Getting on the dating wagon after thirteen years?

[Dante]

In 2005 I started a long term relationship with an old friend.
In 2013 we got engaged.
In 2015 she fucked a workmate the same night I was almost admitted to the psych ward for the worst depressive episode I’d ever experienced.
I ended the relationship the next day when I found out.

...and now here we are in 2018. I’ve found it near impossible to get into dating... never really done it before and given I’m now 34, it feels like a waste of time. All the cool chicks are already with people and Tinder seems pointless.

Any ideas/thoughts?

 

[JahSEEuS]

You're in the right place. I found the love of my life in the lounge when I was 31.

I too found it difficult to date or find anyone IRL. Tinder/bumble aren't exactly relationship making material, but you never know.

Meeting girls at bars never seemed like a good idea and only led to one night stands.

Going to shows most ppl are with their own friend groups / significant others. Most ppl are in committed relationships by this age or have serious baggage (see, kids).

Just get out there and be yourself, it will come when you least expect it ime

 

[SamanthaB]

Hi,

I have been divorced for 7 years and can honestly say that it is brutal out there trying to find someone. But, for some period of additional time, I will continue to look online or wherever. I have to say, however, that I am slowly getting sick of the whole process and not going to be renewing my online dating site subscriptions again. You are much younger than I am, and I have friends your age that have met a lot of really nice people on Match.com. However, they have a lot of fake profiles on that site and a lot of scammers, so you have to be careful. In addition, I do think you just have to get out there and go places and do lots of things, even if you are by yourself. You never know who you will meet. And, don't rule out bars where you can also eat dinner. Not everyone there is bad news.

 

[Stargazer]

Hi Dante!

I imagine the prospect of dating is daunting. I am married and have been for awhile. I do remember dating very well though and never loved it.

However. If you truly want to meet someone, you need to get out there. How about getting involved doing something you really like to do-be it a cooking class, rockclimbing ...whatever and meeting someone that shares your interest. I know that's a long time suggestion -nevertheless it's a good one.

It's going to take a little effort but it sure as hell is possible! Do self-improvement type things that boost self-esteem. Confidence is always an attractive quality.

Samantha, I've read many of your posts and your're a an interesting, intelligent woman that a man would be fortunate to have.

And yes- don't rule out certain bars as Samantha said. The nice ones you can also eat at would be a good place to meet others trying to do the same as you.

Don't get discouraged ( easier said than done. I remember!! ) Be yourselves

 

[SamanthaB]

Thank you 10YearsGone. That is very nice of you to say.

I sure hope it will happen for me sometime again before I die. I would like to have a partner, maybe not 24/7, but never say never about that or anything else in this life. Each relationship is different, and I have learned that you cannot know how one will shake out until you get to know the other person. I do know from those relationships that I have had since I have been single, that what you say you would never do or consider, you may end up considering as well as doing if you live long enough, lol.

 

[Stargazer]

You know Samantha-part time sounds ideal to me. And Amen to never saying never lol! That's one of my mantras.

I have said if I have to do it over - I don't want to get married or live with a man. It honestly is alot of work. We wear many hats as a wife. Sister, mother, lover, nurse, therapist, cheerleader, bestfriend, prostitute, maid, chef, etc.

I believe I would enjoy my husband more and resent him alot less if we didn't live together. I love him dearly but as any longtime married person knows-its not easy. And I know its not easy for him either. I think we'd be wildly in love if we didn't live together.

I don't know- it's just a thought.

 

[SamanthaB]

Hi TenYearsGone,

AMEN!!!!

You know I read a great survey recently that said that married people that live apart a lot of the time and single people that only live together part-time and have their own houses are the happiest couples. I think that should tell us all something, huh?

 

[herbavore]

I always think the best way to meet someone is to be doing something that you love, something that interests you, that will expose you to other people that have the same interest. Don't go into it looking for a mate, go into it looking to do something you are genuinely interested in. The more you fill your life with activities that you like (that include being with others obviously), the more chances you have to feel that spark with someone similar. Then again, my husband (of 32 years) and I met having an argument over whether or not he had a Detroit accent so you never know.....

And @ Samantha: I'm a big believer in that study. For the first 6 years we were together but not married we each had our own little cottages in a part of the country where it is hard to even rent a room by yourself. We both loved our places and were loathe to give them up so we kept them until we finally realized we were spending every single night together anyway. Now I spend lots of time traveling apart from my husband and we both appreciate the independence as well as the alone time. My ideal was always Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera. They built two houses/studios that were joined by a hallway that could be locked from the inside on either end. Sounds ideal to me! I love my husband but I love being alone as well.

 

[Dante]

Most people going out to clubs to listen to techno and house these days aren't 34 unfortunately. I don't really love much else to be honest except playing video games like an antisocial bastard.

Meh fuck it, I'ma grab another beer

 

[tathra]

You're in the right place.

can confirm this. i've dated and loved a lot of women over the years that i met through bluelight, in the lounge; kind of working on another one right now. bl is pretty much the only successful dating site i've ever found, and havent really had success with anything else.

 

[JahSEEuS]

Most people going out to clubs to listen to techno and house these days aren't 34 unfortunately. I don't really love much else to be honest except playing video games like an antisocial bastard.

Meh fuck it, I'ma grab another beer

Come to Buffalo/Rochester

Vibrant techno/house scene with many mid 20's to 40's in "the scene"