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Tapering Tapering this insidious bastard, Oxycontin

E

ElleAZ

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 15, 2017
Messages
206
Hello. I'm a mom who got sick and needed surgery.

I was drug free two months ago.

I have neuromuscular atrophy (CMT), spinal stenosis, scleroderma, arthritis, and two fake hips. I'm 48.

My last surgery left me with a dependence on Oxycontin (40mg) and Oxycodone (10mg).

I was late for my pill this weekend and had to go to the ER with a panic attack and muscle spasms that froze me in place.

The next day I saw my surgeon and cried that I was losing my mind and he rushed me to pain management. I am currently on a 30 day taper plan I have clonidine (.1); zofran; bentyl, valium (2mg), and recently bought Calm Support. I have Ativan for a big panic attack. My pain doctor lowered my Oxy dosage from 45-50 (20, 20, 5, 5) on Monday, to 30 (3 X 10) on Tuesday. I have had muscle spasms, chills, and anxiety. It's all under the skin and not overwhelming. I was told I can take an Oxy 5 if I need it but I am resisting. I am to stay at this level for two weeks before seeing him again.

I would like to ask if this sounds like a reasonable taper, if I will likely still get w/ds at the end, and if there is anything I can contribute to this treatment? I use CBD oil and smoke resin for pain. I am ot interested in transferring my dependence, and I am thinking of tapering the clonidine for a few days before my next dose, so that I can keep the effectiveness. Does that seem reasonable?

Thank you for providing such an honest and open forum.
 
I do not have the appropriate knowledge to answer your drug questions but I know the good folks that frequent this subforum will chime in shortly. I just wanted to jump in and say both that you are very brave dealing with all of that and trying to find healthier ways to manage your pain. My sister-in-law had scleroderma as well and that is a hellish condition. At least I am glad that you have a sympathetic doctor and are now in a pain clinic--two positives.

So many people in our toxic world today are dealing with these autoimmune diseases. It breaks my heart really.

Have you looked into ways to support your immune system?
 
3:26 am. I can't sleep more than s free hours at a time. I am still on 10 mg 3 x day. I wake up every morning with a hot flash which I need to endure because my pill isn't due until 5am. I have a shelf of meds that won't change that without getting deeper in. I don't want to be dependent on something to save me from meds I needed just for surgery!

I remember the relief with which I would take those pills and I wish I could say that there was something I could have done differently but I can't.

So I spend my days trying to avoid these symptoms, and I can't drive or be useful at all until it is over. We are all being punished.
 
I began tapering three days ago. I went down 10-20 mg a day. I am trying very hard to not take an Oxy5. I know my comfort is important but I am using up the future for this drama. Every day I struggle is a day I am not done.
My husband leaves soon for the funeral. I remember Rich telling me how he detoxed in prison. I am going through this while they lower him into the ground. Why isn't he here to lean on?

Heroin

I am trying to prepare myself mentally for being without my husband. I keep telling myself that this is in my head. But the anxiety makes it real, regardless of the content of my thoughts. My anxiety tells me I am going to suffer in legendary ways. It's cruel. I imagine myself in a tug of war with a damn bottle of pills. I keep 4 Ativan in case I have another panic attack.

Today I hope to keep busy. I have some projects I want to do in the house. I want my husband to be proud when he returns. He's so worried about leaving me. I am going to start pushing myself to walk in the walker between activities.
 
Thank you, herbavore. I am so sorry about your sister. My case is still early and primarily affects my joints. I honestly haven't been able to find a doctor in my area who is experienced with it. So I try to eat somewhat clean to keep down my inflammation. I have to keep stress at bay or it takes my legs out from under me. I avoided my mother's funeral to avoid the inevitable aftermath of the stress. So for me staying healthy is a priority. But I needed this damn surgery.

I ordered Calm Support and it should be in today. It's just for opiod dependence. Yesterday I read about mega doses of Vitamin C for detox and I will be buying some of that as well. I have this idea that I can come out of this better if I focus on nourishing my brain. Those years of being in pain from my leg surely left me a mess.

Thanks.
 
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And another hour has passed. I'm feeling a headache coming on. There is an ever present knot in my gut that I keep mistaking for constipation. However, my stools are runny from the magnesium citrate I take. This lump is just a constant little ache. All of my leg muscles are shuddering slightly. I haven't felt a return of the back pain I had before surgery. This is a pain unrelated to my leg so I am sure the surgery didn't address it and the oxy is covering it. This knowledge causes me anxiety.
 
