Yes this may seem like a slightly click-baity title, but it is justified by the content.
Background: I never so much as drank alcohol until around age 30. I started with acid and shrooms at 28 which changed my life overnight and made me an enthusiastic psychonaut, after which I grew to love the occasional MDMA roll, and I used cannabis when available (I live in a country where weed is so expensive and taboo I never considered it an option at this point) as well as dabbling with a dozen or so of the most “famous” drugs other than meth, opiates, etc. and some more obscure psychedelics.
I always traveled overseas to do drugs other than acid, but I have no friends or family and sobriety became so boring that eventually I wanted to incorporate them into my daily life. Tolerance prevents tripping more than once a month (I know, DMT, but it’s always been terrifying to me and not an option for a "go-to" regular use drug), so my only choices were weed and alcohol. I decided to get a volcano vape and I learned to make a gram of weed, which again is literally more expensive than gold here, last a month even getting high multiple times a day. Weed makes me really anxious and I'm not sure why I wanted to do it, but I did so compulsively for a year and change. Maybe I just liked the "idea" of weed? Recently I used the last of my weed and quit. I have no real desire to return to it other than when travelling.
After a year of weed, I've gained 90 pounds, quit all my hobbies, become severely depressed (I do nothing but work (at home) and sleep and my house is now unimaginably filthy). I had hoped quitting weed would put me “back to normal”, but it hasn’t and now I've started drinking heavily instead. I tell myself I'm drinking to try to make friends, but I always just go to a bar, waste a lot of money, get really wasted alone, and after a couple of years I have yet to make a friend. I also take small doses of alprazolam several times a week to regulate my sleeping (or just to knock myself out when I'm not working because I'm too depressed to do anything other than work).
I'm sure I'm not addicted to alcohol or alprazolam because I go for weeks without using them (and I’ve never increased my alp. dosage even once) and it doesn't bother me, but the former is definitely becoming a problem in terms of psychological addiction and abuse. Fwiw I’ve also tried coke a few times and I hated it.
Amongst all this, as I've searched for MDMA among my hard-won local contacts (there are no darknet vendors here and I would never risk international shipping), I've constantly been offered meth--sometimes even for free! But I'd always told myself I'd never do meth due to the horror stories not only in the media but also on boards like this and Shroomery.
However, as I transition from a stoner to a de facto alcoholic, I find myself wondering:
I've become fat as shit which will probably have me in an early grave especially with the sleep apnea and I'm almost always drinking, plus I'm so depressed that I can barely leave the house except to go get drunk. And I'm wary of SSRIs with the suicidal ideation and other side effects, not to mention that going to a doctor to get them might entail an unsolicited drug test which I might fail (no doctor patient privilege where I live).
So in conclusion, especially considering that I've never become physically addicted to anything and after reading stuff by people like Dr. Carl Hart, I'm starting to think trying meth isn't this no-turning-back life-ending decision that I used to think it was. If nothing else I'd eat less and become motivated to clean my house, right (I hear that meth users compulsively clean and get other shit done)? I figure if I approach it like benzos (which I also read lots of horror stories about and most sources warn is “extremely addictive” although that wasn’t the case with me in the slightest), deciding a low dose range and never going beyond it and never using an ROI other than oral I could actually end up improving my quality of life.
And as a final aside, MDMA is the only drug that allows me to not be a wallflower. Even ten beers isn’t enough for me to “dance”. So perhaps taking meth and going to see music might be a healthier (both physically and socially) way to meet people than being a barfly.
So, are there any occasional oral meth users out there who can tell me I would or would not be making a huge mistake by going down this path?
Background: I never so much as drank alcohol until around age 30. I started with acid and shrooms at 28 which changed my life overnight and made me an enthusiastic psychonaut, after which I grew to love the occasional MDMA roll, and I used cannabis when available (I live in a country where weed is so expensive and taboo I never considered it an option at this point) as well as dabbling with a dozen or so of the most “famous” drugs other than meth, opiates, etc. and some more obscure psychedelics.
I always traveled overseas to do drugs other than acid, but I have no friends or family and sobriety became so boring that eventually I wanted to incorporate them into my daily life. Tolerance prevents tripping more than once a month (I know, DMT, but it’s always been terrifying to me and not an option for a "go-to" regular use drug), so my only choices were weed and alcohol. I decided to get a volcano vape and I learned to make a gram of weed, which again is literally more expensive than gold here, last a month even getting high multiple times a day. Weed makes me really anxious and I'm not sure why I wanted to do it, but I did so compulsively for a year and change. Maybe I just liked the "idea" of weed? Recently I used the last of my weed and quit. I have no real desire to return to it other than when travelling.
After a year of weed, I've gained 90 pounds, quit all my hobbies, become severely depressed (I do nothing but work (at home) and sleep and my house is now unimaginably filthy). I had hoped quitting weed would put me “back to normal”, but it hasn’t and now I've started drinking heavily instead. I tell myself I'm drinking to try to make friends, but I always just go to a bar, waste a lot of money, get really wasted alone, and after a couple of years I have yet to make a friend. I also take small doses of alprazolam several times a week to regulate my sleeping (or just to knock myself out when I'm not working because I'm too depressed to do anything other than work).
I'm sure I'm not addicted to alcohol or alprazolam because I go for weeks without using them (and I’ve never increased my alp. dosage even once) and it doesn't bother me, but the former is definitely becoming a problem in terms of psychological addiction and abuse. Fwiw I’ve also tried coke a few times and I hated it.
Amongst all this, as I've searched for MDMA among my hard-won local contacts (there are no darknet vendors here and I would never risk international shipping), I've constantly been offered meth--sometimes even for free! But I'd always told myself I'd never do meth due to the horror stories not only in the media but also on boards like this and Shroomery.
However, as I transition from a stoner to a de facto alcoholic, I find myself wondering:
I've become fat as shit which will probably have me in an early grave especially with the sleep apnea and I'm almost always drinking, plus I'm so depressed that I can barely leave the house except to go get drunk. And I'm wary of SSRIs with the suicidal ideation and other side effects, not to mention that going to a doctor to get them might entail an unsolicited drug test which I might fail (no doctor patient privilege where I live).
So in conclusion, especially considering that I've never become physically addicted to anything and after reading stuff by people like Dr. Carl Hart, I'm starting to think trying meth isn't this no-turning-back life-ending decision that I used to think it was. If nothing else I'd eat less and become motivated to clean my house, right (I hear that meth users compulsively clean and get other shit done)? I figure if I approach it like benzos (which I also read lots of horror stories about and most sources warn is “extremely addictive” although that wasn’t the case with me in the slightest), deciding a low dose range and never going beyond it and never using an ROI other than oral I could actually end up improving my quality of life.
And as a final aside, MDMA is the only drug that allows me to not be a wallflower. Even ten beers isn’t enough for me to “dance”. So perhaps taking meth and going to see music might be a healthier (both physically and socially) way to meet people than being a barfly.
So, are there any occasional oral meth users out there who can tell me I would or would not be making a huge mistake by going down this path?