Mental Health Feedback on my Depression Regimen Safety/Feasibility Please

[candidsurprise]

So I've been dealing with treatment resistant depression for a long time now, and I've been through the ringer of therapy and medication to no avail. At this point the medical system has failed me, and there's nothing more that they can do besides ECT which I'm not willing to undergo. So I've taken to self-medicating, and I've been doing a lot of research on different compounds and combinations of compounds that I might use.


I've developed a weekly routine which successfully gives me relief from my severe depressive symptoms on the days on which I'm self medicating. The routine goes like this


Week 1:
Mon - 40mg oral Methamphetamine (Xanax + seroquel for comedown)
Tue - 5x GBL 1.7ml (throughout the day)
Wed - Tramadol 250mg
Thurs - Tramadol 250mg
Fri - Tramadol 250mg
Sat - 5x GBL 1.7ml (throughout the day)
Sun - Tianeptine sulfate 25mg + 5-HTP + L-Tyrosine


Week 2:
Mon - 5x GBL 1.7ml
Tue - Tianeptine sulfate 25mg + 5-HTP + L-Tyrosine
Wed - Tramadol 250mg
Thurs - Tramadol 250mg
Fri - 5x GBL 1.7ml
Sat - Tianeptine + 5-HTP + L-Tyrosine
Sun - 5x GBL 1.7ml


And I repeat this rotation every two weeks. The meth, Tramadol and gbl give me near total relief of all symptoms. The Tianeptine + 5 HTP is only slightly effective - these days are a struggle to get through but it's better than nothing.


Essentially I need one more medication/combo to both replace (or augment) the Tianeptine days, and to reduce my over-reliance on Tramadol and GBL. I'm treading a fine line with physical dependence with Tramadol in using it 5 times a fortnight. I've calculated my GBL usage to be quantitatively equivalent to the amount of Xyrem prescribed daily therapeutically - which was shown to exhibit no physical dependence. However it's still a risky game, so I want to reduce my Tramadol days to 4 days per fortnight, and likewise with GBL ideally.


A couple of other points: I have to schedule the Tramadol back to back which I know raises the risk of dependence. The reason being, I get a bit of a hangover after a single day of Tramadol, if I broke up my Tramadol usage id be dealing with multiple hangovers during the week. With this regimen I only deal with one, and it's mostly alleviated by the GBL. The other point is that I don't experience any cravings or compulsive dosing, and have been easily able to discontinue any of the medications at will. I recently took a 3 week break from Tramadol with 0 issues, despite having a huge supply in my cupboard.


So my question is mostly directed to the older users of this site that have experience with any of the older drugs that act on Gaba-A receptors. Or any of the newer users that have had the fortune of experiencing them. My reasoning is as follows: I'm underutilising my GABA-A receptors with my regimen, potentially missing out on a potent mechanism of relief. The consequence of this underutilisation is overutilisation of the mu-opioid receptor and the Gaba-B receptor (gbl). So I want to utilise my Gaba A receptor to take some of the burden from those other receptors. The problem is that benzodiazepines are the only current compounds that exclusively target Gaba A, and they do absolutely nothing for my depression, so they aren't an option. Barbiturates act on Gaba-A in a way distinct from benzos, and methaqualone/quaaludes act on Gaba-A in a way distinct from benzos and barbs. I understand that users of Quaaludes described it as conferring a strong sense of 'well-being'. Secobarbital and pentobarbital have similarly been described as creating such an effect. This reminds me of GBL descriptions, a compound that is nothing short of miraculous for my depression. So what I'm asking is whether moderate usage of these compounds could theoretically provide me with relief from my depression 3-4 days a fortnight (if redosed throughout the day)? Other Gaba-A compounds, most noteably alcohol and high dose phenibut, are not an option because they act on both Gaba A and Gaba B and thus would exhibit cross tolerance with GBL and downregulate Gaba-B to an excessive degree.


One issue that I've foreseen is excessive sedation induced by these compounds, which in my case would be an unacceptable side effect to their 'euphoric' or anti-depressant aspect. I've thought about using provigil (modafinil) concurrently if this becomes a real problem. Incidentally, provigil has some modest anti-depressant properties too so it could be a nice and effective combination. I am unable to take provigil by itself as it gives me horrible insomnia (and is only slightly effective) and I'm not willing to use my Gaba-A receptors for the sole purpose of fixing provigil related insomnia if I can use them to actually target the depression in the first place.


