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Recovery 16 days of not smoking cigarettes

SebastianSkip

SebastianSkip

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 7, 2017
Messages
58
It was 30 years since I had my first cigarette and ~25 being a full blown every single day smoker.

I’ve now gone 16 days without smoking tho I am using nicotine lozenges for cravings.

It’s a relief, it’s more than I’ve ever done before and I believe this is the start of a smoke free life. Except for the whispers from my addiction that come on quickly but are easily challenged trying to tell me otherwise, I don’t miss it at all. I miss NOTHING about smoking now. My addiction was(is) profoundly psychological/emotional, habitual/ritualistic, even spiritual. I thought of cigarettes as my best friend, the only constant, the only thing that never let me down. To not miss them at all and be glad they’re gone is a transformation.

I just wanted to share this because I was on here recently talking about my addiction and tho I deleted those posts (I’m weird like that) it did help to spend time here and it’s good to know and feel thankful this space exists.

Wishing everyone luck, encouragement to keep trying!
Here’s to releasing ourselves from addictions that no longer serve us and seeking a new healthier freer life.
My mantra since I quit has been:
I’m set free
I’m smoke free
 
nice work on 16 days! iv been an on & off smoker for 7 years and threw my baccy in the bin yesterday. i dont like that it is a habit which is self-destructive bcus i want to be a healing influence in the world.
my new mantra for quitting weed and baccy is 'its not worth it'.
 
OP, the way you describe your feelings towards smoking is SO familiar, though my trouble was with other substances/behaviors...weird how similar the psychology is regardless of what specifically we're addicted to.
 
Thanks!

‘It’s not worth it’ is what I say when I talked back to my ‘whispers’ (addiction talking to me). It hasn’t been a conscious mantra but now that you mention it, I’ll add it.

It started out because I’m lazy but I quit smoking weed recently as well. I’ve never been attached to weed so it wasn’t something I even did on purpose, just didn’t buy more when I ran out but intended to eventually. It’s near impossible for me not to binge eat and be couch locked regardless of strain so not a big loss. And now I really like the idea of just being sober.

Don’t know that I’v ever thought of it as being a ‘healing influence’ but I relate to wanting to be the best I can for the world, to be more a part of it and have a positive impact. But healing is definitely a part of it, lots of trauma out there. I’m sure many here, like me, had/have addictions that are responses to trauma. The healing work I’ve done is what makes me feel pretty confident I’ve really quit. I want everyone to have the opportunity and support to heal.
 
Totally, if I knew where I’d end up in my journey to quit smoking I would’ve more purposefully sought out general drug addiction help/advice. I have some familiarity with AA/NA but it took a long time for me to really grasp how cigarette addiction is the same. I even consider myself as having hit ‘bottom’ with my smoking. EVERYTHING revolved around cigarettes, they were running my life and it was finally unavoidable seeing that whatever I thought I got from them wasn’t even a small fraction of what they were taking from me.

But
Woohoo
I’m set free!!!
Enjoy yourselves ;)
 
Skip, I just want to give you big kudos for quitting the only thing that kills most of its' users when it's taken properly! That's the amazing thing about smoking. I smoked from 12-62, a full 50 years, although I spent the last ten trying everything under the sun to quit, with nothing working. A couple of years ago I got pneumonia bad enough that I came very close to death, and still remember how it felt the night I wound up in the ER. There's nothing more painful and terrifying than not being able to suck air into your lungs! It changed my whole life--I'm now oxygen-dependent and am considered terminal with COPD-emphysema and pulmonary fibrosis, although I've been stable for a while. But since that night, I've never smoked again, and it's not really because I'm so scared of dying, because I never have been. I have to give credit to the steps, even though I didn't "work" them on smoking. I think I've just been doing them long enough that they're second nature, and somehow I knew that was my bottom, but more than that, I was dying and my "power greater than myself"(whatever that is) interrupted my death and gave me some borrowed time. Because that's really how I feel about my life now--this is borrowed time. I survived almost as many years as a street junkie and buried everyone I cared about who lived in that world, so I was already on borrowed time, but now I'm sure. I did go with the e-cigs for a couple of months before I realized I wasn't even hooked on them and gave them all away. Congrats to you, though, what you posted resonated with me. I'm just here as a bad example of what's out there waiting for those who don't quit. I figured it would kill me eventually--it got both my parents--but when it came for me I realized I wasn't quite ready to go after all. ;)
 
Congrats OP! I feel like addiction to nicotine (smoking in particular) has been more extreme and insidious for me than any other drug. Definitely more challenging than things like heroin or cocaine for me, which says a lot.

