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Dilemma - Is He Still Using ???

R

ragtime2

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 14, 2017
Messages
12
My heart and my head are fighting ! My husband of 24 years walked out 8 weeks ago after I caught him texting another woman - since then I have found out he was taking coke - xanax - adderal - roxies... and I think almost daily - fyi he was popping 5 xanax at a time and was seen buying 8 balls of coke - to let you understand the quantities.

We hardly have spoken since he left - because he has applied for a divorce - yesterday was the first civil conversation we have really had. Although it started with him angry is ended calmer - but as he was talking especially about money he broke down and started to cry because he has no money - he quickly stopped himself. He was never an emotional person to get him crying is a huge thing.

So now I feel sorry for him and want to send him money - he has not asked - and he is in complete denial about using drugs tells me that he wasnt etc.

It is his birthday today - I am so sad I just want him back ! Do you all think he could have cleaned himself up and has stopped using ? Am I safe to send him money ? Or do you think it will just go to buy drugs ?
 
Hes probably still using.



You'll have to divorce and split everything officially but for now if you gove anything make sure its from an account on YOUR name and get a RECEIPT.


Close and divide evenly accounts in both names for now. And asap before he clesns them out.

Yes its his birthday and you are sad.

Dude has been with other women ok.

Thats not right.

Look after yourself and if you give money then what he does with it is out of your hands.

Get a divorce.

Its for the best

Xx
 
All I can say other than I'm sorry for the circumstances you find yourself in is that if you're honest with yourself, and you search your heart, you'll know what the right thing to do is. I wish you all the best!
 
I’m sorry to say this but it sounds like he’ll just spend the money on drugs. You can’t really help him besides giving him emotional support if he lets you.
 
He has no money because he spent it on drugs. He'll spend your money on drugs. I know you're hurting, but all you'll do is open yourself up to more hurt if you give him money now. He hasn't asked yet but if you give him some he will ask. Again and again. If you haven't spoken in 8 weeks he obviously doesn't care that much and the divorce is already in the works, so let him go now. If you want to be emotionally supportive, go ahead but don't think you can buy him back. You don't want or need that. Wish him happy birthday and if you want to, be there for him. If he's already cheating on you, consider yourself lucky he didn't bring you down with him in his drug use and financially ruin both of you before you caught him. Honestly you're better off without him at this point. I know it hurts, but it's the truth at this point
 
There is no way in hell that a drug user is not using when going through something as stressful and depressing as divorce and being broke.

Plus it sounds like he's physically dependent most likely so there is no way he is stopping these drugs and able to leave his bed still to meet with you or go to the bank
 
Yes sadly he's still using, people will say and do almost anything to get that fix.
 
That's some moderately heavy use to heavy use. Don't give him money or anything he can sell for cash. Honestly it sounds like you deserve a better man.
 
Sorry to hear about this OP, it must have been quite the shock. I'm moving the thread to the dark side forum.

OD --> TDS
 
I'll just echo what others have said. He's almost for sure still using, and using is certainly why he's broke, and the call was an attempt to get you to feel bad for him and give him money. If he can't even admit to you he was using before when you know for a fact he was, it's more or less a sure thing that he's using now.

To be honest this guy is bad news for you. Even if he's a good person underneath the addiction (and I'm not sure about that, I was on drugs for 10 years but I never cheated on my wife because of it... we did split over the drugs though), right now he's going to destroy everything in his life. You do not need him, and after you get past the initial fear and sadness, you'll be really glad you left him behind. Not only is he using drugs destructively and lying to you about it, but he's cheating on you, and he didn't care to reach out for 8 weeks except to file for a divorce. This guy doesn't deserve you, and he clearly doesn't want to be with you. So please, do yourself a favor and move on. <3
 
Well my logic would say that if he has money for drugs he has money for food.

Knowing his habits and the fact he is still in denial, I think giving him money would only serve to enable him.

If he is using as much as you suspect, he is lost in his own mind. I know I wasn't thinking clearly at all when I was taking similar drugs in similar amounts. It actually ended in a psychotic episode for me. I honestly believe that drug addicts can be some of the best liars so be careful with your emotions, it doesn't sounds like he is deserving of your sympathy. Sometimes consequences are the only thing that motivate us to change.
 
We have no idea if he's an addict. Those aren't massive amounts of drugs tbh.
 
If he's using coke and benzos every day, yes that's addiction. Benzo every day at that sort of level means he'll have dangerous withdrawals if he stops, unless he's only been doing it a short time.
 
cj said:
We have no idea if he's an addict. Those aren't massive amounts of drugs tbh.
Click to expand...

I guess it depends on the size of the pill, but if he is taking 5 2mg bars at a time that alone is a massive amount of drugs that will lead to serious side effects..
 
yes it is 2 mg bars that he is taking - 5 at a time - and popping adderal and roxies 2 and 3 at a time too - as well as the coke
 
Yeah he's been at it for a while. You don't start out taking that high of a dose without passing out and nodding off. Even with a tolerance most people would likely be catching nods or having to do a lot of stims to stay awake.

Basically the same combination of drugs is what sent me into psychosis. I blacked out days if not weeks or longer. My memory of those years is really spotty.
 
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