OP, I support your right to end your physical existence. I do believe we all have that right. I also firmly believe that few of us actually have the will to carry out that right. The decision to die, like the decision to live, is the most private and personal decision. They both involve incredible uncertainty. You cannot know where life will take you, what advances may be made in science, medicine and even cultural revolutions that may affect profoundly how you feel about life. You also cannot know if your beliefs about death are founded in any truth at all. No one understands consciousness. Not one of us can make that claim though everyone wants to from the religious to atheists and everything in between.
What I would have you consider is this. There is a part of you that wants human connection and interaction. By starting this dialogue, you invite the opinions of others. No one is going to encourage you to die because we know nothing about your circumstances nor the very personal source of your despair at life and add to that that many of us here have been seriously suicidal at some point on our lives and have discovered an unexpected release from those feelings not to mention a "new lease on life". One thing we do not ever get is a crystal ball.
There is one thing I am going to suggest and it comes from my own experience. Have you considered a life dedicated to helping others as a way to sidestep the very black and white choice between existence and non-existence? The night of the day I discovered my son's dead body, I left my husband and other son and the friends that had gathered in our home and told them I needed to go back to his apartment. I stood in that absence and "knew" I had to follow him. I went north of town, to a cliff I know very well and stood with my toes over the edge. It was my older son, a son who still (unless he ever reads this) has no knowledge of that act, who literally, though psychically, pulled me back, pushed me step by step back to my car, pressed the gas pedal back to town where I sat facing my lit windows and looking from the outside in. I decided to live, not for myself--I could have easily gone as I felt the same peace you are experiencing within the thought of death. Instead, I agreed with myself to live for him primarily, but for my husband and mother and sister and my students and all the people in the world that like my son were themselves experiencing the painful aspects of being alive. Could you say to yourself, "OK, I'll dedicate the rest of the time this body has to saving a species on the brink? To making life better for one person you love or for an abandoned animal? It is a powerful thing to be able to see that you can transform your own pain by connecting to another's. I cannot claim to be so selfless that I live only for others but it most certainly was the vehicle that pulled me back into life and not only that but connected me much more profoundly to life than I have ever experienced since early childhood. At least check it out in whatever way fits in your life.
Perhaps your will to end it will persist stronger than anything else, but use this thread to explore the part of you that simply wants your emptiness to die. That emptiness fluctuates throughout life. It is the void that we all fear while living but embrace in our thoughts when we imagine dying. Again, I would point out that whatever you believe death is is simply
belief constructed by a living brain. The way I look at it is that life has certainly been one surprise after another so death more than likely will be as well. I come from a pretty vague belief system that was born of early use of psychedelics which tends to give a person a very open mind about the nature of consciousness. I know what human consciousness looks like while in the body, but I cannot claim to know what it will look like--if anything--from the other side.
One last thought: this level of suicidal ideation (where there is a calm acceptance, even a feeling of freedom and security) may be our mind's attempt at giving us a desperately needed resting place. Fatalistic thinking is exhausting and draining and is truly the snake swallowing forever its own tail. We have powerful, powerful minds and it would not surprise me in the least to find this is actually an act of self preservation.
