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When did you know you were addicted? (Meth user here)

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Xperiment626

Greenlighter
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Jan 11, 2018
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Hi all, I'm new here so apologies if I break any rules. I read the forum and site guidelines but am still figuring it out. Long time Bluelight reader, but just joined today. I was reading through the forums and thought this was the most appropriate place to ask this question

I'm currently two months clean from meth, thanks to therapy, my boyfriend and a stable job. This is the longest I've gone without using since I started July 2016. When I used, it was at most a 24-hour binge, and I rarely used more than once a month.

My question for others is, when/how did you know you were addicted? I have cravings right now that I'd rather not cave into, but I guess I'm struggling with whether I'm an addict (which is a term I know has many meanings for different people). In the 18 or so months since my first time, I've only used maybe 24 times, yet I still feel like when I used, I kept craving more and more and it felt unstoppable (which is common for meth). Once I sobered up, though, it was always really easy to not want to use for at least a month.

However, when I told friends I used just a couple times around September 2016, they instantly said I was an addict. So I'm not sure if I believe I'm an addict because I actually am one, or because others instantly labeled me as one.
 
Your mind heats up and the world cools down, you slowly start detaching from your body, mind, than soul to find you're missing portions of your life you used to hold dear. Nights and days will crawl by and maybe one day you'll realize you've been sleeping for months. The insidious part of meth is that addiction occurs more in a manor of which it destroys everything in your life systematically so the only thing that makes sense anymore is the meth. You're not going to be aware of when it becomes an addiction until it's way too late.

I knew I was fucked when I had my first 3 day bendor and I couldn't really feel anymore without being high. Christmas last year is when I began using extremely heavily to just stop feeling like shit all the time, my mind never recoered.
 
Good question, OP. I'm very much in the same boat as you, a couple months clean, binge-type IV user, though i would use weekly if i had the resources.
I feel kind of like you, I don't feel like an addict. However, I think that's a trap that could have me using again.
Maybe eschew lables and realize that, as Cyberius said perfectly, meth will destroy everything in your life.
I'm going to listen to people with years clean.
 
Meth444, I think you're right about eschewing labels. In my case, I think they do more harm than good. That doesn't mean meth is okay for me; it just means the label of addict is probably not perfect for how I see myself, for reasons betond the stigma associated with the term.
 
Xperiment, i also think someone who says you're an addict after 1 use is...moronic. Scare tactics. When a person realizes b.s., they won't know what to believe. Reminds me of Reefer Madness.
 
I used every day heavily for 2 years, because I wanted to. I quit cold turkey 5 months ago haven't had any cravings at all.
 
I was 9. They had just brought me back to life. They stuck a needle in my arm. I remember whatever was in that needle I consciously said, "I don't ever want to feel any other way than this the rest of my life!"
 
I use meth every 2 to 3 months. I started out smoking but now I prefer to slam it. I honestly handle the needle better than the pipe... haven't had one dream about dope waking me up into instant severe cravings since my first shot. It's also easier for me to focus on something other than the dope during my sessions now. Not advising anyone to try IV, it ruins some people. I'm not a full blown addict but I am a polydrug user who has a level of addiction. I believe addiction is a spectrum and what qualifies as addiction varies from person to person. The only reason I believe I'm a little bit of an addict is because I use my infrequent dope sessions as a type of therapy. I shoot dope cause it gives me hope! This is how I know I'm still addicted to some degree, although I'm a hundred times better than I was eight years ago. Also PLEASE don't try the needle if your not okay with sticking to it... it's highly likely it will become the only way you really want to do meff... you may still snort a little or roll a couple of bowls but I'd bet my next dope therapy session you'd hit a vein first.
 
Sometimes I wish I could stop. The fear of getting caught and going to jail scares the hell out of me... but I'm just not ready yet... This is how I KNOW I'm addicted.
 
I knew that I was addicted to meth when I was only going to "try" it for about a week. Then about two months later I was starting to wonder if I was going to quit. Then I realized "fuck I am addicted to meth." I am since clean from meth and now detoxing from heroin! Yay, me!
 
All I can say to you meth users is DO NOT use opiates to get off of stimulants. I became severely dependent and addicted to opiates and it was far worse than my meth addiction ever was. I was binging on meth hardcore too so trust me I have experienced the binges and withdrawals of speed and not crap dope either. I once stayed up for 13 days but I swore it was only 8.. Used to binge 3 days on sleep 1 day rinse and repeat. I was able to sustain that habit pretty easily for about a year until I got tired of living that way and eventually fell out of the lifestyle by taking on an opiate lifestyle. Worst mistake of my life. Opiates took far more from me than meth ever did and I am not encouraging anyone to stay on drugs. I just want to advise people not to make the same mistake I did. If you get off meth don't replace it with pills or heroin it WILL destroy your life I promise you that.
 
JerryBlast said:
All I can say to you meth users is DO NOT use opiates to get off of stimulants. I became severely dependent and addicted to opiates and it was far worse than my meth addiction ever was. I was binging on meth hardcore too so trust me I have experienced the binges and withdrawals of speed and not crap dope either. I once stayed up for 13 days but I swore it was only 8.. Used to binge 3 days on sleep 1 day rinse and repeat. I was able to sustain that habit pretty easily for about a year until I got tired of living that way and eventually fell out of the lifestyle by taking on an opiate lifestyle. Worst mistake of my life. Opiates took far more from me than meth ever did and I am not encouraging anyone to stay on drugs. I just want to advise people not to make the same mistake I did. If you get off meth don't replace it with pills or heroin it WILL destroy your life I promise you that.
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Right on!

Just for shits though, my experience has been the exact opposite. Opiates certainly destroyed my life and almost killed me, but when I got out from under them, I found that "I" was still intact. Everytime I've gotten off meth... There's another piece of me missing.

I've never had a drug effect me so comprehensively, and I've certainly never had a drug cause such insane lifestyle degradation and health issues *so quickly*.

They're both life-ruiners. Wish you the best Jerry, you can get out from under that opiate habit, if I could do it anyone can. Good luck
 
OP, it doesnt sound like you were a true addict. Using once a month reallly isnt very much. Strong urges to take more is normal.

I was the same way with meth. I always used on weekends and it still damaged my life severely. The year before I was an honour student... then when I used meth I just barely passed my classes. It made me a zombie throughout the week.

These days I hate meth, I cant stand it. I find its that way with a lot of people, it just stops working for them after a few years and they move on.
 
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