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I really should be tapering

Wow, what a messed up system. Sorry you gotta deal with all of that, I hope things work out for the better, esp being able to continue to take maintenance meds. Hoping you find someone to fight for your side.
 
LopLover said:
cj, that totally sucks. I read an article the other day that explained the system you're stuck in right now. They called it "debtor's prison," and explained to your average joe how they screw over working poor and even middle class people by turning over fine collection to private companies that then have the power to put you in jail for not making your fine payments on time. They can actually charge you with contempt of court, an entirely separate charge, based on a report from the private, for-profit collection company that you are behind on your fines. Which then means that, if you have a job, you lose it, and in your case, you could actually die, because frankly, cold turkey from any dose of methadone over about 60-75 mg is dangerous. And I know how jails treat methadone clients--been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. If your parents will help you pay for a real attorney, that's my recommendation. The difference in the way the court treats you if you come with a private attorney is 180 degrees different than if you have a public defender. That PD is being paid by the same people who want to put you in jail, and they will sell you up the river so fast it'll make your head spin. Been there as well... ~namaste & best wishes~
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Yeah the contempt of court is exactly what they tried to do to me for falling behind on my fines it's bullshit. Luckily my parents stepped up and paid them for me. Blood money for real.

I'm terrified of kicking in jail for the reason you stated. I'm still having trouble because I can't piss on command.

I'm going to start tapering tommorow. 10mg a week. Hopefully it works out
 
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How's that first day going cj?

10mg/week is pretty fast, but I met more than a few people who were able to get under 100mg going at that rate pretty comfortably. Is the goal to get down 80mg right now and then revaluate?

It sounds horrible to be in this position, where you're really concerned about the possibility of having to go to jail while taking methadone. Maybe you can use it as motivation (like it sound you have) to see what significantly trying to reduce your dose might be like, or what coming off is like if god forbid you have to deal with that.

Regarding the comfort meds, so even if you doctor specifically prescribed you something like clonazepam and informed your clinic doctor about this, they wouldn't taper you? Even with the situation with probation?

I find it hard to believe they'd pop you for probation for taking a legally and appropriately prescribed medication being taken (more or less) as instructed. I mean, I guess there are other issues, but still...

Clearly I'm not vary familiar with AL.
 
Hey CJ, tapering sounds like a good idea man, i think the most important thing here is you, i want you to want yourself to feel comfortable. To the point where you wont have to go back to the darkside of the west-end.

I really think it's good that you want to, and maybe try finding some type of selfhelp,hell it could even be boxing lessons.
 
My doctor won't prescribe a benzo because I have a history of benzo addiction. Currently my plan is to start tapering using my Saturday and Sunday takehomes that'll allow me to drop 5mg the first 2 days at 145 then down to 140 on Monday.

The issue with probation isn't really with the methodone necessarily. It's like my ptsd is making it very difficult/impossible to drop urine the way I'm required. There very strict about how you do it. Like you have 3 minutes and it has to be all in one stream of urine you have to be standing up and you can only try twice. I just can't comply no matter how bad I want too and god do I want too. I would do anything to stay on methodone but I just can't make myself go. It's fucking stupid and I hate it but it's the reality of the situation. So I'll likely have a warrant after February 10 when im supposed to meet with my cro. The current plan is too taper as much as possible then go to detox/rehab to finish getting off. Then turn myself in and hopefully just serve my suspended sentence which isn't very long at all. I just fear for my safety kicking a huge methodone habit in jail.

