• TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

so much drugs in my system, i wonder how i got to this point

subjectividadeep

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 25, 2017
Messages
3
sorry about my english folks


i'm taking vyvanse, haldol, akineton, zyprexa and clonazepam


i have been mainly in benzos since 2013, other drugs would be prescribed later on from my gp,


in the early months of this year i started to take mephentermine vet, it was the shit, and i used and abused for almost the entire year, and intramuscular who would give me a high of 6 hours, and iv which was strong doesn't last more than 30 minutes, i spent all my money in this shit.. i was very functional until all got of my control, and thankfully my girl friend told my parents.. sometimes i would have panic attacks, and in this moments they would try to intern me in a psychiatric ward, but in 3 to 4 days i would be sended back to home..
i had lost my job, girlfriend, my joy in doing things that i one day liked, i'm just sticking around..


i wonder does it i'll get better? every year things have been becoming worst and worst
 
sorry about my english folks


i'm taking vyvanse, haldol, akineton, zyprexa and clonazepam


i have been mainly in benzos since 2013, other drugs would be prescribed later on from my gp,


in the early months of this year i started to take mephentermine vet, it was the shit, and i used and abused for almost the entire year, and intramuscular who would give me a high of 6 hours, and iv which was strong doesn't last more than 30 minutes, i spent all my money in this shit.. i was very functional until all got of my control, and thankfully my girl friend told my parents.. sometimes i would have panic attacks, and in this moments they would try to intern me in a psychiatric ward, but in 3 to 4 days i would be sended back to home..
i had lost my job, girlfriend, my joy in doing things that i one day liked, i'm just sticking around..


i wonder does it i'll get better? every year things have been becoming worst and worst
It's not such an uncommon thing. Plenty of others are in the same situation. What country are you from?

I can tell you this, things start getting better as soon as you genuinely want to get better - but this is also when it gets most difficult. Your willpower will be tested, your beliefs will be questioned. Its the only way out. You've already realized i that the drugs are causing this however every time this happens, it's because of the way the drugs are interacting with your life. Not the immediate high, not the relief (although these things may dictate your choices). It can get worse, much worse before you reach a point where you see that cold turkeying off the stimulants is worth facing the crippling month to year long depression, extreme physiological changes etc etc.

You can get everything you've lost back. Not the same job, not the same girlfriend perhaps, but everything can be reconfigured if you have the willpower to face the music and come down. And it will give you so much more value and enthusiasm once you see that.

I went through the same thing with stimulants. Never got on antidepressants or benzos tho - those are a completely different situation. Every persons physiological reaction to drugs is different however there are similarities. My advice is, try to find others like you offline. Others that respect boundaries and are also in dire need of a lifestyle change. It will be a long arduous road, but it is worth it.
 
Hey subjectividadeep, welcome to Bluelight :)

Sorry to hear things have been so difficult for you this year. Are you trying to quit it all and turn things around? Have you checked out the Recovery Support Forums yet? You might find them very helpful.
 
I'm with you philosophically CFC. I think maybe we should think about moving this one over to one of the recovery forums. Are there any other moderators who can maybe facilitate this movement? I feel like, because the OP is new to the site and does not communicate well in English, maybe we can give him a hand and help explain to him how the forums work and where this sort of material should go? I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but there's really not any acutely valuable harm reduction content contained within this thread...

OP, in the meantime, what would be very helpful is to start by telling us what your native language is and maybe listing some other languages that you might be able to communicate more effectively in. We have a lot of members here on Bluelight from the international community who I'm sure would be happy to help you out. I'm sorry to hear that you're having to go through this. It sounds like your biggest hurdle is going to be the dependence on Benzodiazepines, but let's start from square one and try to figure out an effective way to communicate. We will go from there.

Welcome to Bluelight Subjectividadeep! We are all very happy to have you and look forward to your contributions to our little community!

-Keif'
 
Well, and i think all of it could be different if didn't start with the insomnia treatment, with clonzaepam at first. benzos... abusing them like candy,
in the fisrt prescription that i had in my hands i bought 60 pills and in 2 weeks i was taking 4mg or even 6mg and that was the same year by year, changing to valium, xanax, lorazepam..,

The most sorrow is that i recently did and blood test and found that my cortisol levels are almost nothing, 0,39 mcg/dL, a healthy guy would produce 3,70 to 19,40, and maybe just maybe this was what brought me where i'm now, a missed diagnosis 4 years ago, and i do believe it happened, but i can't blame them, because not every doc is house.

and if could go back in 2013 and did that test, found out that it was no depression like all the doctors though, and just replace the cortisol maybe i would not be taking any other drugs, living a normal life
because in this window of years.. there is no benzo, anti depressives e anti-psychotics that i can't even name it anymore. having tried to stop the benzodiazepines a lot of times but i'ts amazing how terrible is the withdrawn, nothing compared to quit cigs and even powerful amphetamine derivatives.

but i don't know, i got to the doctor after almost 5 days without sleep, and was in pain, so there i think by this side maybe nothing could be different anyways, today i'm very jealous with others who do not have to take anything to simple go by the day.

conclusion: life is a enormous puzzle, and difficult to understand.
 
by all means, it's been the most difficult year of my life, i already quit my usage of menphertemine by 1 month, but the other drugs i do not have power to even think about to quit, i tried and it went very badly.
 
Just because a drug is prescribed doesn't make it safe or harmless, as I am sure you know... sorry to hear about your troubles.

On the bright side, things can and will get better, but it does take active effort and involvement on your part. It's crazy how fast things can fall apart and spiral out of control, seemingly taking little to no effort.

Quitting drugs won't solve all your problems, but it will make you more capable of dealing with problems that arise. The beginning steps of recovery are very painful and difficult, typically it involves dealing with acute and post acute withdrawals and facing all the emotional turmoil we have been trying to avoid with drug use. It starts to get a little easier once you make it through the withdrawals and I think as you start to develop a healthy lifestyle it becomes very rewarding, although still can be a struggle.
 
conclusion: life is a enormous puzzle, and difficult to understand.

I agree. So....to run with the puzzle metaphor a bit...why not get to love puzzles? The more difficult, the more challenging; the more challenging, the more engaging. It sometimes works for me to think this way.:\
 
I agree. So....to run with the puzzle metaphor a bit...why not get to love puzzles? The more difficult, the more challenging; the more challenging, the more engaging. It sometimes works for me to think this way.:\

I think that is a good way to think about it. The more challenging a puzzle is the more rewarding it is when it is completed.
 
Yeah that is a really beautiful way to look at it.
 
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