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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Distancing Talk Thread: Swirly Congregation That's 100% Pandemic-Proof

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Interestingly enough, when I apply for jobs these days, they classify a history of depression as a disability. Feels weird saying I have a disability on those government work forms.

You are too honest. I never mention that I'm batshit.

Depression sucks. I've got it, it comes and goes. A sort of barometer I use is how much music I listen to, when depressed even my favourite tunes sound stale.

I've been epicly anxious lately too and the only way through it that is meditation. I've been getting some good results from it, I can now breathe away some of the panic. I just wake so early with instant racing thoughts and I feel very tripped out as the day unfolds. Extreme anxiety is almost dissociative but without any of the good bits. Today I feel okay, though finding breathing a struggle. Lots of sighing and I sense my nervous energy growing.
 
I lie on every job application-no convictions, never been fired from a job, and then at the interview I kill it. The job i have now, i went to the interview and killed it even though I had just came home from jail, and I found out before the end of the interview that I was being hired, and I managed to make them give me like a few days or a week before I'd do the drug test (because I had been gettin high that morning before the interview) and when I did the background check I had claimed no convictions/arrests, well I ended up being asked if I had ever lived in florida (I technically have, when I was little in Tampa, i even was going to school there so i'm guessing thats why it showed up) but not being asked about my record because it should have showed up, if you just google my name some spotcrime site has my last arrest on it...
But mind you these are shitty jobs. I was methed out quite a few times at work this summer and never got officially in trouble (the one time I left because i was convinced there was a plot against me because I heard someone talking on the phone say it was prob about the one with long hair he looks fucked up. I got stopped twice by the cops walking home that night, literally twice)
Hell, I am pretty sure I got caught stashing shard in the break room a few months back, i had it under the microwave in the break room and I think they were told that therer was a bag of white shit stashed...
The flip side is they pay like shit and i'm 99% sure they'd work with the police because they call the cops on shoplifters and all that and other shit i cant discuss. Only thinf i like is i can listen to music all night and honestly if I was sniffing shit in the bathroom, I wouldn't get arrested if i even got in trouble (overnight anyway), because I got walked in on with a line ready on my bank card in the stall and I swear I heard one of the chicks say later that night "Josh saw him in the bathroom with white powder" and I was never disciplined or anything..
I got some heat fuck it, I might end up missing work honestly, my eyes are already starting to be dilated bad and I'm all things considered not that fucked up atm, I'm about to blow a line when I'm done with this post. There really is a utilitarian specific reason I copped this gram for (I didnt get it just to get wrecked a few days or to stay up at work-i need it for something else) and idc, its $45 and i havent done it for super long idgaf what anyone thinks, if I was a methhead I wouldn't be buying less than a 3.5 at a time because I can afford it esp if i put some out in the street I'd get it free.
I dont have the tolerance I used to. I can still do wya more than i am on atm but nowadays after switching to sniffing it all summer I cant do crazy shots as much and shit. I'm sure that I could get to tolerant like before if i was off night shift (i cant shoot meth all night the way i used to when id have it due to work so when I cop a sack i may only go the fuck in one night).
I swear shits better than it was a few years ago anyway for the most part IMO
I gotta go get away from this post I've been stuck for like a half hour at least dumbass haha
 
Interestingly enough, when I apply for jobs these days, they classify a history of depression as a disability. Feels weird saying I have a disability on those government work forms.

Wow, I didn't know that. At least they're finally starting to recognize it. Hopefully people won't try to take advantage of it too much so that the benefits are there for the ones that really need it.

I've been epicly anxious lately too and the only way through it that is meditation. I've been getting some good results from it, I can now breathe away some of the panic. I just wake so early with instant racing thoughts and I feel very tripped out as the day unfolds. Extreme anxiety is almost dissociative but without any of the good bits. Today I feel okay, though finding breathing a struggle. Lots of sighing and I sense my nervous energy growing.

Sorry to hear about the anxiety. I'm all too familiar with that as well. I think of depression and anxiety as dating conjoined twins... you can't have one without the other! (sorry for the visual) Glad the meditation is helping.

I was reading an article about how they studied the brain waves of a Buddhist monk while he meditated. He was able to put himself into delta (stage 4/deep) sleep and still carry on a conversation with the guy that was interviewing him! That's crazy, dude.

Peace, Love and Faith,
Dreamflyer
 
Ugh dogs, i'm gonna call off work tonight and get high as FUCK
idc, i hate my job anyway...
I havent been arrested yet, (I was worried I was going to have my door kicked in today for basically the end of a few months investigation into BS just getting high basically)
and if I were arrested, Id prob have a civil case against the county/the drug task force/maybe city and regional PDs be
 
Extreme anxiety / panic does have a dissociative feel to it. It is quite physical for me too, feels like I'm on the verge of having a heart attack.

I am still getting over two weeks of withdrawal anhedonia. Wasn't the greatest start to the new year it has been tough kicking again after two relapses. All my oxy scripts are out and I skipped my reup appointment... feeling a little safer.

Been doing hot yoga daily it's great. It was hard to do that while detoxing but I've worked my way up to daily practice this month. Alternating between passive meditation type yin classes, and ones that are completely exhausting. It is helpful for depression and my self confidence and energy are returning too. Been applying for new work and starting to be able to smile / laugh / chat / something other than feeling dead inside.

Feeling directionless but then again me of 2 weeks ago... at least I can function now even if I am struggling to be on the go most of the time.
 
I get crazy physical symptoms with anxiety. Sweating, chills, hot flushes, nausea, indigestion, bloating, diarrhoea, paresthesia, muscle twitches, heavy heart beat, difficulty breathing. . . Plus the mental shit where I don't feel real and my thoughts don't feel like my own, the deep dread, suicidal thoughts and relentless dysphoria. Its impossible for me to function in thst state.

Fortunate, I know what caused this and its subsided so I feel much better.
 
I just found out that Vortech passed away. :(
RIP friend
Oh dear...
:(

Was it his cancer? It seemed like he only just found out about it.

I still have his book on my hard drive somewhere. Never got around to reading it. Maybe now is the time.
 
Wow... That was fast. :( Which is a blessing, I guess. What a unique soul. He will be sorely missed here. <3
 
that's really sad about Vortech. I loved reading his posts and really enjoyed his book on MXE. A talented and inspired guy. I'll miss him.
 
I just found out that Vortech passed away. :(
RIP friend

No way !! Are you 100% sure on that ??

WTF ! I can't believe this ... He was such a special dude, loved reading his swirly vibes, and his sometimes over the top whimsical thinking...

Hard to accept, I'm sincerely shocked ... This seems so unfair !
 
Yeah I'm Facebook friends with him, as is Delsyd... or were. Was. Damn so weird. :(
 
Rip Vortech <3 I hope he found the answers.
 
I just found out that Vortech passed away. :(
RIP friend <3

OMG that was so quick :(

RIP vortech

he always wanted to figure out life's great mysteries, hopefully he's happy with what he's discovered on the other side <3
 
I had been meaning to ask him to compile his VJing, musical, and written works so that his incredible creativity could live on should he not. Goddamnit, I should have just asked him.

Vortech was hands down one of my favorite people I'd ever met online. Most BLs that pass on I'm not too familiar or attached to, but damn, Vortech...

Vortech on the visuals as Vostek:
[video=vimeo;145722807]https://vimeo.com/145722807[/video]
 
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