I may be in some trouble

[Trabbamab]

So, possibly quite stupidly, I order 25 pills of Clonazolam off the Internet a few months ago. I took them occassionally for time of intense anxiety, which would come and go. I have never been addicted to benzos before.

However, I got into a serious bout of severe anxiety and started taking them daily. As of yesterday, I have taken then daily for 9 days. My understanding was that benzos usually took about a couple of months to form a physical addition. However, I was taking enough of them each one of those days to "feel" (not to get blasted and black-out, but enough to feel the effects), so I was increasing the dose (up to about 0.6mg a day, which as you probably know, is a reasonably high doze of clam). I was taking them in the evening to help with sleep. But now, every night like clockwork I start feeling horrible. My feet and hands sweat and I feel like I simply cannot go to sleep. Is it possible to get addicted to a strong benzo such as "clam" in such a short period (before this stretch I would use them only 1 - 2 a week at the most, and oftentimes would go weeks taking none)?

I am not sure if I am addicted or if this is just a strengthening of the anxiety I was feeling before, but I have had periods before taking any benzos where I would have anxiety/panic attacks and would have difficulty falling asleep (and these would usually start to hit in the late afternoon to early evening). These would come and go in cycles where I would have it for a month or two maybe and then it would go away for several months. I don't really feel any cravings for the drugs (I have been addicted to opiates before and know what cravings feel like). But rather, it is more fear that I won't sleep and knowing that the clam will at least give me that. Oddly, people have described great euphoria with this drug, but I have never experienced that. It more just gave me the physical effects of benzos, which I found curious.

Do you think I am physically addicted to clonazolam? What should I do? Most of the tapering instructions out there seem to be for people who have been taking them for months, and have months-long taper strategies. Any help would be greatly appreciated because I am confused and not really sure what to do. Thank you!

 

[aihfl]

Given the duration you've been using benzos it's not likely that you've developed a serious dependency but it's always best to consult a doctor who would put you on a diazepam or Librium taper.

 

[Painful One]

I think you are having back lash anxiety from the clonazolam at this point. I would advise you to stick it out. You do NOT want to become dependent on these types of medications. I had no idea just how bad the withdrawal would be from missing five days of my 1mg clonazepam.

I tell you the withdrawal is the worst! All the regular withdrawal symptoms from opiates plus hallucinations, blood burning, I had to walk all day and night or my leg started to lock up and traveled up my body and sent me into seizures. I will NEVER be off even one day again with those med's! Holy shit!

This class of medication is the worst. Benzodiazepines. Avoid them at all costs.
Go to a doctor and get some sleep medication that is not in the benzo category or I found that Doxylamine Succinate works well for sleep and you can buy that over the counter.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Trabbamab]

Thank you all for the responses.

I think you are having back lash anxiety from the clonazolam at this point. I would advise you to stick it out.

So you mean more like rebound anxiety versus true withdrawal? I read the Ashley report, as I think it is called, that people recommend so highly online and I am not experiencing hardly any of the symptoms they mention on there. Just kind of some sweaty hands and feet and insomnia for the most part. I am hoping it is at the most rebound anxiety with the very bare beginnings of benzo WD.

You do NOT want to become dependent on these types of medications. I had no idea just how bad the withdrawal would be from missing five days of my 1mg clonazepam.

I tell you the withdrawal is the worst! All the regular withdrawal symptoms from opiates plus hallucinations, blood burning, I had to walk all day and night or my leg started to lock up and traveled up my body and sent me into seizures. I will NEVER be off even one day again with those med's! Holy shit!

OMG! So sorry to hear that. And you are right. I don't want to get dependent on these. I have been addicted to opiates before, but benzo WDs scare the shit out of me. Opiate WDs just sucks but it only gets so bad (plus I have experienced opiate WD at its max when I had to cold-turkey off of 120mg of Methadone a day in jail so I know the mountain top of its effects; benzo WD is an unknown to me).

I really do hope and pray to God that you find relief from your situation.

Go to a doctor and get some sleep medication that is not in the benzo category or I found that Doxylamine Succinate works well for sleep and you can buy that over the counter.

Thank you for the tip! I am planning to just tough it out with low doses of Kava during the day and I was planning on using Benadryl for sleep at night, but I think I will give that Doxyamine Succinate (Unisom in the USA) a shot. I have never actually tried that one. Benadryl (Diphenhydramine) has always been a bit hit-or-miss with me. I think I also have some phenergan which drops me like a rock, even during opiate WDs.

