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I'm in love with my bestfriend's girl and she does too.

F

Fuckleberry

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 20, 2017
Messages
3
This probably isn't the best place to post. Sorry for the wall of text. I'm pretty stimmed out.

I've never been in such a difficult situation. I don't know what the fuck i should do.
About 6 months ago my best friend/roommate met a girl and they've been together ever since. I always kind of liked her but didn't do anything, because it's my friends girl and I value our friendship way too much. Still my feelings were always the same.

I slowly became more friends with her and she helped me out through a difficult time in my life. I'm a pretty anxious guy and usually need to take something to be able to talk to girls but with her it was different. I could talk hours on end and not get bored. Even though we had some pretty deep conversations I always thought she just saw me as a good friend

The day before leaving my college (i go to college in Italy and am visiting family in the US) she asked me to go out with her friends one last night before i left. When i got there it was just her and she was already a bit drunk. She basically told me that she loved me and could not stop thinking about me. That the reason she would come over to our house was just to see me. I told her that i liked her too and that i wish we could've met sooner but out of respect for my friend nothing could happen between us.
It's been two days since that happened and I can't stop thinking about it. We've been sending each other texts but I told her we needed to stop. I couldn't do it behind my bestfriend's back. The texts stopped until last night when she started sending me drunk vocals saying that she couldn't stop thinking about me and that she couldn't imagine her life without me. She told me that she wanted to break up with my friend for some time now and it had nothing to do with me. She asked me to give her an answer as if I would be with her if she left him and told me that she could never be just my friend. Even though I really like this girl I difficultly told her that even if she broke up with him I could never be with her because I would lose my best friend.

I was supposed to call her today but didn't, and instead told her to stop messaging me and that we could never be together (something that I deep down don't want) She took a while to answer but told me that she had fixed everything with my bestfriend, that the feelings she had for me weren't actually there and that she just saw me as a friend. I still haven't told my bestfriend about this whole situation and I honestly don't know whether it's a good idea or not (if i do tell him it's gotta be face to face). I'm happy they are back together and that I didn't lose a friend but at the same time a part of me wants to be with her. Now i'm sitting here at 6 in the morning wondering whether rejecting her was the best decision, i mean i think i fucking love this girl. I don't know what to do. I'm not going to be back in Italy for another two weeks but I have no idea what's going to happen when i get there. What would you do in my situation?


 
i think you fucked up big time... how could you reject that girl when she threw herself at you and you say you liked her too?

You reject a girl because of a guy friend ? who the fuck cares man its a dog eat dog world be aggressive and take whats yours...n i guarantee 1000% i repeat 1000% if the tables where turned and it was your "friend" in this situation and not you- that he would take your girl in a second

you shouldn't be so trustworthy of people
 
If it was any other guy I would've done it but this is my bestfriend, I can't do that to him. He's helped me out of tough times and was always sticking out for me.
Also I don't think she stopped having feelings for me just because I rejected her for a good reason. I think i'm just going to say nothing for 2 weeks and then when i get back talk to her face to face.
 
Hi,

What a dilemma. However, she seems kind of flaky to me. She wants you then says she doesn't really. I mean what is that about? I guess she could have just felt rejected and psychologically just wanted to one up you by saying she didn't really have feelings for you, but who knows. Are you sure you know her well enough to judge what kind of a person she really is deep down inside? I mean, why would she be staying with a guy when she has feelings for someone else? Just to have someone? I think it is good you will have 2 weeks to think more about this. You might also want to give some thought to why you did not act on your feelings for her when you had the chance before your best friend took up with her. Maybe you saw something in her that held you back from acting. I am sure you will talk with her when you get back to Italy, but not sure you will have more clarity after talking with her, even if she says she really wants to be with you.

I assume your friend is also in Italy. If so, I think I would try and have a casual conversation with him about how he feels his relationship is going with his girlfriend. You might find out that he is not really into her either and that perhaps he is thinking of breaking up with her. Often when one partner picks up something that seems a little off with the other partner, they don't like what they are seeing/sensing and are thinking about hitting the road. Just a thought. When you have done all this, the picture may become clearer on what you want to do. Good luck with this.
 
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No it ain’t a dog eat all world well doesn’t have to be, that’s stupid talk, can’t you three of you get together and talk about your feelings, maybe she wants to be with you instead or just go polyamous?
 
She's been upfront with her feelings. If you really wanted to be with her, you should have said "Yes." when she told you she would leave your friend to be with you.

You blew her off and let her go back to your friend so it's probably best to leave it alone at this point and do not tell your friend. If you do not seriously want a relationship with this girl, it wouldn't make sense to tell your friend. You would ruin everything for no reason.

Keep your mouth shut unless you actually want to be with her. Make up your mind. We can't decide for you.
 
That sounds like a pickle. I admire your morals, I personally would probably do the same. However, it really comes down to how much you value your friendship with other dude. It sounds like you do a lot, can you honestly say he feels the same about you? Clearly their relationship isn't going to work out. A woman that openly says the things she said to you is not going to last her current relationship, however you also have to think about the fact that she could possibly be just "that kind of girl" and would end up doing the same thing to you. She made a choice to commit to this guy, and she has no problem telling his best friend that she would rather him, doesn't sound like a very trustworthy woman.

This, my friend, is one of those situations that is just not going to be solved on a forum. You have a giant choice to make.
 
Uh, what kind of man would want to fuck the girl of his BEST FRIEND.
Bros before hos
 
Best possible outcomes, your friend breaks up with her and later you fuck her on the DL. Honestly, committed monogamous couples want to fuck other people (maybe not all but more than would admit to it). The key to successful monogamous couples is recognizing the advantages monogamy has to offer (trust, dependability, partnership, unconditional acceptance) over the fleeting thrill of the “strange”.