So yeah the current goal is too get as far down as possible then go to detox before I end up in jail. I'm so dreading this. I'm not good at dealing with withdrawal. I'm ultimately worried that I'm going to relapse and end up in a worse position.
 
cj, you have given me more education about the horrible realities of methadone clinics/probation and their ridiculous rules--but each time I "learn" something I feel so sad because you are living it while I sit here learning it. I hope this isn't a stupid question to ask but would a letter from a psychologist do anything to make them allow you some leeway when peeing? Aaaaargh! This makes me so frustrated and so ashamed of my country.:(
 
herbavore said:
cj, you have given me more education about the horrible realities of methadone clinics/probation and their ridiculous rules--but each time I "learn" something I feel so sad because you are living it while I sit here learning it. I hope this isn't a stupid question to ask but would a letter from a psychologist do anything to make them allow you some leeway when peeing? Aaaaargh! This makes me so frustrated and so ashamed of my country.:(
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Nah the only option the cro gave was if I could get a court order to be able to sit while try and pee in the cup. Sitting is the only accommodation I asked for but they won't even do that. When I asked my lawyer about getting a court order he litterally laughed in my face. Basically everyone thinks I'm trying to play the system or something.

The outside the box option I'm thinking of is going to the hospital saying I can't pee and get a catheter. That would temporarily solve the problem but it's drastic as hell.

The worst thing about the situation is that it's putting my recovery in jeopardy. I started having cravings for the first time in a while. I had a using dream last night even. I feel like if I'm going to jail or rehab anyway I may as well earn it.

I don't know what I'm going to do. To top it off I think I'm coming down with the flu...... I appreciate everyone's support it really helps to know people are in my corner. It seems like everyone irl is finished with me
 
Guys I'm really struggling. I don't think I'm strong enough to do this.
 
Cj,

I dont know how this system of drug testing works but is there a blood test alternative? Can you ask for this as its going to be even better than urine analysis but not as easy as a dip stick in urine for them. Maybe its extra cost but worth it?

Surely theres got to be a way.

Blokes are a bit funny with pissing at times. I had to help my mate dextermeth piss when I first met him and that was an odd way to meet but whatever.

As for the fine, this is installments right? They probably prefer the money so instead of missing one totally just pay anything and keep re negotiating.


Im out of ideas urine test wise but sometimes it helps people nervous if they have their eyes covered and humm under their breath.

Tea makes me piss.

Mate Im giving this bl thing a miss for my own health reasons. Some of the forums anyway. I want to encourage you to not give up. I wish you the best. Youre a fucking good kid. One step at a time.

Drug screens are just seen as depositing piss in a cup and any problem with that is trying to dodge. If you walked up to a guy and stopped them tandomly demanding they drop their clothes and piss immediately in a cup with some weirdo microscoping you Id bet they would not be able to just casually do it.
 
zephyr said:
Cj,

I dont know how this system of drug testing works but is there a blood test alternative? Can you ask for this as its going to be even better than urine analysis but not as easy as a dip stick in urine for them. Maybe its extra cost but worth it?

Surely theres got to be a way.

Blokes are a bit funny with pissing at times. I had to help my mate dextermeth piss when I first met him and that was an odd way to meet but whatever.

As for the fine, this is installments right? They probably prefer the money so instead of missing one totally just pay anything and keep re negotiating.


Im out of ideas urine test wise but sometimes it helps people nervous if they have their eyes covered and humm under their breath.

Tea makes me piss.

Mate Im giving this bl thing a miss for my own health reasons. Some of the forums anyway. I want to encourage you to not give up. I wish you the best. Youre a fucking good kid. One step at a time.

Drug screens are just seen as depositing piss in a cup and any problem with that is trying to dodge. If you walked up to a guy and stopped them tandomly demanding they drop their clothes and piss immediately in a cup with some weirdo microscoping you Id bet they would not be able to just casually do it.
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My lovely parents graciously took care of the fines for me so that's settled at least. I think I'm going to go to the ER tommorow and claim I can't piss. I had to do that once after too many opiates and they catheterized me without making too big an issue. It's drastic but I don't know what else to do.

I didn't start tapering like I said I would. I feel so shitty after 30 hours without dosing that I honestly can't even imagine how bad I will feel in full blown withdrawal. It's honestly terrifying.
 
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Captain.Heroin said:
Stay strong. <3
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Thanks I'm trying. I've decided that what's going to happen is mostly outside of my control. I'm going to keep being a good person and let the rest fall into place where it may. If it all goes to hell then so be it
 
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