Anyways, it always makes me really really happy to hear someone is finding success quitting smoking. I've recently transitions to a vape again. Although it's far from perfect, god it's so much better than having to suck down cigarettes all the time. Last time I quit during a retreat I had switched from smoking to vape to nicotine gum and found it a lot more effective than just going straight to gum. I'm excited for my next retreat, as they're great opportunities to quit smoking. Pretty much anything is better than smoking a pack a day as I'd gotten in the habit of doing up until transitioning to the vape.

Until then, I'll just enjoy my teeth getting a little whiter, less gum irritation and slightly less lung issues. How did the lozenges work? Did they upset your stomach or anything? I would rather try that than gum next time (they also seem a little cheaper).

And again, congrats on doing what you're doing OP! It's really no small thing.
 
Many years ago I tried smoking tobacco. The buzz is intense and undesirable in almost every way. Dizzying.

I can enjoy a small amount of snuff but I haven't had any in months now. It just doesn't appeal to me at all.
 
Isn't it crazy how addictive cigarettes are, especially for something that doesn't even really get you "high", per se? I mean, I've struggled with everything from alcohol to opioids to amphetamines over the years, but those darn cancer sticks are the one thing that I simply have not been able to completely beat yet!

This is mere speculation, but I really believe that the tobacco companies are putting something in their cigarettes that is much more addictive than the nicotine itself. I have gone on two-week "binges" of 21mg nicotine patches for lucid dreaming purposes and had no problem stopping cold turkey, but I can't smoke one cig without wanting another one 20 minutes later!
 
Cigarettes are far more habit forming than just straight nicotine. There is a lot of other chemical in cigarettes specifically used to “enhance” it as a delivery mechanism for nicotine. Probably the most obvious example is menthol, which cuts little microabrasions that allow more nicotine/other chemicals to be absorbed than otherwise. But yeah, totally gross. Vaping isn’t much better in all honesty, but I have found it makes transitioning to other forms of nicotine replacement easier.
 
toothpastedog said:
Congrats OP! I feel like addiction to nicotine (smoking in particular) has been more extreme and insidious for me than any other drug. Definitely more challenging than things like heroin or cocaine for me, which says a lot.

Anyways, it always makes me really really happy to hear someone is finding success quitting smoking. I've recently transitions to a vape again. Although it's far from perfect, god it's so much better than having to suck down cigarettes all the time. Last time I quit during a retreat I had switched from smoking to vape to nicotine gum and found it a lot more effective than just going straight to gum. I'm excited for my next retreat, as they're great opportunities to quit smoking. Pretty much anything is better than smoking a pack a day as I'd gotten in the habit of doing up until transitioning to the vape.

Until then, I'll just enjoy my teeth getting a little whiter, less gum irritation and slightly less lung issues. How did the lozenges work? Did they upset your stomach or anything? I would rather try that than gum next time (they also seem a little cheaper).

And again, congrats on doing what you're doing OP! It's really no small thing.
Click to expand...

What's weird to me is although I did a lot of drugs in my life, I never smoked cigarettes. When I withdrew from benzos and methadone in 2013 I inexplicably started vaping. Sometimes I think because my mother smoked when she was pregnant with me, like I developed this biological need in utero. Drugs filled that need until that became something I had to give up or face divorce or worse. When I was a kid the neighbors used to make a friendly joke that I would demand "Orange juice now mommy!" Like my brain was telling me if didn't get this juice (sugar) right away, I was going to die. That seems a little desperate for a child to say. I know I have addiction tendencies but I had a normal childhood with loving parents and no severe traumas to speak of. My brother developed schizophrenia. For what it's worth, doctors have told me his illness may have never surfaced without exposure to LSD. The stories I remember hearing when I was young suggest that the mental illness may come from my father's side. But the point is my brother is not addiction prone like me. I took LSD dozens of times but it didn't stop me from having a relatively normal life. We both had the same nature and nurture experiences. Probably the simplest explanation is I'm just a spoiled brat who wants what I want when I want it. But the sudden interest in vaping so late in life is weird to me. I really want to quit. TPD, if what you say is true about vaping being a step removed from cigarette smoking I think I'm going to give nicotine patches a try and see if it has any effect on unconsciously reaching for the vape device.
 
