Fiancé overdosed

[OnyxWings]

I'm new & if this is the wrong place I'm sorry. I just need answers my soul mate is gone. He had such a hard life & past. I wanted to show him something different with unconditional love. You

I lost my fiance on November 3rd. He promised me he only smoked marijuana and drank beer which is all I ever seen him do. Many times his behavior would seem erratic, irritated, obnoxious and he would sat the meanest things to me in arguments them be the 1sr to makeup he would al be what I would call extra but I really thought he was bipolar. He told me when he was younger that he messed with coke and that it was a party drug, but he said that was his past. HE PROMISED ME! It was a normal day. I got up got ready to work, he was grumpy because the light was in his face (he would stay up watching TV all night) he got the kids ready for school, saw my oldest leave for work…….I came home and saw my kids walking from the bus stop by themselves and asked them where their step dad was. He ALWAYS walked them from the bus stop. I got home and found him in our bedroom on the floor…Vomit was on our bed and coming from his mouth. As the days are turning NOW people are saying oh he messed with coke….WHERE WERE THEY WHEN HE WAS DOING IT? Why didnt they tell him NO dont do that? Why didnt they tell me??? As I have been reviewing and learning about OD all of the symptoms are there and there is a rash of cocaine/fentanyl overdoses happening because people think they have cocaine. His sister told me on Thanksgiving that she OD’d the day after he died from the cocaine/fentanyl mix. But her boyfriend got her to the hospital. Had he not been there she would be dead too. She said she some bad coke @ that the test said it was coke & fentanyl. We are waiting for the toxicology report to confirm-the autopsy ruled out natural causes…….I have my answer already. All people keep saying is that you made him a better person….BUT HOW IF HE WAS USING DRUGS??????? Why wouldnt he tell me? GOD this hurts! How did he hide it so well? I never seen him do it!

 

[RDP89]

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. People with substance abuse issues tend to hide those issues from people, including ones they love. There are lot of reasons. Fear, shame, guilt, and other emotions. I think you need time to properly grieve and I don't think worrying about why he or other people didn't tell you is going to help you. Also, just because he used drugs doesn't mean you didn't help him to be a better person. But substance abuse/addiction issues can be very difficult to overcome, especially with no one to reach out to who's familiar with the situation and is willing to help.

 

[OnyxWings]

Thank you so much for this perspective.... I really appreciate your response. I'm just hurting & want answers.
Thank you again!

 

[Tubbs]

I'm sorry to hear this losing a loved one to drugs is alwayshard

 

[OnyxWings]

I'm sorry to hear this losing a loved one to drugs is alwayshard

Thank you, I just don't understand and want more information about cocaine & fentanyl.....More information about cocaine and the effects.....

 

[Ian's Pharmacopeia]

This has been a big issue recently which people, especially drug users NEED to know about. There have been many cases reported recently in which fentanyl is mixed and or sold as something that it is not. In order to be safe you need to test all of your drugs with a fentanyl test kit. These tend to be around $20 - $30 dollars online, but it will save your life. Cocaine, while it is not a safe drug by any means, has a far lower potential for harm than fentanyl does. Test kit link ---> http://testkitplus.com/product/fentanyl-test-kit

 

[OnyxWings]

This has been a big issue recently which people, especially drug users NEED to know about. There have been many cases reported recently in which fentanyl is mixed and or sold as something that it is not. In order to be safe you need to test all of your drugs with a fentanyl test kit. These tend to be around $20 - $30 dollars online, but it will save your life. Cocaine, while it is not a safe drug by any means, has a far lower potential for harm than fentanyl does. Test kit link ---> http://testkitplus.com/product/fentanyl-test-kit

Thank you so much for this information! I pray someone sees this and that it will save their life!

 

[herbavore]

I am so, so sorry. What a tragedy for everyone involved. I hope that you and your children can get some counseling for the shock and grief. After the shock wears off, the grief intensifies. Take good care of yourself and get support for yourself wherever and however you can. Many people have found Bluelight not through their own drug use but through losing someone and looking for answers. You may want to keep this thread running in the future as one more source of emotional support for yourself as you navigate your way forward. Much love to your family.

Thank you, Ian's Pharmacopeia, for the test kit link. Onxywings, please share that with your fiancé's sister.

 

[jalara]

You sound like a very good person OnyxWings, and he was fortunate to have that time with you and your children. Take care.

 

[deadendgame]

I'm sorry for your loss but you have to move on. I don't know how to deal with grief but my strategy would be distraction. I just move onto the next thing by watching movies or doing something to enjoy myself. I know I can't help you, but please don't be stuck in this hole. The sooner you can climb out of the pit of despair, the more you can enjoy life. You will never forget about this, but a friend once told me, that time is the healer of all things.

 

[JDGRAMZ]

I am very sorry for your loss...it sucks it really does and there's really no other way to say that. I would say just because he used does not mean he didn't love you and your children very much it just meant he had his own struggles and battles that he dealt with. There's many reasons why he probably didn't tell you because of fear, shame, embarassment, or maybe he wanted to quit so he didn't tell you because he didn't think he would have to (I know that's what I've told myself before) Either way it sucks and my deepest and sincere apologies...I am sure you DID make his life better and know that his using had nothing to do with his love for you!!!

 

[BeachBum4u]

Many folks deal/struggle with their demon's everyday. Many others are never aware of these struggles even though they can totally consume some folk's lives. Which is why we all need to allow others the benefit of the doubt whenever possible. We will never fully understand or appreciate the demons we all wage war with every waking moment! Loves each other!

 

[Tubbs]

Many folks deal/struggle with their demon's everyday. Many others are never aware of these struggles even though they can totally consume some folk's lives. Which is why we all need to allow others the benefit of the doubt whenever possible. We will never fully understand or appreciate the demons we all wage war with every waking moment! Loves each other!

So true, judging another is horrible, you never know what kind of demons they're fighting

 

[cj]

I'm sorry for your loss. None of this is your fault. Try to get your kids into counseling if you can.

 

[Runningfox]

Dear OP
I HOPE you're still nearby and checking your threads. It's the holiday season so with kids you're likely busy. I HOPE you're busy.

Someone said a few posts up, that your loved one's addiction had nothing to do with his love for you n the kids. PLEASE believe that. It's true. And "better person"? Oh yeah if somebody who knew the man well said YOU made him a better person , again pls believe that. (And keep reminding yourself Good People become users addicts and statistics every day. That does NOT diminish their Goodness!)

Counselling worked wonders for my children over the years after an accidental death took their step brother at the age of 15. My kids are strong, emotionally sound individuals now; I owe much of that to the grief counselling they attended and family / individual counseling over the years.


You'll get thru this, Dear.
We're all here to help n encourage just that. Take care ! Keep posting !