Anytime I perform a "generous" action and immediately feel a twinge of resentment usually in the form of an unmet expectation I know that I am people pleasing. It is okay to not be "generous" if it is causing you suffering. "No" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language and a sentence that few are skilled enough to utilize regularly. "No" requires no explanation. I have struggled in the past with saying "no". I am much better at it today.
I have mentored quite a few guys who also struggled with saying "no". I offer this up to all of them. If you struggle saying "no" without additional explanation of why you are saying "no" then feel free to say "because Justin told me to say 'no'". Of all of the people I know who have utilized that phrasing I have yet to have a single person come up to me and ask me, "Why did you tell so-and-so to say 'no'". After a period of time of utilizing that tool I have many guys who I currently mentor who now know how to say "no".
Personally, today, I rarely say "no". I also don't walk around regretting that I didn't say "no". I know the difference between generosity and people pleasing. It took me some time to learn that skill. I am capable today of saying "no" I just don't find it necessary that often. Practice it. You will improve!
KraziKat said:Ai, How are you doing? I am proud and happy for you in how you picked yourself up and dusted yourself after your booze relapse and DUI. I wish I had some of your resolve.
Well, I got a bill in the mail this morning for $30,471.45 from the out-of-network hospital where I detoxed in January and it made me angry at the treatment center that sent me there all over again. I had no choice but to go unless, in my dire condition, I wanted to pay several hundred bucks for a cab to take me back to Orlando an hour away, which wasn't much of a choice. I'm angry at the treatment center that, even after discharge from the hospital, would belligerently not admit me, and I'm angry at the well-meaning friends who insisted I go in the first place when I could have detoxed myself at home using Ativan, clonidine and propranolol (not like I haven't done it before) and saved me this nightmare hospital bill.
If anyone is reading this and considering treatment, most treatment is a sham. You don't have to pay a treatment center thousands of dollars to get well. Many of them are counting on you for repeat business. All you need to get better is a genuine desire not to drink or use again, a psychiatrist and psychotherapist with reasonable copays that will help you sort out your psychiatric and psychological problems and a strong support network (in my case, a good sponsor who is helping me work a solid program).
Spoke to a paralegal today and got some more info. I own my home outright so the hospital can't file a lien on it since there's no mortgage, and legally, there's no way for them to legally force me to liquidate assets just in order to pay their bill. I don't want to sound flip about this, but it can't make me homeless, and since medical debt can no longer affect credit scores, fuck it. Worst case scenario, I just walk away. I have so little in the way of liquid cash right now, it won't be worth their while to take it to court to try and get their hands on it.
The promotion at work is finally coming together. I'll be splitting my time, at least until November, between home in Florida and New Jersey.
My friend from AA, my ex and I won at trivia again last night. Won a $25 bar tab, so don't have to worry about paying for my weekly chicken enchiladas and Diet Coke for another week.
So this photo gave me a good laugh. This weekend weather guy on the CBS station used to be the main weather guy on the ABC station when I first came to town in the 90s. He was a raging alcoholic and used to do the weather completely shitfaced, which was extremely entertaining. I remember as storms were blowing in one evening, he said it was "time to roll grandma in off the front lawn." I know people who know him in Orlando recovery circles who say he's been sober for decades, but he's still kinda nuts and I was left wondering what an anthropomorphic alligator has to do with his weather map.
Weeeeellll keeeeeeerap...Everyone who has called me back from the list Florida Blue Cross gave me deals only with kids. I had a somewhat awkward conversation with one who was returning my phone call who thought I was calling about sessions for my kid (don't have any). That was slightly embarrassing.Hi - do you think it could be Blue Cross's fault for not approving more providers? I have commercial insurance (through an employer) and I face the same issues. Sometimes, you can call the insurance, and ask them to let you go to a specific place you like - especially if they have no in-network providers for that service. If you are turned down, you have the right to file an appeal, and that could get you your wish. The appeal is what worked for me. Good Luck!
Also, most insurers let you search their website for in-network doctors. Give it a try?
Dale