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Addiction Tightening the Screws

Well I got in with my therapist today, he arranged some homework I can do to help retrain my brain. I'm not getting any crystal meth, the cravings are fully gone and I really don't want to introduce any more neurotoxicity especially while I'm already dealing with a metric ass ton of it.
 
The first year off is bad. After that its easier. Make it through 1 year man. You will see. After that, theres a lot of water under the bridge.

Nothing will be the same, some friends and family are gone but thats just life. More peoplr who dont know what you went through will venture into your life.
 
I imagine, I'm at 5 months, things are still hard but in the grand scheme of things i do feel like things are slowly getting better. Happy to hear you're getting help cy, you've got this man.
 
Good to hear that you're feeling a little better. I was mostly a heroin (and other opiates) user, but I did about a year of serious meth addiction and it did more weird shit to my mind in 6 months than heroin and drugs like it did in 30 years. I went into fullblown amphetamine psychosis and was put into a mental hospital for a week. Probably would have been longer but I didn't have any insurance. I did so much damage to both my mind and body it's still coming up. Hope you keep feeling better, and glad that you have a therapist now. Best wishes!
 
I think if it wasn't for making music I'd have blown my head off years ago passion really is all I have left and thats the only thing that really matters to me anymore
 
Oh hun, Ive been there myself. Its not easy getting your life back on track. Youre an amazing fun guy, drug addiction and recovery happens to a lot of amazing people.


Dont sell yourself short mate.

Xxxxxxx
 
cyberius said:
... passion really is all I have left and thats the only thing that really matters to me anymore
Click to expand...

:)

Admittedly I dont understand meth addiction, experientially or theoretically, but I have experienced addiction and the effects that it has on life.
When I was in it I saw no other way. And once I started to get out of it running back seemed like the easiest means to relief.
I found my time in limbo (wanting out but feeling like I knew no other way) to be the most difficult.
I was angry and bitter and lazy and depressed and anxious.
All I wanted was relief. But it no longer came in instant relief substance form.
I feel like finding this relief was and still is a vital aid to my recovery.

Figuring out (/remembering) what I was passionate about before substances, was difficult and frustrating at times because it had been so long.
And finding the motivation to actually get to these things was no easy task either. But give it time.

These days Im mostly sober but there are days where I still crave intensely (these last 2 days have been challenging) but now I find my relief in the things I used to be passionate about. And with less and less time devoted to addiction Ive even picked up a few interests along the way.

Overcoming addiction is no small task. Even showing an interest in getting clean is more than a lot of people.
Ice Cube said "life aint a track meet, its a marathon" and I think the same can be applied to addiction and recovery.
 
tired of crap said:
:)

Admittedly I dont understand meth addiction, experientially or theoretically, but I have experienced addiction and the effects that it has on life.
When I was in it I saw no other way. And once I started to get out of it running back seemed like the easiest means to relief.
I found my time in limbo (wanting out but feeling like I knew no other way) to be the most difficult.
I was angry and bitter and lazy and depressed and anxious.
All I wanted was relief. But it no longer came in instant relief substance form.
I feel like finding this relief was and still is a vital aid to my recovery.

Figuring out (/remembering) what I was passionate about before substances, was difficult and frustrating at times because it had been so long.
And finding the motivation to actually get to these things was no easy task either. But give it time.

These days Im mostly sober but there are days where I still crave intensely (these last 2 days have been challenging) but now I find my relief in the things I used to be passionate about. And with less and less time devoted to addiction Ive even picked up a few interests along the way.

Overcoming addiction is no small task. Even showing an interest in getting clean is more than a lot of people.
Ice Cube said "life aint a track meet, its a marathon" and I think the same can be applied to addiction and recovery.
Click to expand...

Relief that?s very well put. It?s very hard to leave the house, put down my phone, or do anything strenuous because everything?s a chore nowadays. Meth seems like the only source of a much needed release from the pain and confusion it itself caused

Do I want to get sober? When he?ll freezes over I?ll smoke devil out his icy home. But meth just isn?t viable anymore and I miss it
 
cyberius said:
Relief that?s very well put. It?s very hard to leave the house, put down my phone, or do anything strenuous because everything?s a chore nowadays. Meth seems like the only source of a much needed release from the pain and confusion it itself caused

Do I want to get sober? When he?ll freezes over I?ll smoke devil out his icy home. But meth just isn?t viable anymore and I miss it
Click to expand...