LopLover

Thanks for your reply. We’re ‘lucky’ ;)

Thanks, for the reminder and caution of possible/inevitable consequences of continuing smoking. I was often feeling short of breath, I’d feel it as I went to buy more cigarettes. Many times it crossed my mind that if it were worse it’d be truly frightening. I’m sorry it had to get to that point for you.

For better/worse my attachment to staying alive has always been less than ... I existed for a over a year in a daily suicidal state.

I know I’m firmly on the other side and existing is soooo much easier now, sometimes I even feel contentment. I’m not quite sure how/why I’m still here or what to do with myself. I spent so long with a death wish. I’m isolated and removed from people/places/communities I was near to in the past. Already an extreme introvert it was surprisingly easy. My Dad was the only one who was persistent and wouldn’t let me go easy which was/is one of those odd things because some part of me hates him and blames him because he was violent and conditioned me to accept abuse and self abuse. At the same time I can see he cares and it was how he was conditioned and how he’s tried to break free himself. I see it everywhere now, the harm we do starts with ourselves, some keep it inward and others direct it outwardly.

I don’t relate when people who were once suicidal talk about the gratefulness they have that they didn’t manage to kill themselves. I still feel a bit ambivalent about the usefulness of living for me. But I’m curious. I’m curious to know what I might do/be if I weren’t self destructive. I’m curious to know why people don’t want to die and what it was that kept me alive.

I’m glad I haven’t smoked for 4 weeks.

I hope however you received your borrowed time it’s a generous amount.

Hope your relationship to living is fulfilling.

Wish for all of us we find ways not to be so hard on ourselves, so brutal. Wish everyone more self love.
 
Congratulations on quitting. Cigarettes are a hard one to beat,but oh so satisfying when you do.
 
Hi toothpastedog,

It’s great you’re not smoking cigs!

Thanks for the congrats. I am starting to feel some happiness around quitting now that I’ve hit 4 weeks, still a little wary of getting over confident but it’s getting easier every day (tho I did have a massive craving yesterday because my whispers went in overdrive telling me I could smoke ‘just for one day’ because it was thanksgiving, ‘a holiday’. Lol, my addict-mind whispers are sneaky).

The lozenges are the most comfortable for me, I’m working on self improvement and healing and comfort is a must. Brute force, willpower, whatever you wanna call it seems to work for some but I’ve come to realize I need to have a gentle approach. And patience, I talk back to my whispers calm but firm and sometimes laugh at them.

In terms of nicotine delivery the lozenges seem to be the easiest most direct way to get nicotine into your system and control intake. With vaping all the same habitual stuff comes into play which is maybe the only real downside if the device management doesn’t bother. I adored the misty plumes the way I used to curling ghosty wafts of cigarette smoke. I imagine the gum is similar but the chewing makes my jaw sore. The lozenges are like mints and the experience feels more medicinal and temporary.

I figure I’ll be using the lozenges for 1-6 more months (basically, I don’t care how long as long as I’m not smoking) so I got some 14 mg nicotine patches. Figured I’d get tired of administering ‘medicine’ all day. So, yesterday I tried the patch and had a few lozenges to make things easier but I fell asleep with the patch on...
if you haven’t experienced it
you’ve likely heard about the dreams.

I’ve experienced the vivid patch dreams before, once awesome and another time mundane dreams but holy sh*t do not mess with wearing the patch while sleeping!!

Seriously, I am now scared of using the patch ever again, I had what was the most f*d up nightmare of my entire life. I’m pretty open about some dark personal stuff especially in a forum where it’s socially acceptable to share but I am not about to repeat what I saw.

A retreat sounds great. I’m excited for you!

However you get there, I hope it’s a peaceful rewarding experience.

