiction of opiads..... i feel so bad that i got 2 10 mg yesterday and could not resist it ...... i am worried about myself and my addiction i have no more w/d pain except RLS and sometimes anxiety which the doc gave me valium for ....

all in all i have no control over temptation ..... i reallly need a online friend i can skype with to help me when i feel tempted and to help me change my thought of addiction....

id there anyone that is willing to help me

thanks

 

[cj]

I don't Skype but feel free to pm me I check them pretty often. Relapse is part of it. Have you thought about suboxone? It will help your cravings.

 

[MrRoot]

I would second that Suboxone might help you. You don’t have to be ”hardcore addict” to get help from Suboxone.

I used to abuse oxycodone daily without IV use for about 5 years and in the end I abused 250mg+ a day until I decided to do a slow taper. That didn’t work out well as I had relapses and understood that I need something to control my cravings until I manage to deal with the issues leading to abuse and entered Buprenorphine ORT for a year.

Now I have been using 80mg oxycodone+naloxone combination for a 6 months for a pain issues which has gone and currently I have been tapering out of it since last wednesday and tomorrow is going to be a first opioid free day.

 

[herbavore]

im on the verge of leaving this place to go home so i can be far away from all the drugs in Holland

I'm a big believer in the power of the ocean. Maybe going home is a good idea. You'll be away from easy access, you will have surfing back in your life and you will have made a very concrete move for yourself. Do you think it's doable?