CURES report and feeling embarrassed

[EliseBug]

I have had the roughest 5 months in my life. I was falsely diagnosed with bipolar 2, so I was put on lithium, I always also on diazepam 5mg 3x daily. But I felt so much better I wasn't using it nearly as often as I used to before that. Then I became very sick, and was diagnosed as toxic. My heart rate got very low then they almost put in a pacemaker. My potassium was all messed up, I was throwing up everything, and couldn't keep anything in. I also started losing vision in my eyes, and every time I went to the ER, I would get slated with "it's just anxiety" and they would give me an tiny Ativan because I was too afraid to take my diazapam. They tried to give me all kind of medications, including seroquel for sleep and norco for my sciatica and they all stopped my breathing. I ended up fainting on a hospital staircase, they held me overnight for monitoring and even though my heart rate was at 43 they said I was fine. I was referred to a behavioral health facility, and the three hours I spent there were horrible. I came home, worked on the potassium myself, but my medications got all messed up. One doctor would give me lunesta. Then another ambien, another two kinds of dosages of Ativan, and some of them worked some of them didn't, but they all got filled, and the Ativan was horrible. It had this like bommerang effect, it would spike and I would be back to anxious in an hour. I got my diazapam filled again, and because I had different doctors switching me I got everything filled on time. Just in case. Eventually I ended up at a doctor practice attached to a recovery home, and they didn't know I was still on ambien, had stopped the Ativan already, and they put me on Prozac, and it has been making me more depressed. I wanted to know if I could switch back to diazapam through them until I found a new psychiatrist and they initially said yes I just had to sign a contract, then they called back said they checked my CURES and that they would not be refilling any controlled substances, and to see a psychiatrist. I'm fine with that but jeez I feel so embarrassed. I have been tossed around and I just wanted to get back to my normal routine. I have been using the diazapam for my epilepsy as well. I see my new psychiatrist next Friday, and I got a call today from the doctor saying I could go in an talk to them, but I don't even know for what. I think since they work with recovery homes they are extra sensitive, and I understand, but is it even worth it to go in? I only had all these medications because I had so many opinions and people telling me I just had anxiety. I've never felt more embarrassed.

 

[T. Calderone]

It sounds like you've been through quite an ordeal. You don't have to feel embarrassed because you didn't do anything wrong. I had a new GP do the same to me so it seems like doctors are doing this more and more with computerized prescription monitoring. Hopefully when you go in to see the new psychiatrist, you can get all this sorted out. Let us know how it goes.