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Thread: I've seriously messed up my brain and my last chance is trying to fix it or im gone.

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    I've seriously messed up my brain and my last chance is trying to fix it or im gone. 
    #1
    So I have posted this on a variety of different forums to gain people's knowledge and opinions on what I could do to help fix it. I am at the end of my tether with this and am trying to hang on but it's difficult. If I can get as much information as possible on what supplements I could take or what to do then that be great.

    We all make mistakes and I made a hefty ton and I am paying the price massively. For the past two years I have regularly dosed MDMA and some of the times I can be almost sure that what I was being sold was not the pure product. After being made homeless last year and living in a hostel my use went up loads. I was using every couple of weeks, but it would be dosing multiple pills every day for 3 days. I would do this on no sleep or very little. Even when I felt rubbish, I would take MDMA. All changed in August time. Had a range of different terrifying body sensations which I later found out were seizures. My pupils would go massive, I would space out and they have got progressivly worse now. Got prescribed anti epileptics which worked and then was stupid and mixed them with more MDMA and it reversed what the anti epileptics fixed and messed me up even more. For more than 6 months, I have not smoked, took drugs, drank coffee, had any stims. I've kept myself so clean from everything, in a better living situation and attending college and sorting my life out however I'm 18 now and my body fuctions and brain is going crazy every day. I'm on dizapazm to try to control the sezuires as nothing else is working, beta blockers for rapid heart rate. Suffer everyday, having funny turns all the time, it does give me some hope that in in 2 years my brain could of recovered itself but I have given it 6 months. Exercise, stayed clean and tried loads of prescribed drugs to fix problems and nothing is working. I can't live like this anymore and I'm turning to Nootropics as my last resort. Past week, took L-Theanine and nothing has happened postively. Constantly getting flashbacks AS well and depressive memories.
    I know that because its drug induced, there has got to be way to fix this, an imbalance in the brain, or a nootropic/stack I can take to recover my brain and stop the seizures completely. If its serotonin related, how would I go about fixing my receptors, if not please help guys. I can't go on like this and seriously debating just departing and offing myself to get out of this pain, emotionally and physically.
    Any suggestions on what else I can try?
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    #2
    Fish oil helps with neurogenesis, and lions mane mushroom has brain healing capabilities. Aerobic exercise helps heal the brain too.

    On the bright side, you're very young and your brain can and will heal with time, but you need to be patient and proactive about your situation.
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    #3
    I took way too much when I was young as well. 6 months isn't too long when it comes to these kinds of things - do your best to give it more time. People get better and better and better with time, but recovery definitely doesn't happen over night.

    What kind of seizures are you having? While some epileptics do have odd body sensation type stuff, if by body sensations you are referring to "brain zaps", these are actually not seizures but are rather a condition of the cranial nerves

    Are you having any visual disturbances, artifacts or noisy/grainy vision like visual snow, tracers or afterimages?

    Hang in there and do your best to keep exercising.
    CY
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    #4
    I don't know what kind of money/insurance you have, but if you can get a basic blood-test and check your B12/D/Folate levels you may get some insights. If you don't have that kind of money, I highly recommend a methyl B12 like this: https://www.amazon.com/Garden-Life-B...en+of+life+b12

    And look, in all seriousness, what you are dealing with is temporary. It is temporary. It does not seem that way, but it is, and you can come out of it. Don't give up.
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    #5
    Senior Moderator
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    I'm also interested to know what kind of seizures they are. Can't your doctors up your dose or add in other anti-seizure medication if this is such an issue?

    My (unsubstantiated) personal opinion is that you likely have epilepsy, and like most people with epilepsy, will eventually stabilise. It just might take time. The idea that it is serotonin based sounds like a blind and false alley.
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    #6
    Hey man, you might wanna read my thread. I got all kind of horrible symptoms. Been clean for over 6 months
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    #7
    Wow this story really made me feel, and your only 18? Damn.

    Note: I am not a doctor, but study this exact issue at university, all studies on this subject provide evidence but no facts. I can present what I know and what is accepted but everybody can be different.

    First the bad, then the good.

    Its unfortunate that these type of scenarios happen. As a society we need to legalize/regulate all chemicals and educate people when they are young the danger of certain chemicals and how each can impact ones life. Instead of saying "Hey drugs are bad, alcohol is fine" we could educate on how each drug will impact ones life and let people make there own decision. Its so clear today that uneducated people just group all drugs as one drug and think they are all just bad, equally bad when that is far, far from the truth of the matter. Ugh makes me sick but rant over.

    Ill be completely honest with you. If used responsibly, MDMA can be very "safe", low chance at overdose, dependence ect. However, MDMA without a doubt is the most destructive drug when abused. Even compared to any drug, one accepted dose of MDMA, lets say 200mg, is arguably the worst drug for you, far worse than one dose of heroin crack ect. The thing is crack and heroin are addicting so coming back for more and more make it considered a more dangerous drug. But one time use, MDMA takes the cake, imo, for worst drug for you.

