December Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread, v More Holidaze Ahead

[Captain.Heroin]

Have you thought about why you drink?

 

[RDP89]

Have you thought about why you drink?

Sometimes just out of boredom, and I think for self medication. I've been drinking and using substances since I was 15. The longest I've ever gone clean and sober was like 57 days which the first 30 of that were in rehab, and then 35 days was the longest on my own. I've done better this year in the sense that I've had more days clean and sober than not, but never made it very long, like 10 days here, 14 days there, 35 there.

I just get that bored restless feeling that builds up inside until I just say fuck it. I know I have a lot of issues that I need to deal with that I'm masking or whatever with my use. But it's like even in rehab settings and that, it can be hard for me to open up. I deal with that always feeling like an outsider thing never feeling good enough. In the past I was always like alright I'm fine I'm sober now, I don't need any therapy or anything, I'll just be fine. But I can't think like that anymore because it's never worked, and I think I knew deep down and was just lying to myself.

 

[Runningfox]

^^^ maybe try another rehab w decent aftercare services? Sounds like you are NOT gonna be able to beat this thing alone.

And don't feel like a piece of shit : the very fact that you carry guilt about missing out on things / potentially disappointing your daughter is testament to the fact that you're a Good Guy, with a bad addiction.

I would try another rehab.

 

[RDP89]

^^^ maybe try another rehab w decent aftercare services? Sounds like you are NOT gonna be able to beat this thing alone.

And don't feel like a piece of shit : the very fact that you carry guilt about missing out on things / potentially disappointing your daughter is testament to the fact that you're a Good Guy, with a bad addiction.

I would try another rehab.

I have no chance on going to rehab. Even once I get insurance, I can't take the time off work.(that's assuming I get a new job,but no job means no insurance, so either way no rehab.) I don't see a point in going to inpatient rehab again. I've been three times, I already know the jist of what's going to be said, so I think it would be a waste. Plus, most are 12 step based, which I'm an atheist so I need a secular program.(and don't try to tell me AA is non religious, that's a crazy claim when they have the word "god" in three of their 12 steps)

Which is why I'm going to go to Smart Recovery meetings, and I also believe I do need therapy, but until I get a job and wait the 90 days for insurance, I can't do that. The only thing that sucks about smart recovery is there are only 2 in my immediate are, and only one is open to the public.(the other one is at some facility I think where you have to be attending to go. The next closest is 45 minutes away.

And thank you for the kind words, they mean alot! And yeah, I think I'm a good dad for the most part, but if I don't change I'm gonna screw everything up. I actually decided to go to the other function tomorrow. I don't know what to say though if anyone asks how my job is going. I don't want to lie, but I don't want to say I lost it either. My grandparents and parents know, but no one else. Hopefully it doesn't come up. I also really hope I can sleep tonight, it'll be like 20 hours since my last drink, and I really didn't go that long, so I'm hopeful.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Honestly most "addiction specialists" are pretty bad IME.

I'd just find some normal small time psych, explain your history to him clearly, show him some research or point him in the right direction and ask him if he'd be comfortable with that treatment. It may take some trial and error (and trust me it will piss you off) before you find a good psychiatrist. Unless, that is, you get lucky.

You should be able to find some psych who'll write that for you if you live in the Illinois area. Maybe do some research on psychs in your area who prescribe baclofen? Refer to it as "baclofem treatment," "baclofen therapy" or "baclofen pharmacotherapy." Some fun reading for you: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3540966/

 

[RDP89]

Thanks bro!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Always Merry Christmas!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hey everyone!

I realized that I haven't been on this thread in a while so I wanted to say Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year and all that good stuff :D

Peace, Love and Faith,
Dreamflyer

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Sometimes just out of boredom, and I think for self medication. I've been drinking and using substances since I was 15. The longest I've ever gone clean and sober was like 57 days which the first 30 of that were in rehab, and then 35 days was the longest on my own. I've done better this year in the sense that I've had more days clean and sober than not, but never made it very long, like 10 days here, 14 days there, 35 there.

I just get that bored restless feeling that builds up inside until I just say fuck it. I know I have a lot of issues that I need to deal with that I'm masking or whatever with my use. But it's like even in rehab settings and that, it can be hard for me to open up. I deal with that always feeling like an outsider thing never feeling good enough. In the past I was always like alright I'm fine I'm sober now, I don't need any therapy or anything, I'll just be fine. But I can't think like that anymore because it's never worked, and I think I knew deep down and was just lying to myself.

You can always talk about your stuff here if you want a free ear.

If you've done 1 month on your own before, you can do it again, one day at a time! Stay strong!

 

[Erikmen]

^ I guess it takes a while until we can find real motivation to try to do other stuff when you are bored. The first 4 weeks it may be ‘tasteless’ to even watch TV. You can always try to force yourself to exercise and do things you would find pleasure able.

For me drinking while trying to sober up would normally drive me right into my DOC, so avoid that and you might find it a bit easier to get sober for longer periods. I do agree though that you are capable to stay longer as thirty days is a good window to have your body and health in better shape.