My 5am dose offered me little comfort. The cold and heat continued, a nag of panic pulled at me, and I began to worry that I can't do this without my husband. Then I thought of all that I have been reading and I grabbed my walker and a bathrobe, choked down a soft banana for the potassium, drank water, and shuffled back and forth for about 30 minutes.
Walking made it all come together. My heart beat calmed. My temp stabilized a bit. I was moving so the flashes didn't seem so bad. I am excited to have discovered this. I have also created a new mantra: I want my life back. I am trying to get to the point where I am dismissive of the symptoms because I am too busy to indulge them.

Husband is getting ready to leave. I am trying to keep a supportive face and tone because Rich was his best friend, and still he's thinking of me.

It's 8am. I am going to try to sleep a few hours. I'll use ear buds to control what I hear and I will try to do it without Valium.
 
This is NOT diarrhea. This is some space age substance that hid in my ass since some camping trip I can't remember. I imagine that it is full of sick and am glad that I have barely had an appetite.

I am trying to contain my grief about Rich because it may lead to panic. I have done a lot of thought stopping today.

I am sure I will be back at 3am complaining about everything. Until then, this was actually a pretty good day since I pushed myself to move more. I have taken my two Calm Support and will go to bed with 2mg. Valium, clonidine, zofran, Immodium as prescribed to keep my dignity, and some pot. I just want to sleep for a bit!

Also, have done quite a bit of research about mega dosing Vitamin C and I am ordering a supply today. I understand that jumping at 5mg can still be tough so I am preparing now with nutrition.

3 days down. 27 to go.
 
There's nothing wrong with taking a 5mg Oxycodone IR tablet for withdrawal flare ups or breakthrough pain as needed. Provided you are in control and are strong willed with goal completion.
 
musique said:
There's nothing wrong with taking a 5mg Oxycodone IR tablet for withdrawal flare ups or breakthrough pain as needed. Provided you are in control and are strong willed with goal completion.
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That's exactly what my doctor said. And my husband. But I'm not tempted because of the pain, just the discomfort of the w/d process. The anxiety is my obsession.

Absolutely, people should medicate for pain.
 
Took my PM dose and I'm disgusted because BEFORE I took all those pills (Oxy10, clonidine, valium, zofran, immodium) I was feeling healthy and happy. Now I feel doped and I am frustrated. But I am not fool enough to speed up the process. Maybe it was the Calm Support??? Is that possible?

The dogs and kids were running all over my room tonight. I couldn't stop laughing and it felt GOOD. And I tried to take a part of that moment and tuck it inside for when the bad feelings come. THIS is my life. THIS is what I have created from what I was given. Narcissistic drunk parents, abusive junkie sister, welfare life in a violent low class neighborhood. The mind games. The rejection. The neglect. 30 years later, I have been with my partner my entire adult life. I have taken my mind and heart apart to repair the damage. It was terrible and our marriage almost ended due to my baggage. But it it didn't and we're here and we defy the odds and THIS is my life. Not that moment when I am filled with terror that my heart is going to explode out of my chest and no one will care because I am a broken, worthless, vile parasite. THAT is my struggle.

I'll be back at 3am. Put on coffee.
 
ElleAZ said:
Took my PM dose and I'm disgusted because BEFORE I took all those pills (Oxy10, clonidine, valium, zofran, immodium) I was feeling healthy and happy. Now I feel doped and I am frustrated. But I am not fool enough to speed up the process. Maybe it was the Calm Support??? Is that possible?

The dogs and kids were running all over my room tonight. I couldn't stop laughing and it felt GOOD. And I tried to take a part of that moment and tuck it inside for when the bad feelings come. THIS is my life. THIS is what I have created from what I was given. Narcissistic drunk parents, abusive junkie sister, welfare life in a violent low class neighborhood. The mind games. The rejection. The neglect. 30 years later, I have been with my partner my entire adult life. I have taken my mind and heart apart to repair the damage. It was terrible and our marriage almost ended due to my baggage. But it it didn't and we're here and we defy the odds and THIS is my life. Not that moment when I am filled with terror that my heart is going to explode out of my chest and no one will care because I am a broken, worthless, vile parasite. THAT is my struggle.

I'll be back at 3am. Put on coffee.
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Sorry I haven’t posted in your thread earlier, I don’t have much experience with some of the meds you’re taking and didn’t want to give bad advice because I’m just starting my journey too.