    MDMA is neurotoxic and stressful on your brain. Abusing causes damage without a doubt and to an extent irreversible damage. The human brain is not fully developed until roughly the age of 25. This is why the drinking age is 21 ect. Your abuse of mdma has definitely caused issues that will be a nightmare to resolve. Your developing brain was subjected to extreme stimuli and its impossible for anyone to know to what extent the damage.

    However,

    You heavily abused MDMA but that is over and done, so forget about it. What to do now is forward thinking and recovery. Six months sober is awesome! You are going to have to take these victories to help push you onward. Exercise and healthy eating habits are a must. Get a multi vitamin, and you could try 5 htp as well.

    As others are saying, this is going to take time, and lots of it. I cant stress enough how great six months is but you might need to get to 6 years to see your life come back around! Keep seeing doctors but remember, because of the illegal nature of mdma, its hard for docs to know what exactly is going on, whereas alcohol addiction/treatment is very effective because it is studied more. Keep trying new things, be open to new ideas, and most importantly, find something to keep you going. You hit it on the head, this is drug induced, its not real. You can and will get better.

    Take care man, I really cant even imagine what your going through, I really hope you can keep fighting. It will all be worth it in the end.
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    #8
    You could try to supplement lion's mane mushroom extract as some research indicates that it will stimulate your NGF production, a substance able to repair and grow nervous tissue, brain included.

    Also melatonin should improve your sleep quality and also acts as a powerful antioxidant.

    Alpha lipoic acid and grape seed extract are very powerful antioxidants I suggest you try as they helped me in the past, although my issues were not as severe as yours.

    Are you under the care of some doctor for this? Or did you just ask for something to help with your symptoms without giving the full story?
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    #9
    Bluelighter David Wooderson's Avatar
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    All I can say is I've been in your shoes and it took years of complete abstinence from all drugs and alcohol, along with exercise, quality diet and low stress environment for me to get over those problems and come back to some semblance of self.

    I stay away from phenethylamines now and never take anything I don't know the source of.
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    #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by David Wooderson View Post
    All I can say is I've been in your shoes and it took years of complete abstinence from all drugs and alcohol, along with exercise, quality diet and low stress environment for me to get over those problems and come back to some semblance of self.

    I stay away from phenethylamines now and never take anything I don't know the source of.
    What do you take/allow yourself now? I agree with your post. It sounds trite but anybody going through hard times needs to use this as a time to grow. This is your opportunity to give yourself an upgrade.

    I understand that you're having seizures, but the same rules apply. Maybe talk about upping your meds until you achieve balance - which I'm sure you will. I'm unsure about any nootropics which will help achieve this balance, although iirc piracetam has anti-seizure qualities.
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    #11
    I have a similar story. I used to use MDMA multiple times a week, as well as atleast 2 or 3 other drugs daily (weed, morphine, mushies and K especially), being the high school dealer for about a year. This lead to serious depression and thoughts of 'offing' myself, just a very dark time. Only ended in an 8 year opiate addiction. In retrospect I look at it as being young, naive and stupid and not being prepared for dealing with life (still not).

    My only question is how did you know they were seizures? The 2 seizures I've had I never would of known had someone not told me. Just woke up on the ground not knowing which direction was up for little while. But if it is epilepsy than I think that is exasperating your problem, and from what I read possibly the only physical abnormality.
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    #12
    BTW dandsterj, would you describe the terrifying body sensations that turned out to be seizures?
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    #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Phobos View Post
    BTW dandsterj, would you describe the terrifying body sensations that turned out to be seizures?
    Sometimes stomach turning feelings, get deju vu which is normally followed by spacing out or not being able to understand anything around me or what people are saying to me
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    #14
    Do you remember any changes in your heart beat, perspiration, feeling cold or hot, changes in your breathing?
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    #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Phobos View Post
    Do you remember any changes in your heart beat, perspiration, feeling cold or hot, changes in your breathing?
    when it comes on its quite sudden, aniexty does come along with it as well when there is time between an aura and a seizure because I don't have any idea how bad its going to be.I get tired after quite a lot. Diazapazm seems to work wonders for sezuire control for me where as the other anti epileptics dont work that well however it can be short acting and ive built up a tolerance plus I want to get to the root of the problem which I know its drug induced. I have had grand mal's in the past but cant remember anything, just what other people have told me.
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    #16
    Quote Originally Posted by dansterdj View Post
    spacing out or not being able to understand anything around me or what people are saying to me
    I'm a bit confused by what kind of seizures you're having trouble with at present but if you're having absence seizures then you should know that hyperventilation/anxiety is a big cause of absence seizures, 9 out of 10 times an absence seizure patient can induce seizures just by hyperventilating - so do be aware if you have anxiety and hyperventilation issues, it can help to practice slow deep breathing.

    See vipassana and mindfulness meditation to help with your breathing, if that's something you have issues with. Hyperventilation in past MDMA abusers with issues seems to be common, and seems to cause various symptoms.
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    #17
    How the things going man?
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