I started therapy for addiction in May and my therapist began to have me talk about childhood trauma which i thought I really didn't want to mess qith because I thought I was healed from that but I participated. I began to exist in a different state of mind and almost an altered state of reality. They say trauma causes addiction but In this case my trauma kept fueling my addiction. Therapy has not been working and neither has a mindfulness workbook I have on addiction. Has anyone experienced anything similar? If so how can you stay clean while participating in trauma therapy?
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Psychotherapy gone wrong
- Thread starter coley86
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Mysterie
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did you tell your therapist that you were abusing drugs again as a result of reopening old wounds?
it sounds like you aren't ready for deep exploration of your trauma if it is leading to use drugs more.
prioritise your health over what some therapist suggests, make sure to communicate whats going on in your life to them honestly as well, so they can adjust whatever their doing accordingly.
it sounds like you aren't ready for deep exploration of your trauma if it is leading to use drugs more.
prioritise your health over what some therapist suggests, make sure to communicate whats going on in your life to them honestly as well, so they can adjust whatever their doing accordingly.
cj
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Been there. Your therapist shouldn't have gone there if you where not ready. Unfortunately what's done is done. I suggest stopping therapy completely. When I experienced this I quit therapy for a year and gradually I worked my way back to normal. I'm back in therapy now with a counselor who has a clue and it's going better
herbavore
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OP, I am so sorry to hear this. I often recommend therapy to people especially when they are dealing with childhood trauma but, and this is a big BUT, there are truly a lot of therapists out there that are not adequately equipped to deal with it properly. To be fair to this therapist though, if you did not say, "I need to stop, this is too painful and is fueling my addiction" he/she would have no way of knowing the problem. Developing a relationship of complete trust is essential to any therapeutic treatment.
I am a big believer in facing pain. That is partially due to my own history of running from it (and never escaping); followed by my experience of healing once I determined to go back into it and rewrite the story in my own head for myself of how it was going to affect my present life. But I am not so arrogant as to assume that I know what this process is like for victims of childhood abuse. I do believe that is a category of pain I can only understand intellectually.
For me mindfulness was very useful. Just this one tenet: is the trauma happening now? No, it happened in the past but it is still affecting me now. So, right now, do you need to feel afraid or uncomfortable? No. It is impossible to describe how freeing this was for me once I was able to actually use it. I guess a better way to describe that would be to say it went from being an intellectual exercise to being an actual voice of my own that countered my life-long voice of panic. Panic and anxiety used to rule my head. The difference now is that there is a calming and rational voice that steps up to challenge the fight or flight brain.
I think that as long as you are dealing with this addiction you need to protect yourself. But it is a bit of a tangle because there is no doubt in my mind that the trauma you suffered is also feeding that addiction on a very deep level. One of the things that childhood victims of abuse suffer from the most is trust. You had your trust in your fellow human beings obliterated. Those of us that have not experienced that can never really comprehend the enormity of that loss. But there are things that you can do to work on establishing trust without going back into the trauma directly. Nurture the relationships where trust does exist. Create a relationship of trust with yourself. Ask yourself gentle questions and sit with the answers before judging. If something feels wrong, explore it internally for a bit. Just giving yourself the space to be uncomfortable while still being safe is a powerful way to start.
I am a big believer in facing pain. That is partially due to my own history of running from it (and never escaping); followed by my experience of healing once I determined to go back into it and rewrite the story in my own head for myself of how it was going to affect my present life. But I am not so arrogant as to assume that I know what this process is like for victims of childhood abuse. I do believe that is a category of pain I can only understand intellectually.
For me mindfulness was very useful. Just this one tenet: is the trauma happening now? No, it happened in the past but it is still affecting me now. So, right now, do you need to feel afraid or uncomfortable? No. It is impossible to describe how freeing this was for me once I was able to actually use it. I guess a better way to describe that would be to say it went from being an intellectual exercise to being an actual voice of my own that countered my life-long voice of panic. Panic and anxiety used to rule my head. The difference now is that there is a calming and rational voice that steps up to challenge the fight or flight brain.
I think that as long as you are dealing with this addiction you need to protect yourself. But it is a bit of a tangle because there is no doubt in my mind that the trauma you suffered is also feeding that addiction on a very deep level. One of the things that childhood victims of abuse suffer from the most is trust. You had your trust in your fellow human beings obliterated. Those of us that have not experienced that can never really comprehend the enormity of that loss. But there are things that you can do to work on establishing trust without going back into the trauma directly. Nurture the relationships where trust does exist. Create a relationship of trust with yourself. Ask yourself gentle questions and sit with the answers before judging. If something feels wrong, explore it internally for a bit. Just giving yourself the space to be uncomfortable while still being safe is a powerful way to start.
I did tell her I had a relapse and she said it was normal. I asked her to deug test me and she didnt. Thats how bad I wanted the help. I am not seeing her now. I tried religion for sobriety and that works better than therapy. Thank you for your advice
Herbivore I appreciate your response. I told her I felt like my childhood stuff was dealt with but she said its best to start from childhood. I asked her if I might deal with some anger from opening old wounds and she said yes. Some of the techniques were helpful but in my mind this perspective of all the gloomy parts of my life felt so bad and I think your right about the trust. In my current relationship I have trauma and Im now in therapy for that and i discontinued the childhood therapy. My childhood was affected by alcohol and violence and I have made peace with it. I currently do mindfulness and its retraining my brain. I do think Im not ready but when will the time be? I have to move forward and deal with my present trauma now and its mandatory unfortunately. Im going to make sure my new therapist knows I dont want to go to deep.
herbavore
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There is a direct connection between your past and present trauma though. People that have been abused will often seek the familiarity of unhealthy relationships. This just illustrates how damaging and how deep the wounds of childhood trauma are. Again, I just have to say how sorry I am that you are having to go through this. I am glad that you are finding your religion to be helpful to you--both for sobriety but also as a way to understand the bigger picture of your life perhaps. We do not have to be defined by our worst experiences. We have a brief time here on earth, we get dealt a certain hand in the beginning but after that we truly are free to try to shape our internal lives in ways that can manifest externally. It's not a quick fix. I'm in my sixties and I feel that some things I am just starting to get a handle on. Who cares? There is no timetable for life though society pretends there is. You just keep your compass pointed to where you want to go and you'll find your peace along the way.