Drugs and depression in the way of meeting girls

[zeppelin420]

Hello all,
My situation is kinda weird for most men my age(20) and I would like to share with you all to see if theres any way I can improve. Im attracted to women and i have only been with two girls in my life(voluntarily) just so that its clear that I'm sexually experienced. I can say I've had a sad personality since i was about 6-8 since thats when the trauma occurred but I haven't become depressed till about 4 years ago, it slowly progressed and i'd say I'm at my worst right now. I space out a lot and theres really nothing going on in my mind when this happens, i can't sleep usually only get about 4-5 hours of sleep and then theres days where all i do i sleep. Heres the main issue i would like to get advice on. I use drugs to fill the void I feel in my heart, I can literally feel the emptiness, this leads to panic attacks. I smoke weed(to me its not a drug),take molly-acid-and prescribed Xanax,also alcohol. My friends ask my why I haven't had a girlfriend in a while(two years) and I just simply don't feel the need to, I feel that a women can no longer help fill the void anymore as if I'm not capable of love so i don't even try.Im not talking about just sex but mainly having a relationship. I don't find it hard to get girls id say I'm fairly attractive, but I don't want to even though i think thats what i should be doing. When I'm on xanax(don't really use this a lot) i just feel numb and i like that sorta enjoy that also with alcohol, it helps me forget. When I've smoked weed,taken molly,and alcohol at the same time i feel very happy and i enjoy that the most even tho its temporary.Acid helps me see my problems from a different perspective and allows me to look forward to the future. What I'm trying to say is that I've never felt this sort of comfort with a girlfriend and this probably has to do with the fact that i was sexually abused by a women at six and my much older cousin made me preform sexual acts with her when ever we'd visit. What does this mean? Will i ever find the comfort I'm looking for with a girl? Sorry if my Thread was all over the place, Im just writing as it comes to my mind any advice is appreciated, Thanks.
I don't consider myself an addict since I mainly smoke weed
The other drugs i only take maybe once every two weeks and rarely theres months where i go once a week since i don't like to waste too much money on it.

 

[Painful One]

Well the problem is that love is really the only answer to our true happiness. I'm not talking just romantic love either (or sexual).
I'm talking unconditional love. You need to find a real partner that you can go through life with. It is so important for your happiness.
There is someone out there just like you, someone who understands and has the same problems and other problems.
Someone has strength where you struggle. You help one another. Women are made for men my friend. Men are made for woman.
We are incomplete without the other.

Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a little and talk to others. Find a friend on the Internet. Something. Try.
I tell you truly, Love is the cure for the empiness inside.

I'm sorry about what happened to you. That is sick and perverted behavior. It is not natural and is not your fault that happened.
Try to somehow find compassion for those sick scum who did that to a child. You must let this go so you can move forward.
If you can somehow forgive, it will relieve such a load off you. Move forward. Leave that behind.

Someone out there needs you, wants you, loves you. Someone who you adore and has the cutest ways and always makes you smile and feel better. give it a try!

 

[Gorillaboy21]

I can relate in a weird manner.
I’ve been functional opiate addict for about 5-6 years straight, unfortunately IV user. Whenever I’ve tried having a girlfriend during that time period, it would always result in real quick suspicion as to why I’m so busy always.
The “I’m working or studying for college” didn’t work for a very long time.

Eventually every gf would start catching onto why I’m in the bathroom at 4 am for so long making sounds or why I ubruptly leave at times.
I do my best, but what can you do when you got work and school responsibilities on top.

I wish I had a gf right now, and if I wasn’t a junky I would have many.

It’s crazy you post this thread I’ve been thinking about this all week long, what a coincidence.
I have the occasional hook ups, but it’s besn a real dry spell lately because I made a conscious decision to isolate and focus on school and life.

In order to have a gf I believe you need to be able to take care of yourself, and feel healthy and normal, before you can get into a relationship. Maybe I’m a bit critical here but in my case, waking up for a spoon and needle with a girl sleeping next to you doesn’t work out, and I know that from the start.