Thank you so much!

 

[Painful One]

Yeah, much more like rebound anxiety than true withdrawal. That category of drugs (benzodiazepines) causes a backlash or rebound anxiety after taking it for a few weeks and then stopping. Sometimes it can even cause it after just days of use. It will clear up soon. I know it is uncomfortable but it passes quickly and it is much better to just wait - sweat it out than to keep using the benzodiazepines.

You will know if you are having benzodiazepine withdrawal. Wow! That was terrible. I realized it will take me a long time of tapering down to even come off of 1 mg clonazepam a day. If my health problems allow that to happen. I would like to see myself off of the clonazepam. Thank you for the prayers. Much appreciated. I also will pray for you and hope you find relief as well.

I am so sorry to hear you had to come off of 120 mg methadone in jail. I feel for you on that one. That is horrible.
Yes, benzo withdrawal is the worst and is way worse. You don't want to go down this road at all.

Yeah, I would give the doxylamine succinate a try. It really works good for me.

 

[cj]

That's rebound anxiety but you are flirting with dependency. It took 25 days of straight use for me to end up strung out

 

[Trabbamab]

Yeah, much more like rebound anxiety than true withdrawal. That category of drugs (benzodiazepines) causes a backlash or rebound anxiety after taking it for a few weeks and then stopping. Sometimes it can even cause it after just days of use. It will clear up soon. I know it is uncomfortable but it passes quickly and it is much better to just wait - sweat it out than to keep using the benzodiazepines.

Okay, that makes me feel a lot better. In fact, I would imagine a lot of my anxiety the last day or so was anxiety over worrying if I was now starting to get physically addicted.

I also will pray for you and hope you find relief as well.

Thank you so much! And thank you again for all of the info!

I am so sorry to hear you had to come off of 120 mg methadone in jail. I feel for you on that one. That is horrible.
Yes, benzo withdrawal is the worst and is way worse. You don't want to go down this road at all.

It was pretty rough, but it was an eye-opening experience. I had been leading a life of crime and it was the catalyst that caused me to start cleaning-up over the next few years (I know I got into this clonazolam issue, but that is a legal RC, which in itself is kind of scary but aside from this crap I have been pretty clean and a law-abiding citizen largely due to memories of that time in jail). And yes, that is definitely not a road I want to go down.

Yeah, I would give the doxylamine succinate a try. It really works good for me.

Just went and bought a bottle today! Luckily they had it because it appears more of the brandings of Unisom are changing to diphenhydramine.

That's rebound anxiety but you are flirting with dependency. It took 25 days of straight use for me to end up strung out

Most definitely. I have disposed of it and am never taking a benzo again. I think that Kava may be more the answer to my anxiety problems.

 

[Trabbamab]

I just wanted to come back and say that you guys responding may have saved my life. So the first day off was not that bad. But I likely still had a lot of this mid-acting drug in my system. But yesterday was horrendous. I have never felt anxiety like this before. I felt completely depersonalized all day, like I was watching everything from the outside. I could barely respond to people talking to me, and my eyes kept trying to twitch up to the upper-left corner of my vision. I was trembling and couldn't eat all day.

If it wasn't for your advice, I would tapped out and likely figured it was WDs and taken another benzo (I had a stock of diclazapam in case I had to taper down). I also found half a bottle of Xanax in the cabinet I never knew was there while I was looking for Tylenol. But I sweated it out and actually woke up today feeling much better. Still very anxious but not even 5% of yesterday. So it was definitely rebound anxiety since I know no level of benzo WDs that would be over so quick. This stuff really is the f*cking devil people say it is.

I feel like I really dodged a bullet that I will not let myself get in the way of again. And I feel like a big part of my dodging it was your advice so thank you so much. I would have absolutely caved yesterday without Painful One saying it would be over pretty quick, which it seems like it was.

 

[herbavore]

Yay for you and yay for community support!

 

[cj]

Anxiety is hell but trying to control it with substances is a bad road to go down

 

[BeachBum4u]

Way to go! You deserve to pat yourself on the back! Keep up the good work.

 

[Painful One]

I just wanted to come back and say that you guys responding may have saved my life. So the first day off was not that bad. But I likely still had a lot of this mid-acting drug in my system. But yesterday was horrendous. I have never felt anxiety like this before. I felt completely depersonalized all day, like I was watching everything from the outside. I could barely respond to people talking to me, and my eyes kept trying to twitch up to the upper-left corner of my vision. I was trembling and couldn't eat all day.