It’s soooo nice not to have my clothes smell and wake to an ashtray mouth and a bunch of other little things that add up and make smoking a hassle that’s just not worth it.

***Freedom***
***Freedom***
***Freedom***
 
Thing is, when I think back on it I don’t like it either.

So many times it felt awful.

But I’ve learned how to draw-out my addict mind now and hear what it’s saying clearly, I call it my ‘whispers’ and it’s crazy what they tell me! They tell me smoking a cigarette is going to set my world right, solve everything. If I’m tired, my whispers tell me a cigarette will be invigorating. If I can’t sleep they tell me a cigarette will do the trick. When a craving is strong they’re especially sneaky. But it’s all lies.

I loved smoking. Or, I thought I loved it but I think when we started our relationship I had a really distorted idea/sense of love. I’ve spent a lot of my time quitting saying the same things to myself I said when I left a really intense abusive relationship years ago. The similarities are striking.
 
You are far bolder/braver than I. I just wrote that I’m scared to ever use the patch again because I had the most disturbing nightmare of my life last night. Looking back I did have some of the disturbing content on my mind before falling asleep but still ... yikes ... can’t imagine doing it on purpose, not these days ... these days I’m a big wimp (& proudly wimpy;))

It’s the freebase nicotine. Tobacco naturally has ammonia which makes the nicotine freebase like crack cocaine. Some scientist tested cigarettes and American Spirits had the most, I believe Marlboro was second tho still not close to AS. It’s not easy to find reliable info tho. The more I researched the more ticked off I got. Everything we ingest or put on our bodies is regulated (food, cosmetics, shampoo, oc meds etc). But no ingredients on cigarettes? Wtf?!? Australia now makes manufacturers list ingredients and nicotine/tar content. It’s insane that’s not mandatory everywhere.

But yeah, you want one 20 minutes later because of the delivery mechanism. The patch is like a slow drip, a cig a one shot. The 21 mg patches felt like nothing, did nothing for my cravings, tho I’d usually overdose (clammy, shaky, pale, nauseas) when I wore one because I’d still smoke.
 
FLA,

If it’s mostly a chemical thing, I’d taper off nicotine and the vaping may no longer be so appealing.

Nature vs nurture is pretty fascinating stuff. I’ve got siblings and we all developed totally different strengths and weaknesses. One of my siblings described an anxiety attack to me last year. She was freaked out because it was the first time she ever had one at age 50. I wondered how the heck we had the same genes and said, ‘welcome to my world’.

Whatever you do, wishing you mindful enjoyments.
 
Oh yeah, I never even thought of the coke/crack and tobacco/cigarette analogy, but it makes perfect sense. That's probably why I've never found smokeless tobacco to be nearly as addictive.

Don't get me wrong; I know that it CAN be... (yuck warning) not to mention those nasty side effects like having half of your face removed from oral cancer! But it has just never "appealed" to me in the same way that cigarettes do.

I've had a couple of nicotine patch nightmares as well, but my worst one was actually from a high dose of melatonin (something like 30mg if I remember correctly), simply because I couldn't wake myself up from it.

Ever since I was little, I've been able to wake up by (in the dream) shutting my eyes tightly and shaking my head from side-to-side. Even if it wasn't a lucid dream per se, I would do it the moment that I got that "something's not right here" feeling. Not so in my melatonin nightmare. I became utterly convinced that I was in some literal form of eternal Hell, and even asked the creepy blue ghost-ladies who were pursuing me if I was! They just leered at me with evil grins and exhaled an icy mist, which only reinforced my deepest fears.

It ended in a series of "false awakenings", where I would dream that I was back in normal waking reality before quickly descending back into Hell again! By the time that I DID finally wake up, I still wasn't 100% sure for a good 5-10 minutes or so, which never happened to me before (or thankfully, since).
 
Sebastian, thats such a good decision! 4 weeks from nicotine is further than I have been in over 10 years which is when I started using tobacco. So hats off to you! :).

I don't smoke but use something we call snus over here (sweden). It's tobacco for your lip, but unlike chewing tobacco and "dip". I managed to stay off 15 days once and the feeling was surreal, alien, considering it's been a daily habit for so long.

Good luck now friend!
 
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