help

[lost2086]

I really don't want it on my records if i am prescribed suboxone. Is there any way to keep it private?

 

[oldhippytony]

Assuming you are in the USA, if so, in addition to standard HIPAA laws, federal regulations mandate strict confidentiality for information about patients being treated for substance use disorders (42 CFR Part 2). Additionally, the law requires written patient consent before information about substance abuse treatment can be disclosed to any other source. For buprenorphine treatment, this may include any communications with other physicians, treatment centers, significant others, or pharmacies >>> https://www.buppractice.com/node/12266

 

[davestate]

I really don't want it on my records if i am prescribed suboxone. Is there any way to keep it private?

From what I understand of US law (and I'm not from the US) and prescription monitoring requirements, if you're prescribed a scheduled medication, that prescription will be recorded in a database that any Dr will have access to in the future that they will search if they are going to prescribe you any scheduled opiate. It will be private in the sense noone outside of your Dr or pharmacist will be able to know about it, but it will be in your medical records, it will have to be, not least for your own safety. Don't let that put you off, from the sounds of your situation, it's only gonna get worse if you do nothing about it

 

[jdfisse]

Great post OHT, especially the last sentence. Helping others is perhaps the highest aspiration of the human heart... I also appreciate the responsible treatment of buprenorphine that you alluded to.

OP, while a replacement therapy may be helpful for you, there is additional questions and concerns that are brought up. What do you plan to do to deal with the underlying issues that have led to continuous use. Yes, upon first use the high is often enjoyable enough to be the reason to continue seeking. 10 years down the road there is more to the story. Have you truly gone through the grieving process around the death of your mother? In short posts we cannot truly get a sense of what that relationship was like or more importantly what your perception of that relationship was like.

Now on the topic of loneliness...and mindfulness. I can experience loneliness in any moment, it is a natural human state of being. If I experience loneliness in all moments then I am living in a self-created fantasy. If you are perpetually lonely you will not be able to think your way out of the loneliness. Only action will sate that desire for connection.

12 step fellowships offer one solution, but there are many available. A 12 step fellowship meeting is a gathering of people who are all stuck in the same disconnected boat. You will meet others who are seeking connection. You can find other places to make connection, but 12 step meetings are basically designed to serve that purpose.

Perpetual loneliness is an illusion based in self-pity. I will give you an example: I am happily married and have been for over 11 years. My wife was out of town recently and she continually asked me on every call, "do you miss me?" It occurred to me that at that moment I did not miss her. Why would I miss her? I was connecting with her. I told her, "There are moments throughout the day where I say, 'I wish my wife was here to see this!', but those are only moments. Who would want to be around a person who walks around in a perpetual state of misery?" In my past it was virtually unfathomable how I attached myself to every feeling. It was as if I was made of velcro. Everything stuck to me. If you want some freedom it is highly likely that a replacement drug alone will not provide anything beyond temporary relief. No matter what chemical you choose I encourage you to seek more than chemical relief.

 

[oldhippytony]

Where I'm from, some doctors that prescribe are affiliated with clinics and require that patients attend group or individual counseling (or both) as a condition of treatment. In other words, you don't get the suboxone unless you do X, Y and Z. At the other end of the continuum are doctors who simply write the scripts for as long as the patient writes the checks, within state and federal guidelines. My doctor, at first, insisted that I see a therapist and provide him with verification of same. I went back a week later and he didn't mention a thing about therapy. At our next appointment, I gave him the copy of an NA meeting schedule and told him I was going to 12-step meetings. He hasn't mentioned a thing since. With that said, I'm not a "problem" patient and he isn't concerned with diversion in my case.

I say this to say, in my opinion, if your anonymity is a concern, your greatest risk is not with patient records. If group counseling is a condition of treatment, your anonymity may be compromised in that setting. Your attendance in group counseling or 12-step meetings are supposed to be confidential, yet at times this tenet is ignored. Don't let that stand in the way of you getting the help you need ... and you do need help. Your chances of beating this condition alone are slim.

Best to you. Keep us posted please.

 

[lost2086]

I just made an appointment. They can't get me in until next wed. bc of the holiday. I'm pretty nervous. I know I need help though. Part of me feels a huge relief though. it's weird. I'm nervous when they test my urine I might now have any that day if my dealer is dry or if I have no money to get any.

 

[Stargazer]

Hey Lost-

Getting free is a process w ups and downs. Its rarely a straight line from using to not.

Can you aquire gabapentin or lyrica. They can help tremendously. They will tone down w/d symptoms - both physical and mental symptoms.

I like what jdfisse said about being a derelict. Even though I've been messing up - I force myself to keep my house clean and myself clean, etc. Very good point jd.

Hang in there Lost. It takes time and usually isnt something we can do alone.

 

[lost2086]

I'm actually prescribed gabapentin which is why i think the physical symptoms don't get too bad. My biggest hurdle is the "I want to feel happy for a little while" and then I make the call. I really hope suboxone can help with that.

 

[cj]

Suboxone can help with that. I hate to play doctor but don't start out taking some crazy dose like 24mgs a day. Even if the doctors prescribe that which they may try starting at 8mg and see how you feel. It'll be easier on your body that way and you can build up an emergency stash. I saved up enough to not see the doctor for a year when I was on sub

Your making a good choice to get on sub though. Maintenance is an amazing tool especially if it's combined with counseling

 

[lost2086]

It's weird. The pills have really become my best friend and it's like I'm preparing to say goodbye to them.

 

[Stargazer]

^completely normal. There's a very real sorrow to letting go of our doc.

Subs will definitely help. I'd kill to have some subs. Cj is right about not taking insane amts of subs. Its very potent.

On day 1 w subs I allow myself to take 8mg. But 2mg after a couple days works well.