If it wasn't for your advice, I would tapped out and likely figured it was WDs and taken another benzo (I had a stock of diclazapam in case I had to taper down). I also found half a bottle of Xanax in the cabinet I never knew was there while I was looking for Tylenol. But I sweated it out and actually woke up today feeling much better. Still very anxious but not even 5% of yesterday. So it was definitely rebound anxiety since I know no level of benzo WDs that would be over so quick. This stuff really is the f*cking devil people say it is.

I feel like I really dodged a bullet that I will not let myself get in the way of again. And I feel like a big part of my dodging it was your advice so thank you so much. I would have absolutely caved yesterday without Painful One saying it would be over pretty quick, which it seems like it was.

This made my day! I am so happy to hear that my advise saved you from the hell of benzodiazepines!
I know you were in a state of utter panic and it feels so horrible inside. It does and did pass quickly though.
I'm so glad you caught this quickly and were able to change the road you were headed down.
I don't want anyone to experience what I went through with just missing a few days dosage.

I hope the doxylamine succinate helped you also. I took one or two of those during that horrible panic attack state and it calmed it.
Thank goodness it does pass quickly. I'm grateful you remembered me telling you that and hung in there!
Very well done! Glad you are okay now.

Meditation has been a great help for me with anxiety control and many other problems also. You may want to give it a try.

 

[Trabbamab]

I will! Thank you so much!

I did try the doxylamine succinate! It was...odd but very effective. Very, very different from diphenhydramine. I took it on that worst day and I got this odd wave that came over me, and every time I shut my eyes I would see strange closed eye visuals (however, this was maybe the weirdest I had ever felt that whole day, so I am not sure how much was the drug and how much was the anxiety; may have all been the anxiety). But my eyelids kept getting heavier and heavier. Sometime around 1:30am I passed out and woke up in the morning having had a pretty good night of sleep. Where I was at, I don't think the diphenhydramine would have worked. So I will always keep a bottle around in case I need something powerful but safe and OTC to knock me out.

Thanks again for the advice and info! It really did make a world of difference. And you will be in my prayers

 

[solidsnake77]

I would say that you have developed some degree of physical dependence to clonazolam, for the symptoms you described. Hope you better nowadays, but if the abstinence persist, I would recommend you go to your dr and tell to him the situation (you can skip about you bought it in Internet), and suggest him a prescription of diazepam, that is the benzo of election to get out of another benzos, due to their long half life. He can give you a posology of mainteance, and later a reduction gradually of the diazepam.

 

[Trabbamab]

I would say that you have developed some degree of physical dependence to clonazolam, for the symptoms you described. Hope you better nowadays, but if the abstinence persist, I would recommend you go to your dr and tell to him the situation (you can skip about you bought it in Internet), and suggest him a prescription of diazepam, that is the benzo of election to get out of another benzos, due to their long half life. He can give you a posology of mainteance, and later a reduction gradually of the diazepam.

I appreciate the advice solidsnake77. Extremely luckily, it does seem that it was rebound anxiety as it only lasted really one day once I stopped taking it. I really did dodge a bullet with this one. I can't believe this stuff is sold legally online (for now).

 

[Drug vet]

I definitely think it?s because you used benzos as a crutch to your anxiety and you got used to the crutch and when you removed that crutch it became even harder to walk without it. I don?t think your physically addicted to benzos, but I do think you got psychologically addicted to it. At one point in my life I had anxiety attacks and panic attacks multiple times a day and I tried atavin I stole and it eased it but never really worked. You need to find the root of your anxiety/problem and fix it without drugs. Anything can be fixed with the right tools, even people.

 

[rebelmania]

Great that you're feeling better. I can recommend Melatonin for the night, it helps me chill and get to bed in a decent hour.

 

[Trabbamab]

Thank you, both of you! I may give melatonin another try. I have not used it in years and years. Right now I am still taking diphenhydramine or doxylamine succinate many nights to get some sleep and am a bit worried about using this as a crutch to go to sleep. I know melatonin is considered a lot better for the system.

And Drug vet, yeah, I have been wanting to really discover what is up with my anxiety. It has mostly receded now (as I mentioned, it sometimes goes away for months and comes back out of nowhere for no real reason) but will likely be back later.