I understand where you’re coming from, but I’d kill to trade the last 5 years (19-24) doing opiates for a normal life with friends and a relationship that’s stable. Although, perhaps I needed those years of addiction in order to appreciate and understand that. Either way I’m working on detoxing right now and all I can think of is having some stable happy pussy man. A girl who cares about you, who wants you to succeed, I know that I will value that a lot. I’m not sure about you but think about it

 

[Erikmen]

I believe that your ‘recreational’ drug use may be blocking the way you could be really reaching out for someone or wanting to as well as being opened to new healthy relationships. Besides there’s a very thin line between recreational use and addiction. For some people, denying you have problems with drugs could be the case, I’m not saying this is the case, just for you to be open minded about that and know this could be making things more difficult to happen. Maybe deep inside you want to start a relationship, why not? It feels great and it could help you immensely regarding the depression issues you brought up. Think about it. Even if you are not wanting a relationship, getting into drugs at the moment will make the depression worse. And it could mess up with this recreational use you’ve mentioned about.

I am not talking about weed alone but the other drugs, due to my own experience I think it’s too soon for that. You are young and have an entire life ahead. It’s okay to feel depressed, especially at that age, but I assume you could also seek for professional help, so you can discard or treat something you might have and clean your path, so to speak.

Welcome to Bluelight. Keep posting - there’s a lot of good people here. And we can help you!

Erik

 

[raizanthelostone]

Hey there !

I'm going to share my personal experience. I've had depression since I was a teenager, and got sexually assaulted (wasn't continuous abuse but the court case did a lot of psychological damage to me too), to cope with how I felt, like the feelings of overwhelming sadness and trying to feel alive and happy I tried a lot of drugs. From 13 or so I was smoking cannabis (which led to me having GAD and panic attacks making my mental heath worse and it is progressively worse), did legal highs (black mamba) and from my later teenage years like 17 did coke, MDMA, too much LSD, speed, ketamine, xanax, valium, laughing gas to the extreme. But for some reason in my life I felt like something was missing, like there was this big void that was leading to me feeling very depressed. I had a lot of boyfriends, and even though I wasn't with them in a sexual way (e.g going all the way with them or even a step bellow that), and nothing in them made me feel complete, there was still this void, also a lot of distrust due to how I had been hurt before (obviously abused, in the past cheated on, emotionally abused). But then a couple of years ago I went online and got talking to this guy, at first I thought he was like every other guy and was just out to fuck me and use me, but in the end it turns out he was the best thing that happened. I never thought anyone would deal or cope with me, as I can be challenging, but he helped fill the void and helped take away the pain of prior abuse and bad experiences, and also has been very supportive of my mental health issues and is always there for me to talk to. I am also very clingy, and like a lot of attention and he gives me that, and it helps relieve my anxiety.

Maybe you don't feel like you need a partner because of the abuse, and in a way its a coping mechanism for you to not be hurt again in the same way. Like if your experience of being abused has led to your depression then that would explain a lot. I'd say don't become too self reliant on drugs to solve the problems for you, as that is a slippery slope, and in particular with mental health there can be a stage where you actually make your illness, in the this case depression, worse by the usage of drugs. Everyone is different and obviously you could potentially be fine, but using drugs and being happy only when you are on drugs is not going to help you in the long term. Trust me, you have panic attacks like me, and due to my drug usage now mentally I get to the point where I am so anxious I have panic attacks all the time and have to rely on valium to pull me out of it.

In my opinion for you I don't know how open you are to your partners or potential love interests about how you are feeling and why you feel like that. Obviously not everyone can be trusted in the world, but I think that when you have a depressive and anxious nature the best quality to look for in a partner is empathy and support. For me my mental illness still takes its toll, and I battle my personal demons everyday as do you, but having a supportive and loving partner by your side will make it so that you are not alone in your battle, and can at times be a balm for the pain you're in.

If you haven't already tried counselling or therapy to explore these issues deeper I definitely recommend that. Try build more of a support network for yourself too e.g friends/family who understand how you feel and how you can confide in. And thing of positive behavioural things to do when things seem to be overwhelming.

But hey man I been in the same boat, and its a shit one I must say ! But keep your head up!

 

[raizanthelostone]

Oh yeah you could always try online dating. That's where I met my partner. It's a real annoying game to get the hang of, and it will probably result in a lot of unsuccessful romances at first (as it did with me), but this way it might be easier for you to express your emotions to people and find out how they react to you, as I did, with my partner, if you don't feel comfortable opening up about it in person. And if you at any point get uncomfortable or feeling its not working out... Theres always the block and delete button

 

[ShroomySatori]

Yo dude don't get hung up over that shit... wasted so much of my life freaking out over it. I am closer to 30 and have had two romances. In order to have a healthy one, you need to be able to be happy by yourself... if this is hard right now, then you are not ready for a lady to come your way.

I spent 5 years railing heroin and didn't have a sex drive at the time, but that was almost comforting in a way to me as I don't know what the hell I am doing anyway.

