• TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Used Heroin and Fentanyl and Getting back on SUBS

Hi guys! Day 11. Still having some GI issues, but everything else is fine. Of course I've been taking quit a bit of gabapentin. I'm scared to go completely sober until the GI stuff is done. I wouldn't recommend to anyone to do the route I did with subs for the first week. It only seemed to delay the wds.

Christopher: your story is something! You should write a book. You've over come alot and are still fighting a good fight!

Jason: What's your status? Doing ok? How's the business? How's the family?

Girl: We have so much in common, and I keep trying to talk to you here on this thread, but it doesn't seem like you are very intetrsted. Too bad. I think we could really help each other.

One Love Everyone!
 
I remember reading somewhere that when you're brain is flooded with happy neurotransmitters, some of the receptors die off, so when you stop flooding your brain, there are far less happy connections,( seritonin, dopamine, etc). I,m sure that's a big reason for anxiety and depression. Plus, you have to deal with all the stupid and desperate shit you've done for drugs. The good news is that the receptors can rebuild themselves. Bad news is that it takes awhile. Of course you can expedite it with exercise and proper vitamins. God damn healthy life style. Ugh!
 
Hey tiff, Ive read that when we use dope for a long time we grow extra receptors because of the flood of dopamine and crap it has to go somewhere. So when we stop, our bodies can’t fill the new ones because we can only create so much happy chemicals naturally. After a while of being clean, the new ones die off and we slowly become back to normal.
If u click on thatgirls profile it will show u the last time she has logged on. I’ve got a feeling she hasn’t logged in in a bit.
today we are going to go see my younger brother and his kids. We both have two girls very close in age. Mine are six and ten. His four and eight. Sister has two girls 6&11. He’s lucky to be alive. That’s part of the beginning of my struggles w dope. He was in a VERY bad accident February 16 2015. Had his skull bashed in and was in a coma for 6 months with zero brain activity. Me and my dad went in to see him that first night it happened. Dad took one look at his son and had a heart attack right then and there. So my two best friends were on life support in next door rooms on an average Thursday eve.
it was too much for me to handle and I made a phone call I wish I never did.
Prayer saved my brothers life. He had to learn to talk, walk everything all over again. Lost his 350k a year career, his wife, (who did this to him) etc... He’s different now a little but he’s here. Dad never totally recovered and died almost three years later to the day of Johns accident. The night that happened my life changed. Guess there was a reason it all happened. Idk. I’m rambling, sorry. I don’t usually spill my guts. Lol
your doing great. The gi stuff takes a minute.
when using subs short term like you did, I started with a large dose that made me feel a lil better, used on top of it a bit, then tapered down very very low. Then skipped days then skipped two..... idk if u did that but your doing great and keep it up. U sleeping any? That’s important to sleep. If you can’t sleep, One word, Seroquil.
Wusup j??? Another new day to kick ass!!
hope your doing well. Let these folks know how your doin.
much love guys!!
chris
 
Newbie here too. I was on 100mg+oxycodone a day. Hit a ceiling where no matter how much I took it wouldn't get me high. Started drug treatment today and I was given 4mg suboxone. Not sure what to expect. Hate being sick! Just like everyone. Want to avoid it at all costs. I'm looking for recovery resources. I'm an atheist and can't stand the religious rhetoric in AA and NA meetings. Any suggestions?
 
Hi everyone. Welcome Baltimore! What the hell happened to Jason? I'm hoping he's doing so well with recovery that he's too busy running a super successful business and spending time with family that he doesn't have time for us anymore. How are Chris and Girl? I'm doing so so. Still off fentanyl (day 15) but I went on a crack bender this last weekend, which I haven't done in like 15 years. It was only two days, and I definitely can't afford it for more than that, I just hope it didn't fuck up my brain healing.

Baltimore, I am trying to heal myself with a more science-based mindset, so I hope I can help you a bit. Do you have any specific questions? I can tell you that everyone I know that has been on subs for more than a couple weeks has not been able to get off of them. I'm sure you didn't want to hear that, but I'm affraid it's true. I hope the best for you, and hit me up with specific questions whenever you'd like.
 
Well im back and let me say feel free to use this thread in any way that helps you... im glad to see other people use it! That being said i was doing well for 2 weeks and again i messed up. I was too cocky went to my drs and found a "new" dealer ... so im like 10 days into a pretty bad habit again. All i can do is keep fighting and keep getting up ...not sure what else tosay ...feeling depressed but that is par for the course..heres to inducting yet again...
 
I’m right there with you j!!!!
think man, if we did so good once. We can do it again.
Fuck I can’t believe I fucked up again.
i had this shit whipped and now I’m back to square one I feel like. I guess I’ve been on for two weeks now. Idk how bad it will be but it’s gotta be done and this time with no support from my family. They can’t know this time. I’m so scared I throw up regularly.
I fucking hate addiction!!!!!’
 
