help

[lost2086]

I think I need advice. I'm a teacher, started my opiate abuse about 10yrs ago when my mom would share her prescription with me. I've suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life and opiates seem to be the only thing that made me feel happy. Since my addiction started my mother has died and I'm incredibly lonely and the only thing that keeps me going is my next high. I know I need to stop but I don't feel like I have the strength to, and I feel like it's the only joy I have in my life anyway. I'm broke and work 2 jobs to afford the pills. Would I be a good canidate for subuxone? I'm worried about having anything on my perm. record. Right now I can't afford a pill for a few days and feel beyond lost and my anxiety is killing me. I've never posted before and no one in my life knows I have this addiction so I can't talk to them. I know I need help, I just don't know what to do. I seem to associate a lot of stuff with going to get high. Like just driving my car makes me think I want to be driving to get some. Has anyone else experienced this? Any tips to fight thru it?

 

[CFC]

Hey there lost, welcome to bluelight

Sorry to hear about your troubles, that really sucks and I can see it's affecting you badly

I really recommend you head over to Sober Living, share your story and ask for some ideas and tips on how to approach this. You may also find the Mental Health Forum useful.

Best wishes,
CFC

 

[Gelflingrrrl]

I admire your bravery, even online asking for help is the first step. I think you would be a great candidate for suboxone. I’ve been opiate free the whole time I have been on it. You’ll have to find someone licensed to prescribe it, and find someone u like. I’m lucky enough to have a psychiatrist who has a liscened suboxone dispenser. I see him once a month and I’m responsible for bringing any extras in so he can see it isn’t being diverted. Once you get to a blocking dose, you’ll have tolerance and there would be no point in taking extra. I doubt you’d be selling yours but many do and they hold these prescribers to very strict rules; tell them the truth and follow their rules as they could lose their license and you’ll lose your doctor. You’ll need to let yourself get sick; go a couple days without any opiates, then start at the lfowest dose you can. I was at 24mg a day under a different doctor who used to work at a methadone clinic and clearly was still in the mode of “get them to a high dose & they’ll pay you for life” thought mode that isthe reality at most methadone clinics. Another reason I recommend a psychiatrist / liscened therapist to help with the underlying pain that’s causing you to want to be numb.Before Suboxone, I was on over 200mg of Methadone a day, and I was 22 and weighed 100 pounds. Their answer to EVERYTHING was raise the dose and being a dumb basically teenager addict. Whatever you do DONT go on methadone; I can go into why in another post.. I feel exactly the same on 4mg sub as I did on 32mg. And much much better than I felt on methadone, and I just pick up my prescription; no clinic. Taking those couple days off will help you figure out your lowest effective dose. I’d definitely recommend that you try and find a psychiatrist who is either liscened to prescribe; don’t get caught up in some “Suboxone clinic”. Not having to go to a clinic where I was always surrounded by others with opiate addiction; more drugs are moved from the parking lot of methadone etc clinics than almost anywhere other than from being a young person in NA. I’m not a big fan of group therapy for this. If you don’t think you can hold off for a couple days before you start, do you have any vacation time? You could take three days and check in somewhere; take a Wed-Fri off and research which short term places use suboxone (or subutex which is just suboxone without the naltrexone) you could get a couple days off and be started under observation. Even after a heroin experience, an insane tolerance I still was nodding in the afternoon the first day they gave me either 2 or 4 mg. IBy day two, that was no longer happening I just had more focusand energy and I kept the dose low; high doses can cause anxiety and they’re already treating me with Valium.If u don’t check in somewhere, try and get as low as you can before the appt when you’ll get your prescription ( and you should ask if there is a preliminary appointment before you get to fill a prescription). Then take the he day off when you take your first on to see how it affects you.You’ll thank yourself for tapering down your regular opiate, as buprenorphine has a higher affinity for opiate receptors than basically anything else and would kick them out of your receptors and make you feel like crap rather than the extreme relief that will occurk if you let those receptors empty to the point where you don’t feel well. Also it will be more effective and easier to judge your dose- otherwise your brain will trick you into thinking you need mor. And to stereotypes, I’m not some skank; I graduated 12th in a class of 300 in high school and did all sorts of activities. I went to UNC Chapel Hill.i got a bit wild w my experimenting as a freshman (I’m 40); speaking of diverted drugs ev ryone knows ADD Meds like Dexedrine are just amphetamines; I was determined to stay on the honor roll even though I was putting following bands around with and an incredibly bad influence of a boyfriend (I’d smoked pot about three times before I met him: it was still my choice, but he was incredibly smart, yet still unhappy; I wasn’t used to attention from guys, had no experience spotting controllers and isolating behaviors; . AI idn’t have the strength then to see past my first real boyfriend and relationship; I thought I wasn’t good enough for him; I am five feet tall and lost 40 pounds my freshman year and the summer after. I looked in the mirror; my hair was falling out, I had to go home and tell my folks I needed help- they assumed that I had an eating disorder and were in total shock. God bless suboxone and the therapist I’ve found; been years since I did an opiate; decades since I did any hard drugs. He has no problem w me smoking pot; I’m honest with him and they think that that’s better than increasing benzos and it’s good if it helps anxiety and slows me down a bit ( as you can see from the length, especially first thing in the morning I’m pretty high strung. I hope this helps.

 

[Bananananas]

Suboxone for me has been life saving like the above poster mentioned, find a good doc that you can build a trusting relationship with. This is what I did and have not used opiates since. All I had to do was fail a drug test for opiates and show proof ( in this case) my track marks were enough to convince any doc I needed subs for opioid maintenance. That was five years ago, never thought I'd live past 25 but I did. So find a doc there are many that can help you (@ least where I am) most will help with monetary problem s if you have them and there is a voucher that can be printed off to help with cost of the drug. You sound like a good candidate for this type of therapy, I'd also add that I've managed to get down to 8 mg every other day for 16 every day so it is easy to eventually get down to a low dose and off if you want. Good luck, naners