• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Used Heroin and Fentanyl and Getting back on SUBS

I actually feel pretty good today ive taken 4 mg so far....should i take more? Any help would be appreciated!!
 
Idk man. I am in the EXACT same place. Can?t get stable on subs. When I used to take them they were a godsend. I got off them, stayed clean a number of years now I am worse off than ever. I?m too scared to take too much subs because of the last detox off them I was only on 1 mg and it was hell. I guess we just gotta push???? Fuck if I know. This is discouraging tho.
 
Well as they say misery loves company!!!i i felt the same way- I used to take them and they did wonders now i just want to maintain on them. I have to believe its possible to get back on them (tho i might be delusional hahaha) Honestly just hearing that someone else is going through this helps becuz it takes away some of the loneliness of the addiction. Are you trying to induce on subs again? If so how much r u taking?
 
You can do this! How are you? I never ever thought I could get off anything. Then one day I called someone and told them I needed help. They found a detox close to my home and I was there for only 2 1/2 days. I checked out early because I felt I could do it. It has been hard some days. And my anxiety is crazy. But I stress out over things I put myself in and they are stressful anyway. Please message me if you have any questions. I will help you the best way I know how. I am a baby when it comes to not feeling 100%! I’ll give you my number and you can text me whenever! I just want to help someone that is ready to get better. I know what I feel now is real. I look back and I have no idea who I was for the last 5 1/2 years. I thought and acted ridiculous! Nothing I said made sense. Really, I don’t remember too much. Now that I have a clear mind I can think like an adult. The only thing I have really had a very hard time with is anxiety and it is only because of the situation I put myself through. If you just keep your life simple and not to decide to make major life changes like I did (example: I sold my house because everyday I’d look in every corner, and in drawers for dope and I thought selling a house would be easy) you’ll be fine. Just try and keep things simple. Pray when you don’t even know who or what to pray for. Just pray. And try to do only your best not perfection everyday! I can tell you want to be sober really bad. You sound like me before I decided I needed to quit before I wasted my life and families life. I was never there completely for my children for 5 years. I think I would never be able to get sober if I wanted around until they were older to get sober because the guilt and shame would be too much to bare. I have a lot of guilt now but I’m just thankful that I didn’t waste another year of their life or mine on something that was hurting everyone. I know what you’re afraid of and I know it’s so hard. You have gotten sober before and you know you can get sober again because you’ve done it before. I believe in you and I want to help if I can!
 
Thank you kristi very much!! Your post brought me to tears and it reminds me of something i guess ive lost sight of -that I can do this- its also good to know someone cares as addiction is so lonely (as im sure you know)....i will definitely message you (once i figure out how) thanks again for offering your kind words and encouragement!!!!
 
JDGRAMZ said:
I actually feel pretty good today ive taken 4 mg so far....should i take more? Any help would be appreciated!!
Click to expand...

If you are still feeling good, then go with it. No more dope/fent. Should u start feeling like crap, take more sub. You can and will get stable... you may need a higher dose at first, but by constantly going back and forth with your 2 grams a day, you're just not letting the medicine do what it's designed to do.

Be strong, hang in there.
 
In my experience with sub, the thought of taking more would come on because I wasn't high, just normal, undopesick if you will. This is all about saving your family and business and in the end, your life. It's not about getting high. This is why you are here, on BL, trying to find a solution and not homeless alongside your junkie dealer "friend."

If you are feeling OK, that's a good thing, keep doing what you're doing in terms of sub dosage. Get stable again, and go from there. Wishing you the best. I'm on Day 5 of no sub, of course I want my DOC, but I'm not going there. Once you get stable on subs, kratom may be helpful in getting a little "relief", in the name of harm reduction.
 
I?ve been trying for a couple months really to get stable on subs. Always end up using on top of my subs. I?m so sleepy but can?t sleep. Anxiety and depression so bad I?m starting to get scared. Idk what to do. Trying keep at around 4 mgs. Probably going to have to go up though for a while if I want to stay off the crap.
 
Thank you so much for your response and for that sobering reminder...your response means so much to me! And you are right I am not feeling high just normal (minus sleeping at night of course). Its not about getting high uts about saving my family and life. Thank you again i feel better today and will just use subs at this point...
 
You are also having sleeping issues jd?
What have u done to combat the problem? I finally fell asleep at 7am this morning for two hrs. This is nuts!!
I?m feeling like failing right about now. The no sleep is what will break me and make me crazy.
 