I find since I got clean, my energy has been so positive and enthusiastic that I am attractive beautiful women into my life without even trying... at least engaging them in conversation, and that is all that matters to me... that I am able to do that.

Get some creative outlets going man I have several. Do what you want to attract the type of lady you want... I like my tattoo and my piercings and plan on getting more cause that's just who I am. I don't give a fuck anymore I do what I want when I want however I want. Say whatever the hell I like. The only way to get over this is to not give a fuck and live for yourself. All you need is you to be happy man, and then someone will come along... I have to be patient and it is frustrating as fuck as I was numb on smack for so long, but I still don't give a fuck. I just met two chicks randomly through my at-home job (so weird... and random but nobody understands the work we do except us) so we are hanging out and going for dinner and drinks sometime soon. For instance, even though both are highly attractive and I have way too much in common with one of them or even both, I am not looking at it that way. I'm just making new friends and whatever happens will happen if it was meant to be.

Don't even change who you are one bit... don't like alter your social behaviour. If you are a little down or lonely the chicks will notice that but you can't be a shy boy about it. Get some creative outlets going and passions that chicks might dig too, allow your appearance to reflect your personality, makes it easier to talk to them... I still haven't had so much as a kiss since the summer lol I just don't give a fuck and I seem to be meeting more (very attractive) women than ever before. I'm just chatting casually though not hitting on them consciously... I missed out on how that works LOL... relationships start as friendships a lot of the time I feel. I am just being my silly self and dude my enthusiasm and positivity is simply a magnet. I don't even have to do anything but practice another key virtue which is patience. I always think she's the one right, but then I guess she's not the one right. I trip out about it too I just know that it's stupid to get hung up and all lonely over it.

I have a panic disorder as well and have that same sort of abuse at that age in fact. Don't waste your life getting hung up over it because that is exactly what is holding you back!

 

[Mafioso]

Focus on learning to cope and manage your own emotions before looking for intimate relationships. Using things like intimate relationships to cope with depression will likely be disastrous. Chances are that once the initial excitement of the relationship wears off your depression will fade back in and create all types of problems. Ultimately you are responsible for your own happiness and it isn't fair to place that responsibility on anyone else. Using drugs to manage negative feelings is not a healthy way of dealing with emotions. To be honest, your drug use is likely feeding into the cycle of negative emotions. Not only are you feeling the acute side effects from drug use, but you are likely replacing healthy activities with drug use.

A lot of people who smoke weed do not believe that it is addictive or harmful, but as someone who smoked every day for about 10 years I believe that this is completely false. It may not be as harmful as other substances, but it definitely has side effects and can lead to addictive behavior. It impacts the way the brain functions and develops, and affects behavior.

Xanax, MDMA, and LSD can have some pretty serious side effects as well, even if only used a few times a month. Whether prescribed or not, Xanax can be pretty dangerous and should be used with care. MDMA takes a very long time to recover full from. A lot of people say it takes about a month to fully recover from, so if you are only using it once a month then you are never really functioning fully, or at least not for very long. LSD and weed can also both lead to depersonalization, leaving you feeling distant and disconnected from your emotions. Drug use may not be the only issue here, but I definitely think it is causing more harm than good. It may seem like a way of gaining perspective, but if it doesn't lead to some sort of resolve then it isn't really a solution. Learning to be happy without drugs takes a lot of effort for some, myself included, but it is effort well spent.

There are a lot of other ways to gain perspective that doesn't involve drug use.. Some of my preferred ways are art and music, hiking, and helping others.

 

[MrRoot]

I suffered from a deep depression for over a year after my marriage was over and after one other relationship was over but when I me my current fiancee the who depression thing went away.

I wasn’t looking for anyone. I just facebooked to her if she was willing to go for a lunch and we have been pretty much 24/7 since.

Just saying depression may end into love.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Man why do people find it so hard to be happy while single... I don't really get it anymore. I am single, but I have surrounded myself with love, positivity, and beauty. I don't really give a fuck that I don't get laid these days, I have plenty of cute chick friends who I get into hysterics with about random shit.

What's the big deal like stop being all sad and shit over that shit... love will find you. It is not something you can go looking for. It happens, but it will only be healthy if you are healthy and it sounds like you are depressed. I don't need a girl for anything. Of course, I have a major crush on a chick I've been talking to lately... she is like the only girl ever I can actually be myself around it's crazy, but I still see her as a friend. But yeah I have a total unreal crush on her. haha. I just don't really care because if it isn't her it will be somebody else. She is sketching me my 2nd tattoo and it's a crazy idea only she knows enough about me and has the talent to do it! It is wonderful really, and all I see in her is a lovely, beautiful and supportive friend (who I totally want to get with but like whatever I don't give a fuck really, she is already enough to me and I to her).