I know what you mean about feeling disgusted when you feel doped and I think it’s a good thing, the last pill I took gave me that feeling and I think it has given me strength because when I want to take one I remind myself how I felt then and try to focus on that.
I know you are tapering and needing to medicate for pain but I think you have the right mindset and will do fine.
 
Day 5 of tapering. Perhaps I slept? I do not know. My legs were stiff as though I hadn't used them for hours. I am not insane or exhausted. So if I am sleeping, I am unaware.


I can feel pain in my incision and down through the muscles. It isn't awful and I am amused that it isn't covered by the oxy. I hope my assumption is correct that my pain is now tolerable.

No more Hershey squirts. That was some Dreamcatcher quality ejection. Can I boil the toilet?

Added valium 2nd last night and noticed a lack of muscle spasms. When I took my morning meds an hour ago, I only took the Ocy10 and left the muscle relaxers and clonidine. I want to see what my symptoms really are. Since getting the Calm Support and hopefully the Vitamin C today, I am hoping to minimize the chance of dependence on the other meds. I know I could take an Ativan and probably sleep but this pill popping shit has to stop.
 
So I have only had oxy 10 mg today and none of the comfort meds. I am just a bit sore. I don't know if a reaction is coming, if I endured the worst already, or if I don't need them. I just know that I have three more tapers and I don't want to stop responding to the comfort meds when I need them again. I will take another clonidine tonight so as not to stop abruptly. I've only been on it for four days and I hope this is safe.
 
Is this your first time withdrawing from a substance?

It might sound really awful but when you are in a situation in which you use 250mg oxycodone per day and cease to use it for few days every week because you run out of your drug you get used to the physical withdrawals and they are quite meh after that.

Take those withdrawals as a warning sign about what could have happened if you would have started to use recreationally.

Withdrawing from opioids can be nasty but never lethal unless your diarrhea gives you severe dehydration.
 
Hello. I have gone cold turkey from Lyrica and it was two straight weeks of mental torture. The physical component of this w/d, with the panic, is very hard for me.

I recently acquired my MMJ card and I noticed how quickly my tolerance grew. This mind altering shit is no substitute for happiness, that's for sure!

I understand more than is evident. I was in pain management years ago and they wrote me scripts without reservation. I was protected because of my natural tolerance. The pills had no effect, so I could stop them easily. But that natural tolerance bit me in the ass when they gave me a higher dosage of Oxy than is usual, and I was dependent in weeks. Going through w/d while taking the pills as prescribed is insane to me. There is no romance between me and those pills.

This experience has changed me and how I feel about the gov't, the medical community, and our culture. I am so filled with frustration about this war on drugs shit.
 
At this point, I think I have stabilized. The runs, cramps, anxiety, and pain have subsided. I get to go through it all over again in a week! LOL!

I have been walking up a damn storm. It's hard because of the lack of sleep, but I think I may be getting just enough to keep my sanity. I avoid bed until it is time. My room is clean. Sheets fresh. I have ear plugs and storm music and an aromatherapy machine going. I think only of relaxation while preparing for bed. I apply no stress to sleep so therefore I won't feel that I failed. Last night I let the puppy (6 mos) sleep with me but when I went to pee, he took my side and I kicked his ass out. I even put a bar of soap under my sheets to try an old wives' tale. Nope, nope.

Husband on his way home from Rich's funeral. Flight arrives in three hours. Miss him so much. I may not sleep, but I will be content and happy regardless.

Want my effin life back. It wasn't perfect but I had control over it.
 
Shit. I'm so tired I took my morning dose of oxycontin 10 mg four hours early. I don't know if I should worry. I don't know if I should avoid the next dose. I AM trying to quit. Doc won't be in until four hours after my next dose is due. Just gonna sit here and worry.
 
Finally slept last night! Six good, deep hours. The pain management doctor called me (I am so grateful to God for him) and offered me Trazadone. So I may be able to get some more rest before the next dosage drop. No symptoms to mention. I am keeping active and easily forgetting about this trial. Time and hope.

About the double dose the other night: I called Poison Control and they were very helpful. I also took Clonidine with the Oxy10 so it was a valid issue. I waited until four hours had passed before I lay down so that I could call for help if there was an issue. I already have respiratory suppression because of my charcot marie tooth disease (CMT).

I am learning so much through this shitastic experience. In the end, I may consider it worth the lessons.
 
So the Trazadone didn't make me tired at all last night. Even though I was a little tired. No, instead, it made me nauseous and dizzy all damn day. One more RX for disposal.
 
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