 

[oldhippytony]

I'm nervous when they test my urine I might now have any that day if my dealer is dry or if I have no money to get any.

or your car might break down, or you may get hit by a bus, or your connection might give you double what you normally get, yada, yada.
You are getting ahead of yourself. We do that at times. It's best if we just try to focus on the now, keep it in today. Getting ahead of ourselves often brings unwarranted "stuff." We don't need unnecessary stuff. We already have necessary stuff enough.

Great job making the appointment. Keep us posted.

And I'm sorry I never expressed my condolences on the passing of your mom. It should've been the first thing I wrote.

I just read what cj wrote about some doctor's over-prescribing. Read up here about dosage levels, especially from those of us with direct experience with such matters.

 

[lost2086]

Thank you I do appreciate your help. I've been reading about subs today and people describe that they help them feel "normal" i'm not even sure i remember what i normally feel like. All i do is wait for my next high. I'm nervous I'm going to hate this "normal" feeling.

 

[oldhippytony]

I'm nervous I'm going to hate this "normal" feeling.

Yeah. And you might love this "normal" feeling. Or you might love it at times and hate it at times. It's all conjecture at this point. Nobody really knows what their recovery will be like until they take that courageous leap. Even then, it's day to day. Keep it in today. You still have 8 todays between today and your appointment.
Read up on "suboxone induction" between now and then.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Where I'm from, some doctors that prescribe are affiliated with clinics and require that patients attend group or individual counseling (or both) as a condition of treatment. In other words, you don't get the suboxone unless you do X, Y and Z. At the other end of the continuum are doctors who simply write the scripts for as long as the patient writes the checks, within state and federal guidelines. My doctor, at first, insisted that I see a therapist and provide him with verification of same. I went back a week later and he didn't mention a thing about therapy. At our next appointment, I gave him the copy of an NA meeting schedule and told him I was going to 12-step meetings. He hasn't mentioned a thing since. With that said, I'm not a "problem" patient and he isn't concerned with diversion in my case.

I say this to say, in my opinion, if your anonymity is a concern, your greatest risk is not with patient records. If group counseling is a condition of treatment, your anonymity may be compromised in that setting. Your attendance in group counseling or 12-step meetings are supposed to be confidential, yet at times this tenet is ignored. Don't let that stand in the way of you getting the help you need ... and you do need help. Your chances of beating this condition alone are slim.

Best to you. Keep us posted please.

My best experience with buprenorphine has always been when its been used in conjunction with an IOP or some form of therapy. Just using buprenorphine alone will probably help, but it won't be nearly as helpful as using it in conjunction with individual therapy and whatever other forms of individual, group, professional or peer support one's inclined towards.

I like to think of this stuff like being an investment. The more (money, time and energy) one devotes to their recovery, mental and physical wellbeing, the better on's chances are for finding lasting success.

Often it takes a lot of mistakes before one learn what it right for the individual, so try not to be too hard on yourself OP. Recovery is very much about learning and development, and that kind of stuff takes time and a lot of support. No one can do it alone, but anyone can do it once they find what works for them.

And in that vein (no pun intended), the more you explore your options the better off you'll be. For now go with your gut. It something feels wrong it's probably better put off and, at most, revisited once you feel more stable. For now stick to the gentler, kinder options, would be my advice.

 

[Stargazer]

^this .

I agree 100%

 

[cj]

Thank you I do appreciate your help. I've been reading about subs today and people describe that they help them feel "normal" i'm not even sure i remember what i normally feel like. All i do is wait for my next high. I'm nervous I'm going to hate this "normal" feeling.

Then methodone is probably your best option. It gives a small opiated feeling Everytime you dose. Suboxone doesn't do that at all really.

 

[Stargazer]

^and this (what cj said)

I've been on both Suboxone and methadone - I illicitly obtained Subs So I wasn't doing it properly I'm sure. So I wasn't getting the full benefits.

I was on Methadone as well. As cj pointed out- I experienced an opiated feeling after dosing that lasted for 3-4 hours.

I get ambitious when buzzed on opiates. So I would accomplish things like cleaning, organzing, etc.

I think it's worth mentioning that some of us need to split-dose. Which is simply.splitting your daily methadone dose and taking a portion in the 2nd half of the day.

I mentioned this because I unneccessarily sufferred. My dose didn't hold me for 24hrs. I would start to feel w/d symptoms at 4pm everyday.

I spent a couple years-yes years lol- restless, anxious, drenched in a cold sweat, difficulty sleeping or not sleeping, etc. A blood test showed I was an aberrant metabolizer. Which means I quickly metabolized my methadone dose.

In fact, my methadone level was so low that I was outright asked if I was really swallowing my dose. I absolutely was. So I was observed even more closely , i.e. watched by nurse even more closely (to the point of being absurd). Made to open my mouth wide, lift my tongue up and down and sideways-made to stay additional time after dosing. It felt like I was I was being punished for having aberrant metabolism.

I digress, it was a horrible way to live that had a very simple solution: Take a majority of my dose in the a.m. and the rest in the late afternoon. I was on 120mg-so I took 80mg in a.m. and 40mg anywhere from 4-6 p.m.

I didn't ever fail urine tests. I came to the clinic everyday. I was a good patient. However, you had to ask for take homes. They didnt offer them. So, if you take this route- you may have to speak up. For some reason they didn't get around to split-dosing me either.

I eventually left the clinic and went to a Dr. That rx'd methadone. At least the clinic referred me to him.

 

[lost2086]

Well I made it a day without a pill. Honestly it's bc my dealer doesn't have any. I'm feeling so anxious. The xanax really isn't helping. I have some stressors that are making it really hard today. I'm trying so hard.

 

[lost2086]

I don't think I can do methadone, as i'm a teacher and I can't visit a clinic every day.