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feeling really lost... need advice

O

ohboiii

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 19, 2016
Messages
11
i try to keep it as short as possible

after 7~ years of drugs, mostly weed and 20x mdma 20x speed and 5~ shrooms

i am really fucked up. i have intense anxiety(i get like 95 hearbeats couple times a day), i am super social anxious(can't hold a conversation / it's super awkward, scared to go outside) and have "weird" thoughts where i don't know what they do or mean. my face looks really disturbed/psychotic and lately mean. all this when being sober. it all started i believe with a bad mushroom trip(together with weed), which then changed the effect of weed(made it alot more anxiogenic and psychedelic) .... while beeing somewhat "addicted" to weed because i had a flat together with my brother who is are hardcore smoker.

i tried 5~ weeks of a week antipsychotics(amilsulprid), unbearable with the accompanying increasing anhedonia and it doesn't help social anxiety nor did i think it helped.
3~ weeks of a more potent antipsychotic(risperidone), same shit and didn't do shit.

i tried to smoke indica cannabis to calm me down( unfortunately they were too high in thc so it was psydelic and overall not healthy i think).

i tried 5ssri, no help ... bupropion made my symptoms worse. mirtazapine no effect and 8 nightsmares per day.
i tried adderall, it really helps my anhedonia/depression/drive but no decrease in social anxiety or "weird" thoughts

my biggest problems : social anxiety
: anhedonia, feeling super empty ( since 3 years often suicidal)

alot of alcohol intensifies the paranoia.
once i didn't smoke for 9 months and things didn't got better(but i was drinking).

what the best plan to get functional/happy(?) again?

i thought about :

takin a weak antipsychotic for a year.
try weak landrace pure indica strains(bodyhigh).
try a maoi(paranate / nardil).
 
I had a similar experience with weed + hallucinogen about 9 years ago. Sounds like you are somewhere inside a psychosis, and I'm sure you could get some help from psychatric care. I was put on haloperidol when I had a psychosis and after a few months things actually started to clear up, I still take it - have no side effects, none that I noticed anyhow. I am doing much better as long as I stay away from the benzos.
 
You should stop smoking weed, 100%. Weed is making it worse, even pure indica strains are not going to help.
 
I hope that you will also not rule out therapy to help you get some tools to calm your mind. I was able to stop panic attacks (not immediately but over time) using tools I had learned from mindfulness books.This works very well for social anxiety, too. I agree with stopping weed and all drugs (including alcohol) for a while. Let your brain self-heal but get support for it. Also do not underestimate the power of a good diet.
 
Thanks,

so far i am pretty sure meditating made my condition worse. Would you meditate when you are on a bad trip or advise anyone to do so ? probably not....
 
Xorkoth said:
You should stop smoking weed, 100%. Weed is making it worse, even pure indica strains are not going to help.
Click to expand...

You sure? There are ALOT of differences between pure indica strains, some very couchlock, some not. some very psychedelic, some not.

It's not like i am addicted, it just seems like alternative route with no side effects except for the obvious case that symptoms might get worse.
 
rebelmania said:
I had a similar experience with weed + hallucinogen about 9 years ago. Sounds like you are somewhere inside a psychosis, and I'm sure you could get some help from psychatric care. I was put on haloperidol when I had a psychosis and after a few months things actually started to clear up, I still take it - have no side effects, none that I noticed anyhow. I am doing much better as long as I stay away from the benzos.
Click to expand...

I wish you good luck with your recovery.

Could you elaborate on some things? Do you had hallucinations or heard voices? That's the thing, I don't experience that.
 
ohboiii said:
Thanks,

so far i am pretty sure meditating made my condition worse. Would you meditate when you are on a bad trip or advise anyone to do so ? probably not....
Click to expand...

Mindfulness practices are different, but related, to meditation. I don't meditate. I do practice mindfulness.:)
 
CIP= Cannabis induced psychotic
I just read this :

"One report indicates that antipsychotics worsened the condition in some patients.10 Conventional antipsychotics failed to abate the symptoms of CIP in one 20-year old man. Trials of olanzapine, lithium, and haloperidol had little to no effect on his psychosis. Risperidone was tried but elicited temporal lobe epilepsy with auditory, somatic, and olfactory hallucinations. However, the use of valproate sodium markedly improved his symptoms and cognition, returning him to baseline."

I tried risperidone and something similiar to haroperidol too
 
I didn't hallucinate or hear voices, can't recall that anyway. I disconnected from reality, isolated myself, felt totally empty and tried to kill myself while under the influense of benzos. Did have some sort of delusions but can't really remember. It's mostly a big hole for me, a whole month I don't remember - police had been called by a relative and I was sectioned.
 
Hi, is it allowed that i turn this thread into my diary? If not is there a subforum for diaries? Thanks
 
Yes, by all means, turn this into a journal for yourself! People will comment if they see something they relate to, or perhaps to suggest another way you could perceive something or even just to cheer you on. It can be a very good way to stay on top of your emotions as well as keeping a record of your process. Should you feel the need to write more you may want to also explore Blogs (you need 50 posts before you can write a blog).
 
OP, I know how you feel about being super socially awkward. This happened to me after heavy MDMA/psychedelic use in my teens. It will go away. The important thing is getting off all drugs, including weed. Weed IS making it worse. Do you smoke cigarettes? Maybe time to quit those too. I found out when I did quit everything previously mentioned my symptoms went away within a year and I returned to being able to have a normal conversation. It was a long road though I wont lie.

EDIT: Just wanted to add that, in my adult life I have done mdma a handful of times. every time the awkwardness returned for about a week afterwards. Scared me right away.
 
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Pickledlemons said:
OP, I know how you feel about being super socially awkward. This happened to me after heavy MDMA/psychedelic use in my teens. It will go away. The important thing is getting off all drugs, including weed. Weed IS making it worse. Do you smoke cigarettes? Maybe time to quit those too. I found out when I did quit everything previously mentioned my symptoms went away within a year and I returned to being able to have a normal conversation. It was a long road though I wont lie.

EDIT: Just wanted to add that, in my adult life I have done mdma a handful of times. every time the awkwardness returned for about a week afterwards. Scared me right away.
Click to expand...

yes exactly what happend to me.


i am gettin better every second, i tried the parnate(maoi).

30 min after taking it anhedonia/dysphoria disappeard. awkwarndess fully disappeared too. i am still somewhat mean(can't feel happiness for people succedeing, get jealous quite easy etc.. working on it)

isolated,depressed, anxious and empty and suicidally for 6 years just disappeared in one day.

gonna build a new life now!!! (29)
 
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