I was the same way and still am some days.

Addiction is such a vicious cycle. All in an attempt to get back to "normal", which is far from it in reality.
Though arguably sober me, isnt exactly "normal" but its usually always better than when Im on a binge. Atleast I can think clearly most days when Im straight haha

Even after being on and off for 2 years now I still miss booze. Most days Im good, it wont cross my mind but others...
I think thats normal though. Hell, I drank for 10 years. It was always there for me when I needed it. It never helped but it was there.
So I think itd be weird if the urge to do something so ingrained just suddenly went away.
I feel like part of addiction, after the physical symptoms of withdrawl are out of the way, is just reprogramming our bodies and minds out of old habits.
But this too takes time.

I found I needed something to occupy the time I previously spent using or I would just waste it way on my phone (here or social media), watching tv, etc.
Even just a short walk, in nature preferably, had positive effects. Its like every little positive thing you builds and builds.
So if you have some time, do something, even if its one small thing for yourself each day. I liked this because that way at the end of I couldnt say I had done nothing haha. I even found personal hygiene rewarding, as lame as that sounds. But some days taking a shower seemed like such a fucking task I wouldnt bother.

If music is your thing man just try and I dunno, produce some small musicy bit to a song each day. (Sorry I dont know much about making music haha)

bptubbs said:
That's psychological addiction to a t my friend.
Click to expand...

For me, labelling myself as an addict was of no benefit.
I feel like it is important to recognize we had/have a problem. But I found when I labelled myself as such I would make poor decisions and justify them "because Im an addict" and thats what I/addicts do. When I was able to stop associating myself as such it became harder and harder to justify my actions. But thats just one aspect of addiction/recovery.
 
Had a panic attack being in public today trying to buy chemistry handbooks because... I really like chemistry... and diy projects

Random women often make really long eye contact with me

I don't got nothin for chu fuckoff srs :sus:

I'm just gonna get do not interact tattooed on my forehead so people know to stay far away.

It's dawned on me that my social skills are degenerating with my ability to leave the comfort zone of my own mind. And if any woman around me is laughing I immediately assume it must be me because I'm a meth addict spaghetti wizard
 
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Today I dont want to do anything. I think at home im no longer unconfortable 24/7 but I get severely depressed thinking of doing anything requiring sustained concentration in the face of adversity.

I don't want to go back to working because chances are im gonna get hella drugs, act hella stupid, and kick my life around like a soccarball some more
 
yo sober life mods will you change this thread to Tightening the screws
 
Changing thread title is too much work man. I'm glad you had a good bike ride though
 
Last night I woke up to feeling a phantom ego die . Over every real sense was an uncertain identity feeling everything independantly from myself. It occured as if I was physically two different viewpoints at once constantly grating agaist themselves for my attention. I was dreaming I had a heart attack at rehab surrounded by all my negative memories and awful people and feelings. I woke up with Very real chest pains and shortness of breath but I slowly realized it was a phantom pain, and that I belong to my body now.

Do you guys think I would gone into a coma that night I OD'd but I was so fucking stubborn and hard minded I willed myself into surviving? My guts vibin with this, that I made a very difficult and painful decision to remain conscious if it meant I got to stay alive, even if it meant living with severe brain damage. I felt the most severe pain that night seeing mu vision replaced with darkness and fractals but I clung to imagining myself laying in bed getting my mind shred to pieces as if life had beeb a dream, a nightmare.
 
cyberius said:
Had a panic attack being in public today trying to buy chemistry handbooks because... I really like chemistry... and diy projects

Random women often make really long eye contact with me

I don't got nothin for chu fuckoff srs :sus:

I'm just gonna get do not interact tattooed on my forehead so people know to stay far away.

It's dawned on me that my social skills are degenerating with my ability to leave the comfort zone of my own mind. And if any woman around me is laughing I immediately assume it must be me because I'm a meth addict spaghetti wizard
Click to expand...

meth tends to make some people really sensitive to social situations

it did the opposite for me, everyone's different

likely it will take a while to counter what seem like intuitive thoughts/instincts to stay away from other people
 
cj said:
Changing thread title is too much work man.
Click to expand...

look at main listing of threads for sober living on a desktop computer, then double click the thread, and you should be able to change the title.

P.S. I already did that for this thread ;)
 
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