If this plan proves unfeasible (either through total lack of access to the relevant Gaba A compounds, or the lack of efficacy). I've thought about combining Tianeptine, 5-htp and provigil several days a fortnight and using a low dose of benzos to sleep; and make do with the limited relief that will provide me with.


Thanks guys, and feel free to comment on any aspect of my regimen/plan, this post isn't exclusively focused on the title question - I would love some feedback on the long term viability of this regimen. Also any thoughts on microdosing psychedelics for depression? I havent tried this approach and some have found it to be effective.


*Sigh...post title altered to bring more in line with the rules. The bottom line is that we can't tell you what to take, period. We don't tell people what to take, but if they're absolutely going to take something, we can help make usage as safe as it can be*

 

[candidsurprise]

Come on guys, does nobody have any insight? If I'm missing something here please speak up, I'd rather not walk head first into something potentially disastrous

 

[zephyr]

Hey nate this would be better suited to Mentsl Health I think.

Ill respond later on today regardless as could help you but have to rush off to work.

Hang in there mate

 

[candidsurprise]

Cheers buddy, I appreciate it

 

[Mysterie]

my thought as someone who also has conflict with depression is that there isn't much stopping you from over time, using gbl/tram/meth on your days off until you are addicted to one or more of those substances and then it derails you.

this just looks like a well thought out and rationalised potential train wreck. meth is very psychologically addictive (no matter how smart you think you are)

i also feel failed by the conventional medical system in treating my depression, but atm my interest lies in microdosing acid. i've found a decrease in anxiety on MD days, and a sense that i can break through what has been stuck and holding me back from blossoming.
and hopefully some form of therapy in the future.

 

[candidsurprise]

my thought as someone who also has conflict with depression is that there isn't much stopping you from over time, using gbl/tram/meth on your days off until you are addicted to one or more of those substances and then it derails you.

this just looks like a well thought out and rationalised potential train wreck. meth is very psychologically addictive (no matter how smart you think you are)

i also feel failed by the conventional medical system in treating my depression, but atm my interest lies in microdosing acid. i've found a decrease in anxiety on MD days, and a sense that i can break through what has been stuck and holding me back from blossoming.
and hopefully some form of therapy in the future.

I'm very curious about microdosing psychedelics, and I think I will give it a shot a couple times a week. The reason why I haven't yet is because I've had issues with HPPD and depersonalisation from even moderate/responsible 2cb usage in the past. So psychedelics don't usually sit well with me. But if they offer a real shot at treating my depression I'll take the risk as a last resort.

Cognitive behavioural therapy was a total failure for me and led to no improvement in symptoms. I haven't yet tried group therapy which could do more for me. I also want to try acupuncture which I'm yet to explore. Exercise has had mixed results, although my routine is constantly punctuated by either debilitating depression or drug induced apathy - meaning that I can rarely keep a consistent program. However, exercise is my current priority. And although I'm struggling to keep up the regularity, I'm getting better at it. That being said, it doesn't seem to do all that much beyond a mild mood boost.

And yeah, I understand that it's a very risky plan. However I would rather live a few more years being happy and living a fulfilling life for that period of time, than live with this debilitating depression which would probably kill me in a few years anyway from suicide. This routine is finally giving me my life back and for the first time in years I'm rediscovering what it feels like to be a semi-functioning human.

For what it's worth, I find meth the least psychologically addictive out of all 3 substances. I don't know if that could change in the future, and I don't see why it would. Even if it does, I'm willing to accept the risk as i don't consider my life worth living without it. So there's nothing to lose really.

Part of my search for a further euphoric Gaba A compound is actually to 'balance' out the other addictive compounds in my routine. In the sense of helping to protect against dependence to any given substance by having a different, equally enjoyable one to use the following day. I'm very cognisant of the addictive potential of a single euphoric compound. But I believe that the addictive potential of any given compound is very low when there are 3 other equally enjoyable compounds 'on rotation' so to speak. An addiction to drugs in general? Sure. But no physical dependence and no major downregulation of any given receptor.

 

[Prescottdave]

OP I think you should really read some experience reports from people who have used meth, benzo's and GBL long term to self medicate their depression. I would be rather interested in reading any successful outcomes if you happen to find some.