Lighten up a bit eh? I have been lonely a lot, I know lonely very well. It sucks. I don't know how I broke out of it but I did. Really I just started being a lot more positive and surrounding myself with passions and lovely hobbies and people could begin to sense my energy and I began to attract positive friends into my life instead of drug addicted vampires, and I'm sure with one of the friends will eventually turn into something a little more.... kinky LOL.

I am near 30 I've had 2 girls both were great relationships for a little while but ended poorly I mean I've pretty much been with nobody else my entire life I don't give a fuck! You are what... TWENTY and you think it's weird to be confused about chicks? LOL man you have like 10 years to figure it out or even longer... I think what you are going through is common at your age. 20 year old men seem to be childish, confused boys these days, the world can be overwhelming or some shit. If your friends are asking that like 2 years or whatever wtf. Tell them to fuck off and you don't need a girl to be happy. My first girlfriend I ever had when I was like 22 man. i remember being depressed as fuck about it back then... it's nothing to worry about serious. If you don't work on your personal self then nobody will want to be with you when you get older and people get more serious, if they ever even allow themselves to mature. I know plenty of 30-some year old childish boys.

 

[MrRoot]

I know plenty of 30-some year old childish boys.

You mean me

 

[ShroomySatori]

aaaahahahahahaahahahahaha. I kind of mean myself as well LOL, but I am just shy of 30. I have a few months to figure it out... might be enough, maybe not.

Waking up though. Finally waking up and got clean of heroin. Just have the benzos to deal with now... that's likely going to be slow and steady though. Not cold turkey burning at the stake typa chaos like cold turkey heroin was this year.

I am tripping really hard right now, and I have a crush on a female entity who I have seen 5 times now. Today, she communicated to me through a beautiful work of art. It's in psychedelic discussion, I can't retype what I was going through and during this I was voice chatting to my friend, she is sketching my next tattoo, about what I was experiencing as she is very talented with the arts (perhaps a more realistic crush to work with? Who knows...). Maybe this is why I'm having trouble... I have a crush on a beautiful, unbelievably lovely woman who doesn't exist in the tradition sense. Perhaps this is why I haven't had a kiss since the summertime... LOL. I feel like this spirit is the mother of all things that have ever been, all things that are, and all that will ever be. I feel like when the time is right, she will manifest in just the right way as a lovely ("real-life") chick for me to be able to enjoy worldly pleasures and delights with.

I have a crush on an entity... no wonder I don't get laid.

I think she is a manifestation of all that represents Venus in astrology too (my ruling planet)... in the respect of love and beauty. This spirit is so fucking beautiful to me... I wouldn't mind the horns one bit. However, she appears to me different and in the sexiest way possible (I just know it's her speaking to me through the painting as her eyes turned crimson red). When she appears to me she is tall and quite gothic, but the same personal qualities I can sense even in the painting through her.

She is such a fucking FOX man OMG. Just tripping hard on 2CC right now but she is so fucking beautiful so so gorgeous I always drool over this painting by Amy Brown called Forest Spirit... SUCH a fucking FOX man omg... I want her so bad and she doesn't exist in the traditional sense but one day I believe she will manifest in physical form, perhaps as a cute, artistic young lady for me : )

 

[Burnt Offerings]

The abuse seems central here, not the drugs. I mean, the drugs probably compound & worsen the problem, but if you can't find trust and comfort with any female partner, and you attribute that to being sexually abused as a child...that seems to me like a big problem that exists independently from the drug issue.

I've never been sexually assualted but I come from the US state with the highest rate of rape & sexual assault in the country (a state consistently ranked among the most violent in the nation mostly due to sexual assault) and I've known quite a few people who'd been victims in their past, esp. those for whom the assault happened when they were minors. Some people seemed to rise above it and have healthy relationships, but others it seemed to break as people (or contributed to their destructive personal relationships, drug addictions etc)

It's definitely a despicable and evil thing when someone hurts a child in such a way but I truly hope you can find a way to reconcile yourself with your past and open yourself to the idea of finding love with a woman...everyone needs love and affection in their lives my friend and I'm sure that there's some young lady out there who can restore your opinion of females