If she is comfortable enough to proposition her man’s friend, she will destroy the relationship sooner or later. For your friend’s sake, hopefully sooner. At that point your friend will need the support of his friend that did not fuck his girl!
 
Would never do that to a friend, it's more hurtful than you can imagine. You're basically weighing your own greed vs his feelings.
 
SamanthaB said:
Hi,

What a dilemma. However, she seems kind of flaky to me. She wants you then says she doesn't really. I mean what is that about? I guess she could have just felt rejected and psychologically just wanted to one up you by saying she didn't really have feelings for you, but who knows. Are you sure you know her well enough to judge what kind of a person she really is deep down inside? I mean, why would she be staying with a guy when she has feelings for someone else? Just to have someone? I think it is good you will have 2 weeks to think more about this. You might also want to give some thought to why you did not act on your feelings for her when you had the chance before your best friend took up with her. Maybe you saw something in her that held you back from acting. I am sure you will talk with her when you get back to Italy, but not sure you will have more clarity after talking with her, even if she says she really wants to be with you.

I assume your friend is also in Italy. If so, I think I would try and have a casual conversation with him about how he feels his relationship is going with his girlfriend. You might find out that he is not really into her either and that perhaps he is thinking of breaking up with her. Often when one partner picks up something that seems a little off with the other partner, they don't like what they are seeing/sensing and are thinking about hitting the road. Just a thought. When you have done all this, the picture may become clearer on what you want to do. Good luck with this.
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this

she does seem flaky

anyone who is with someone for the sake of having a relationship and is hitting on the best friend can you actually trust them a few years down the line when life is getting tough not to shit on you too?

i wouldn't
 
It's not like she's married to the friend. Obviously she isn't that happy in the relationship. It seems the OP and this girl have strong feelings for each other. What if it is actually meant to be? They should let the friend get in the way of them being together? I'm sorry, I just see this a different way. Life is too short to not be with the one you truly want.

OP didn't act on his feelings when he had the opportunity for some reason. So that's why he should let things be unless he truly wants to be with this girl seriously.

Btw, she wasn't going to seriously pursue OP until she broke up with her boyfriend first. It's not like she was sleeping around behind her b/f's back. I think she acted disinterested in OP after he rejected her just to save face.
 
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You just have to ask your self one question when deciding who is more important.

It you had to bury a body, who would you call and ask for help? Her or your friend. Case closed.
 
Thanks everyone for the replies.
I've had some time to think about it and decided to not do anything and let their relationship run it's course. If what she said was true and she really doesn't have feelings for me I'll try and move on.

I, however, think she does still have feelings for me and that this isn't over. It's easy to think about all of this now, when i'm 5000 miles away, but I don't know how i'll react when i see her, or how she'll react when she sees me. I don't know if I can ever be "just" friends with her. As someone else said this isn't something that is going to be solved in a forum. I'll just have to figure all of this out when i get back to Italy.
Thanks anyway for all the advice.
 
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Fuckleberry said:
Thanks everyone for the replies.
I've had some time to think about it and decided to not do anything and let their relationship run it's course. If what she said was true and she really doesn't have feelings for me I'll try and move on.

I, however, think she does still have feelings for me and that this isn't over. It's easy to think about all of this now, when i'm 5000 miles away, but I don't know how i'll react when i see her, or how she'll react when she sees me. I don't know if I can ever be "just" friends with her. As someone else said this isn't something that is going to be solved in a forum. I'll just have to figure all of this out when i get back to Italy.
Thanks anyway for all the advice.
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Of she did this to time, don't be surprised when she does it to you.

Bros befor hoes. Never hit what your friend has hit, that is just gross.
 
A friendship could potentially be a lifetime thing (although this friendship won't be because you suck as a friend.)

Girls come and go. Do you really think this girl will last if she'd leave your friend for you? She obviously has her eyes wide open for the next dude while in a relationship.
 
treezy z said:
A friendship could potentially be a lifetime thing (although this friendship won't be because you suck as a friend.)

Girls come and go. Do you really think this girl will last if she'd leave your friend for you? She obviously has her eyes wide open for the next dude while in a relationship.
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Just like a monkey swinging through the trees, wont let go of the last branch until she has a firm grip on the next one. My late friend Tim said it well "they are all evil bitches and barely worth a load". Hahahaha.
 
Its not like you two are something special. This happens every day. It just simple infatuation. It feels real but you don't know each other well enough for it to be real.

That either of you, and apparently both, are willing to entertain this kind of betrayal, it speaks volumes as to your character. Perhaps you two are compatible at least as far as expectations for fidelity in a committed relationship.

If you were ever betrayed like this by a lover or a best friend you might have a different perspective on this. I grant you that it is hard to ignore passion, even this kind of superficial infatuation driven passion, without the life experience that you apparently do not have. Yet.

If you go through with this all of you will learn. The woman, your friend, you. All will suffer greatly and learn. Each from your own perspective. When you and the woman see how you have hurt your friend you both will regret it. You will feel shame and a loss of self respect. If you are normal people. Sociopaths do this all the time and have no regrets.

That you are posting here about it leads me to believe you are not one of those kind of people. So if you go ahead with this you are in for a wild ride. Huge swings of joy and grief are in your future. Mostly pain and grief though. The brief period of infatuation and joy quickly goes away and then you are each just in a dirty relationship with a cheater that started by hurting someone you both cared for.
 
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