I find the addictive potential of sedatives is increased when using stimulants due to the rebound in anxiety during the comedown after using an upper. You may not even need our help as there are hundreds if not thousands of experience reports on BL in which individuals with depression self medicated with uppers and downers over the long term.

Really I feel like this is a HR website and helping you to find another more euphoric substance to add to your poly substance abuse regiment is not really what BL is here for.

 

[Artificial Emotion]

I don't know if you're using depression as an excuse to get high but that is not going to work.

 

[BeachBum4u]

I will tell you that I used to take ludes recreationally back in the 70's and 80's. One thing of note I did discover was that tolerance built up in a matter of days. One other issue on ludes is that I don't believe they're available anywhere anymore except in South Africa (I think my memory is right on that). Other than that, all I can say is good luck and please be safe.

 

[candidsurprise]

OP I think you should really read some experience reports from people who have used meth, benzo's and GBL long term to self medicate their depression. I would be rather interested in reading any successful outcomes if you happen to find some.

I find the addictive potential of sedatives is increased when using stimulants due to the rebound in anxiety during the comedown after using an upper. You may not even need our help as there are hundreds if not thousands of experience reports on BL in which individuals with depression self medicated with uppers and downers over the long term.

Really I feel like this is a HR website and helping you to find another more euphoric substance to add to your poly substance abuse regiment is not really what BL is here for.

I totally agree with almost everything you've said here. The addictive potential of sedatives is increased when used to comedown from uppers. You are also right about it being contrary to harm reduction to help add another euphoric substance to a poly-abuse regimen.

However, I don't agree that the regimen involves abuse of drugs. That's because the usage isn't aimed at attaining the euphoric value of the drug. In fact In response to a different poster in this thread (see below), I've asked whether it's possible to use methaqualone at the minimum possible dosage to avoid the euphoric high, yet provide anti-depressant relief. Also, I'm only using uppers once a fortnight, and the xanax I use to comedown from it has no euphoric or recreational value to me.

The thing is mate, whilst there are reports of people using a singular focal substance to treat depression, it almost always involves using just one substance, maybe two. Trust me, I would be the first to come out and say that using one substance to treat depression is a pathway to addiction and will not work long term. But, I haven't seen any reports concerning the use of 3-4 effective medications used to treat depression on a rotation schedule. I'm a very empirical person so forgive me if I come across as stubborn; but to be convinced by things I need to be presented with solid evidence of harm, or very convincing reasoning as to why the benefit:cost ratio is skewed towards the cost side of things.

 

[candidsurprise]

I will tell you that I used to take ludes recreationally back in the 70's and 80's. One thing of note I did discover was that tolerance built up in a matter of days. One other issue on ludes is that I don't believe they're available anywhere anymore except in South Africa (I think my memory is right on that). Other than that, all I can say is good luck and please be safe.

Thanks for the reply man, would you be able to say some more about your experiences with Luudes? You mention tolerance rising fast, do you see this being a problem with tolerance when used maybe one day a week (possible 2-3 times on that day?). Also I'm really interesting in hearing exactly how they made you feel. I keep hearing people say how methaqualone gave them a strong sense of 'wellbeing'. I don't know if you've tried GHB/GBL, but that's exactly the effect that GBL has on me, and in having that effect its a very effective anti-depressant for me. Have you ever tried GHB/GBL, and if so can you compare the mood lifting aspect of them with luudes? If not, from your experiences with luudes do you see it as potentially being able to relieve depression for a whole day if a person redoses during that day (once day per week)? By depression I mean feeling overwhelmed with negative thoughts, feeling extremely sad etc. Not so much the physical aspects of depression like fatigue or the brain fog (which I can see methaqualone potentially making worse). The last thing I wanted to ask is whether, if it has this 'wellbeing' effect, whether you can get that effect without the intense 'high' from the drug by using it at a lower does. Or is it more that the intense 'high' is the only way you see it as being useful against depression? Thanks buddy.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Od->mh

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Let's try to keep it in rule-book space. There's no agenda of switching meds for different days that will allow you to beat addiction, side effects, and negative aspects of drug abuse.

 

[candidsurprise]

Let's try to keep it in rule-book space. There's no agenda of switching meds for different days that will allow you to beat addiction, side effects, and negative aspects of drug abuse.

Hi, could you be more specific please?