Today i took 6mg if subs and didnt get pws!!! I think this new dealers dope is less fent (or more fent still not sure on that) anyways im here and ready to start over again. Im optimistic again and ready to do this...i cant afford this any more and i hope everyone is doing great!! Seriously this might be my 20th time but what's the alternative? Stop trying? Hell no i remember last time it was like this too....

I mean that i had to keep trying until it clicked... how is everyone here? Beenbetter man u have been an amazing friend thru this!!

Also tiffany and thatgirl how goes the battle?
 
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Never stop trying! When you stop trying, you fail... if you keep trying you can succeed. :) Opiates are tough, but people can and do get past them. I did... I still have dreams about them sometimes, but the dreams are always just me feeling guilty for having been chipping and knowing I am going to start withdrawing and I wake up from them like FUCK YES IT WAS JUST A DREAM! Makes me want them even less.
 
People fail to realize when they're on Suboxone that sure, you can eventually bust through it and they keep taking their Subuxone thinking they just won't get sick, but then they don't understand why no matter how much sub they take, they don't get any better anymore. It's because the sub has taken all the receptors it can. The Fent/H has taken the rest of them. Sure, you won't go into precipitated withdrawal if you keep the sub in your system, but it won't be that miracle that stops the withdrawal either. I learned that the hard way when I found out how to bust through as well. So IF you're going to use, might as well get off the Suboxone and save your money. It's just costing you more dope. I just went through my third withdrawal. Been on Suboxone for two years (or more?) I came from 2 years of Methadone treatment at 160mg daily, because I didn't like being a slave to the clinic and I couldn't get take homes being prescribed Xanax. I'm still a little depressed from my dopamine being depleted, but instead of using just think... one day closer... one day closer... one day closer...

I will share more about myself shortly. I just introduced myself briefly in the introduction thread. I have to cook dinner. BBL. Stay clean for you first, your families second. You have to be able to look that person in the mirror right back in the eye.
 
Also, Vivotrol sounds like the most evil thing I've ever heard. Read more about it. Do you really want something blocking all your endorphins? I want to keep my reward system so I can enjoy the simple things in life. Your reward system needs to relearn the natural new rewards, not make you a mindless emotional zombie. That's my two cents. Australia makes it and won't even use it on there own people!
 
This is such a great thread! I read the whole thing. Took a cpl hrs but it was worth it. I feel every bit of struggle. I am trying to get off dope. I was on subs for about a year and I went on a run for a month. Lost over 5k. Now I'm broke and can't get off this shit! I'm trying to make money by going into work but I can't do it sick! I have.to work this wknd so I gotta get more dope?. I hate being stuck in this cycle. I keep trying to take the week off so I can kick amd them I just dont. But now I'm completely broke. I got enough to get a bun tmrw and hope I can use less daily so my detox isnt as bad...but like a lot of you I've fucked up the ability of the subs to work. In the good old days I'd go to rehab and they'd give me that little 2mg dose and I'd be high! Now it just barely takes the edge off. I still cant sleep and like so many of you that is what drives me crazy. I'll lay down and I'm so tired but as soon as my mind attempts to drift off into that blissful sleep BAM I'm jolted by that spark that flings my whole body right back awake and it's so painful and horrible. But the only way to get thru it is to go thru it...I gotta do it right when I have days off. I fucked up so bad this time. I talked to my mom today and tried to reassure her everything is o.k. but she can tell somethings off. I feel really horrible the depression is almost unbearable. I tried to get on subs last week and I made it like two days before I got dope because I just wanted my body to be able to relax. There's just no way to do it but go thru it. I take gabs also I LOVE them but I'm scared to think about how it will feel to come off those...I've been on them for years. I've played everything out. I can relate so much to what you guys are saying about this stuff just doesn't work anymore. I was clean on subs for a yr and had so much going for me and I lost it all. I gotta get clean this wk or I'm going to jail. I'm so close to being really screwed. Over the past yr I had money which made me happy but my job requires me to look my best and sell the way I look. And inside its making me feel old and not good enough. That may be why I found myself getting high again. But I need the money. I don't know what im gonna do but I do know I have to get back on subs. I'd really appreciate any support from u guys y all seem really awesome and that u understand where I'm at. I gotta do this and I want to talk about it along the way. I love BL and I really love this thread
Thank u to everyone for being so open and honest.
 
Woke up and took 8 mg of subs and feel pretty good. My only explanation is this new dealers dope was cut differently or something not really sure. Friday used to be my quitting day (typicallybecuz i ran out of money) but ifeel alot better.

