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I can't take it anymore

Not driving was a good choice.

Try to stay hydrated and get something to eat. Not sleeping is never pleasant and I find that helps. I find screens (tv/phone) dont help either.

<3
 
I went to SUNY Albany. Quite familiar with your surroundings. In fact, in my early 20s, I got a busted for a DUI and leaving the scene of an accident on Central Ave, a couple lights before the Denny's, if it's still there.

In fact, that is where I went after the accident. To Denny's, where about 100 cop cars descended upon and pulled me out of there before I could even order my chicken fried steak and eggs.
 
I like Albany. it's a nice size city. I like the neighborhoods although I could do without the overwhelming scale of those government office complex and the SUNY campus. I used to live in Southern Vermont and would occasionally go hang out there. It wasn't very far in distance but the road was heinous. Pretty, but heinous. The place I'd most like to get treatment is there. It's non 12 step, but it's prohibitively expensive and they don't bill insurance.

My vodka showed up and it's providing a little relief. Thank God I could have it delivered right to my door. It got rid of the auditory hallucinations.
 
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Keep your head up man things are never as bad as they seem.
 
Don't know why I just had this morbid thought, but I had a cousin who lived in Northern Kentucky across the river from Cincinnati who had a neighbor who jumped from the Interstate 275 bridge over the Licking River and missed the water. Apparently it was really gruesome because he wasn't instantly killed. I guess my mind is still in a dark place.
 
Man some bullshit legal trouble isn't worth killing yourself over. Not like your looking at a long prison term. Your going to overcome this
 
I also lived In southern Vermont, bennington. Now live in hoosick falls, ny, which is 9 miles west of bennington, and 30min east of Albany. I went to the serenity house in Wallingford vt for detox. I did a 5 day detox there, but they do have a 30 day program there too. Good people there.
 
aihfl said:
I broke down and ordered vodka delivery from Publix liquors. Going on 24 hours with no sleep and I'm starting to hallucinate and see shadow people. I don't need to be driving in this condition.
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I didn't know they deliver.

I hope your hallucinations and the withdrawal ends soon <3
 
Alldonewithit said:
I also lived In southern Vermont, bennington. Now live in hoosick falls, ny, which is 9 miles west of bennington, and 30min east of Albany. I went to the serenity house in Wallingford vt for detox. I did a 5 day detox there, but they do have a 30 day program there too. Good people there.
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I lived in Brattleboro. I still have white knuckle driving memories on Route 9 across the mountains. Thanks for the recommendation. I live in Florida but I want to get as far away from here as possible. And I love Vermont in winter. Hoosick Falls is a charming town.

Thanks for the positive vibes Captain.
 
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Aihfl, I've always got a lot from your posts. Sorry to hear life sucks for you atm. But, just as everyone has said, you will get through this. At the very least, rehab will get you off the street and someplace safe for now. Until you're actually there, keep using the delivery service because alcohol withdrawls can kill you and, i, for one, would really miss your posts!!!

When I was in rehab, I met people in my same legal and professional situation. While I also met people in worse situations, it was good to know I wasn't alone.

My parents learned of my morphine addiction when I literally crawled to a pay phone, (mobile and land line were cut off) at 3am and told them I needed help. After a few minutes of shock, they did what any parent would do...Anything and everything. One day your children will need your help - for whatever reason - and you will give it. And you will be so glad that you are there to do so.
 
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Hi Everyone. I am having the damnedest time getting into treatment. I agreed to go to detox last Monday but I wasn't there very long before they decided I was too sick to be detoxed in their facility and they sent me to the hospital where I spent 5-6 days getting pumped full of fluids and electrolytes. My doctor at the hospital was of marginal quality; I didn't sleep for days because she wouldn't give me anything for sleep and she told me at discharge to quit taking my psych meds (but she had no issues pumping me full of blood thinners - unpleasant abdominal shots - for reasons that go over my head). As if. Anyway after discharge I went back to the rehab to see if I could be readmitted and they wouldn't do it saying my physical condition was too unstable and that my medical records said I was unable to get around on my own. I told them A. I walked in here on my own and B. my discharge paperwork says my condition is stable. But for some reason they remain fixated on information that is days old. You'd think they'd want my $$$. All that said, I didn't take it seriously at the time but I had no idea how close to death I was. The doctor told me my potassium was 2.8 and anything 3 or under is potentially cardiac arrest territory. No wonder I was having issues even standing up. Anyway I am raising hell with the treatment center to try and get back in. This is a new experience because usually they try to strong-arm you into going in. This time I want to go and the answer is "no."
 
Keep your head up man. Try a different facility if this one isn't playing ball. God knows Florida has a ton
 
Wow I can't believe that you are having such a hard time man, that's really awful. Stay strong.
 
Bummer about the treatment centre. Somethings just dont make sense sometimes.

Im glad however that you're doing better now anyways.

Keep fighting the good fight.

<3
 
Mr Boris said:
Aihfl, I've always got a lot from your posts. Sorry to hear life sucks for you atm. But, just as everyone has said, you will get through this. At the very least, rehab will get you off the street and someplace safe for now. Until you're actually there, keep using the delivery service because alcohol withdrawls can kill you and, i, for one, would really miss your posts!!!

When I was in rehab, I met people in my same legal and professional situation. While I also met people in worse situations, it was good to know I wasn't alone.

My parents learned of my morphine addiction when I literally crawled to a pay phone, (mobile and land line were cut off) at 3am and told them I needed help. After a few minutes of shock, they did what any parent would do...Anything and everything. One day your children will need your help - for whatever reason - and you will give it. And you will be so glad that you are there to do so.
Click to expand...

As an addicted dad of young kids, this post has me sobbing.
 
I have given up on the rehab I was planning on attending. They are requiring me to see a gastroenterologist before they'll admit me. I still have no idea what I'd be seeing a GI doctor for, plus if bloodwork is required there's no way the results will be in ahead of their Feb 5 deadline. I am very unimpressed with their level of professionalism and have concluded that it's time to look elsewhere. I'm not worried about relapsing in the near short term given how fresh the hospitalization memories are. My sponsor is dumping me but I never asked him for his help. In fact, I didn't even want it at the time. I'm not going to be in a rush to find somewhere to go, nor am I going to be in a rush to find someone else to work with. I've always favored slower, methodical decision making and I think that will serve me well in finding a program and sponsor that is a good fit for me.
 
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