Do you have access to a dr? Personally i have a few clonidine, klonopin, and a few gabapentins but am trying not to take them. That being said, kpins didnt help last night and i really dont want to get addicted to those again. I feel for you i wish i had better advice...hang in there - we can share the misery!!
 
JDGRAMZ said:
Thank you so much for your response and for that sobering reminder...your response means so much to me! And you are right I am not feeling high just normal (minus sleeping at night of course). Its not about getting high uts about saving my family and life. Thank you again i feel better today and will just use subs at this point...
Click to expand...

Great. We need to remind ourselves: when in active addiction, we lose what normal is, as we're constantly either high or in WD. Glad you are feeling better. I'm on Day 6 no subs, and my wife just flushed my remaining stash... of course, feeling somewhat rough, maybe that's in my head, but I am determined to not get more subs or oxy. I have kratom as a safety net. I just took a little bit to take the edge off, but I'm not going to be too hard on myself. And neither should any of us when our plans take twists and turns.
 
I am still here...kind of depressed over what this last run will cost me. As I mentioned in my first post, my life required me to be very high functioning so the fact that for the last 6 to 10 months I havent been is really fucking with me. My company is on its way down but I could probably save it if I had more energy/sleep. We were hoping to save for a house (you can imagine where all that money went). I never cared much for material things but today Im dissappointed in myself and I am feeling like I have lost my ability to function at the same level I did before. On a plus note my classes are going well and my students seem to enjoy it however that income only lasts so long... I guess Im kind of angry today at myself...i already texted the dopeman but hes usually not around on saturdays which I am really counting on today (that he wont be around and tomorrow im working all day)....all i can think of is my family and how they should have a nice house, new clothes, and good schools but unfortunately their Dad is a junky too self absorbed in his own pity to give a damn about anyone else...sorry for venting but im starting to feel the depression part of this . I dont get it - I maintained sobriety for like 7 years and now I feel like i am back to day one (and thats with suboxone)...this sux "damned if I do, damned if I dont" sort of idea...
 
I hope that you will be able to push through the depression thoughts to the deeper level that you need to address. You can ask yourself, "Where can this disappointment lead me? Can it have a positive outcome or will it lead me further undermine my faith in my own capabilities?" What if one of your children lost faith in his or her self? What would you do to try to help rebuild confidence? You can do these same things for yourself. Forgiveness, unconditional love, acceptance of human frailty and finally recommitting every day to encourage yourself--these are the ways forward.
 
I messed up but not going to let that throw me off...getting back up setting stricter parameters and accountability so this does not happen again. Disappointed but like you said herbavore i will find a way to turn it around- thanks for posting and I love the advice about my own kids and approach. Thanks for being there!!
 
Day 1 on subs again...I am starting to think theres only one way out of this which is unfortunate but such is life. I cant seem to stay sober (suboxone does not work any more) on the other hand i can't seem to keep using (i know one day my dealer wil be away or not answer and then what...ill have to go thru it again). I cant get comfortable or motivated only dope/fent seems to do it.
 
Day 2 feel so out of place and all wound up on suboxone. Have a huge lecture tomorrow that people paid alot to come see on dope I kill it but without it kills me. We will see how it goes...anyways i realized how silly it is i use give good speech and then monday what do i do...i use again because i have to teach ...same thing tuesday, Wednesday, thursday. And at right about friday i will be quitting again until next saturday when i have to pep talk workers...i am so sick of this bull shit i use in order to make a living but i make a living in order to use and I always end up losing on the deal...oh well this time i will stick it put.
 
When I read your posts I'm always thinking about my week on ADD drugs and how I was superwoman. But how crazy is it that I could get so much done, be so focused and laser sharp--all from a pill! Thankfully at the time I was my own boss otherwise I wonder if I would have been tempted into thinking "I have to perform at this level" in order to be good at my work. To me it felt uncomfortable--sort of like I imagine I would feel if I ever succumbed to the temptation (and had the money to succumb=D) to plastic surgery to mask my age--sure I might look more pleasing on the outside but I know it would only feed into feelings of unworthiness inside. So not worth the trade-off for me. I won't go so far as to say it made me feel dishonest about myself but it did make me feel that it would lead to not accepting who I really am. I have always wondered about this when I hear people on BL say that "my DOC makes me feel like myself". How can that be? You are yourself without it and you are your altered self with it.

Do you think that CBT would be able to help with how trapped you feel by this loop?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top