Sleep? Not so much but ill be ok. The bigger thing is im not obsessing over getting more dope. In fact i know if i had 2 grams right now i would not feel a thi g from it (even a little subs blocks me big time)

At any rate im grateful today for my family, my job (ok so my biz may have to close but im ok with that its so f-ing stressful) and this amazin bl community. There were times i was refreshing page to see if anyone commented ...so heres to another day of not picking up!

Mollie thanks for your post and kind words! Im on day 3 and i feel pretty good (not lying in bed writhing in agony anymore!) I took 8 mg of sub this morning and i feel allright. If you read this thread youll see how many times ive tried toget back on subs so i definitely understand that feeling. Will subs work the way they used to? I have to believe it might take some time but i also have to believe they can work again for you and I it might just take a month or so. So please coming back- we are better together!

F society i totally agree with you about the vivitrol but whatever works i guess. Please share your story id love to hear it.

Xor thanks for the encouragement man!! And its good to know this can be done!
 
Good for you Jd,

You are doing so well and really have your head screwed on straight. Keep up all your awesome work, proud of you and I truly wish you the best!!

Here for you anytime,

Your friend,
Ashley.
 
It sounds like your a 23%er . That's the percentage of people on opiates that have a very very hard time with cravings. I console with you because at one time I was in a similar situation. This was pre suboxone time. I went to a methadone clinic and got right in . This was also the era that the clinics would just give to anybody and you could walk out the door . Times have changed because of all the methadone users taking benzos to boost their high . I took methadone for 18 years . Today I. 10days off methadone. I've matured a lot since then and learned to cope with cravings better. Once you get stable on something you can work on your cravings and teach you self control. You can do this . I believe in you.
 
Hey Jd, its "Thatgirl" I can't remember my login crap and gave up.
Well... I got on subs started my new job was doing amazing. Went on vacation ad it was like a spark went off from being stressed and the moment the plane landed I headed to my dealers. Tried last week to go 24 hours before taking subs...I went 30 hours and took 2 mg and immediately went into PWD. But I got another connect with what seems like pure pure H. Hurricane is almost here.....so no other choice than do ride this out until I can take my sub.
Man, I was doing so good. Was like reallyhappy. Up every morning working out before work, pushing thru it all. All it took was "vacation" with inlaws running after a toddler by myself for me to crave something. Fucking idiot
 
Im back!! So i am on 80 mg of mdone and in a much better place emotionally. I was so sick for so long with the subs that I was losing my mind over and over again... use fent take sub get sick fight throughit for 4-6 days use fent again and repeat over and over. I gained a bunch of weight and i now take a ton of naps daily (I couldnt stand naps before what a waste of time i thought)...covid hit and saved my company as uncle same gave me a close to 6 digit loan my company doesnt make as much before bur thats ok. I love my family and my kids are my world. I still chip alot but hey no ones perfect!
 
Im back!! So i am on 80 mg of mdone and in a much better place emotionally. I was so sick for so long with the subs that I was losing my mind over and over again... use fent take sub get sick fight throughit for 4-6 days use fent again and repeat over and over. I gained a bunch of weight and i now take a ton of naps daily (I couldnt stand naps before what a waste of time i thought)...covid hit and saved my company as uncle same gave me a close to 6 digit loan my company doesnt make as much before bur thats ok. I love my family and my kids are my world. I still chip alot but hey no ones perfect!
Hello JD. I'm really glad you're doing better. Recently, a friend of mine died from an OD - he fought really hard, and I think he gave up in the end, we're not entirely sure. After that I went a lot on the internet, trying to understand how my friend must have felt. Your thread was the first thing I've read on Bluelight, I couldn't stop reading it. I just want you to know I'm really rooting for you. Stay strong, man
 
Here I am again...December Flower if my story has helped you in any waythen that has made this all worth it. I am on methadone 100mg and I think I am ready to stop "chipping" ... who am I kidding i never really stopped using it just got easier to hide as I was on the clinic so not as desperate and I met a dealer in clinic who sells for 1k a month. I was paying 1k a week so I am lucky that I can easily buy it and still pay bills and save money i e I can easily hide it.


BUT ((you had to know that was coming) my kids are getting older and wiser and recently I ve been ODing on the laxative cut. It hapoens every weekend for past 6 week. I throw up violently and my stomach puts an awful tast in my mouth for 2 days.

Obviously I can't afford to be sick 1-2 days every week and it cant be healthy what its doing to my body. ALL OF THIS TO SAY i am done with fent. I never liked it much anyway but it kept me well enough to be productive. I am ready to give it up. I have 20 hours (I have used every morning since 2018 and not using was weird) but I am glad I keep getting sick because I know this is what I need to stop. Im the type the only way ill quit is uf I have to...and I have to. I will try to update page and respond as much as possible as I cant share this info with anyone else. Here we go again!!!
 
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