The best strategy for a lot of people is the usual one day at a time. Once you make a routine of one day only or half day at the time it gets easier by the day.

Best of luck @RDP89!

 

[Baron27]

^^

Taking things 1 day at a time has helped me. Take each day as a victory, try not to think about tomorrow, just focus on getting through today.

I had some major alcohol issues in the past and it was really hard, I feel for you. Wishing you the best of luck and a good Christmas.

 

[Santa]

Ho Ho Ho!

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

starting over ...

less than 24 hours clean of benzos
1 day clean of alcohol
3 days clean of marijuana
19 days clean of crack

fortunately i did not use any of them for long. thank fuck i did not use the benzos for long.

i'm not really sure what i'm going to do to make it work. aa is so time consuming -- and annoying how people kindly ride you if you only want to attend the meetings without doing the sponsor and twelve steps -- but it might not be a bad idea for a bit.

 

[Tubbs]

Find something you love doing, help keep your mind off it.

Can't believe 2017 is almost over

 

[RDP89]

You can always talk about your stuff here if you want a free ear.

If you've done 1 month on your own before, you can do it again, one day at a time! Stay strong!

Thanks yeah, I know I can. One of my biggest things is remembering where it always leads when I'm bored on day off and want to use something. Today is officially day one, as I had like 30 hours off alcohol Xmas morning, but as soon as I got some money, I decided to get a couple few beers to take the edge off the anxiety I still had because I had a Xmas party to go to. Bad idea, was back to drinking around the clock, but luckily only 5 percent beer this time, so not too hard to come off physically, psychologically though still sucks so I took some Kratom to get me through yesterday after I stopped drinking in the morning.

So officially day one for me starts today even though I already have over 24 hours of drinking, because I was then high on the kratom all day. That helped me sleep like a baby for 11 hours though, so I'm starting to feel a lot better today and get my appetite/diet back on track.

I'm gonna find out about a job on Tuesday, and it's a pretty decent one, so fingers crossed there. I'm also gonna check out Smart Recovery next week. The only one in my immediate area is Wednesday night, and I did not feel up to it so next Wednesday for sure. Congrats to all those doing well, and to those struggling hang in there!!

 

[Runningfox]

Feeling horrendously restless and. ... discontented

 

[peterfromsweden]

I been fucked up every New Years eve I can remember! Now I spend It with mum

Thanks for this great place..

 

[peterfromsweden]

I truly wish my family was like that. They are all hateful and judging. I've never been good enough, until they're pissed off at someone else then I'm a pawn.

Blood Is not thicker then water in this case my friend. Choose your brothers and the once that loves you for being you. That´s your family.

Have great New year eve! 2018 Is ours

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Thanks yeah, I know I can. One of my biggest things is remembering where it always leads when I'm bored on day off and want to use something. Today is officially day one, as I had like 30 hours off alcohol Xmas morning, but as soon as I got some money, I decided to get a couple few beers to take the edge off the anxiety I still had because I had a Xmas party to go to. Bad idea, was back to drinking around the clock, but luckily only 5 percent beer this time, so not too hard to come off physically, psychologically though still sucks so I took some Kratom to get me through yesterday after I stopped drinking in the morning.

So officially day one for me starts today even though I already have over 24 hours of drinking, because I was then high on the kratom all day. That helped me sleep like a baby for 11 hours though, so I'm starting to feel a lot better today and get my appetite/diet back on track.

I'm gonna find out about a job on Tuesday, and it's a pretty decent one, so fingers crossed there. I'm also gonna check out Smart Recovery next week. The only one in my immediate area is Wednesday night, and I did not feel up to it so next Wednesday for sure. Congrats to all those doing well, and to those struggling hang in there!!

Pot hits the spot for me but I know not everyone enjoys it.

 

[FLA]

Pot hits the spot for me but I know not everyone enjoys it.

That's good. Just shows everybody is slightly different.

Every once in a while I get like a flashback about my very earliest pot highs. Sometimes when I remember a particular song I can almost taste those first pot highs I had when I first heard it. I know I'd actually never hear them on the radio even if I listened because god knows automated corporate radio is a far cry from the free form FM stations of the 70's.

Now the medical grade cannabis is much stronger than then but it doesn't necessarily motivate me to use it that often. I think I was more in love with the insights of those early highs. CBD Oil though is something I like and think may have some useful properties. I think it's going to take at least a full year since quitting bupe at the beginning of October before my brain is near healed assuming I make it that long without substances. Full disclosure since about early November I started using kratom, what y'all would consider tiny amounts of benzos after my wife allocates them after 6 PM and though it pains me to admit it, I'm trying to quit a <1 gram a day tianeptine sulfate compulsion. I started these things because my body and mind could not take anymore extreme restlessness and lack of sleep. That might have something to do with pot not being particularly satisfying. I know I got used to the predictable effects of opioids versus something like acid. They used to say even experienced acidheads couldn't always predict what kind of experience they would have.